Group Homes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband the boy’s father? I’m shocked he is leaving you to deal with your son’s violence.

I imagine earning a living has to be a priority for him as it was for my husband. We spent a fortune getting help for my DC and I was barely able to work, so only possible by my husband “leaving me to deal with the violence.” Really think before you post something like this.

Omg I swear this subforum has the most sensitive women on the planet. The husband is aware that this boy is violent toward the love of his life. The obvious question is: what does he do about it? A man whose biological son is violent toward his wife (enough to call the police!) does not leave her to just deal with it for long periods of time. That this question is more off-limits than a son abusing his mom in her husband’s absence reveals so much about this forum.

I understand wanting to do all you can for your child but the first time my 12-year-old son gave me a black eye would be the last time. Especially since he doesn't do this anywhere else and only to his parents.

Perhaps the reality of getting his butt kicked by others at school is enough to keep him in line there. Not saying it's right but it is basic human survival instinct to protect yourself and his classmates certainly would. He probably knows that and it is why he does not do this as school.

OP, if you haven't already read through this information it may have some helpful information. https://msa.maryland.gov/msa/mdmanual/19djj/html/19agen.html

Ridiculous. If OP (or her husband) strikes the child they could be arrested, even if he hit her first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband the boy’s father? I’m shocked he is leaving you to deal with your son’s violence.

I imagine earning a living has to be a priority for him as it was for my husband. We spent a fortune getting help for my DC and I was barely able to work, so only possible by my husband “leaving me to deal with the violence.” Really think before you post something like this.

Omg I swear this subforum has the most sensitive women on the planet. The husband is aware that this boy is violent toward the love of his life. The obvious question is: what does he do about it? A man whose biological son is violent toward his wife (enough to call the police!) does not leave her to just deal with it for long periods of time. That this question is more off-limits than a son abusing his mom in her husband’s absence reveals so much about this forum.

I understand wanting to do all you can for your child but the first time my 12-year-old son gave me a black eye would be the last time. Especially since he doesn't do this anywhere else and only to his parents.

Perhaps the reality of getting his butt kicked by others at school is enough to keep him in line there. Not saying it's right but it is basic human survival instinct to protect yourself and his classmates certainly would. He probably knows that and it is why he does not do this as school.

OP, if you haven't already read through this information it may have some helpful information. https://msa.maryland.gov/msa/mdmanual/19djj/html/19agen.html

Ridiculous. If OP (or her husband) strikes the child they could be arrested, even if he hit her first.

OP should have insisted he be charged after the first episode. What son did to her is a violent felony. And he's repeated it several times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband the boy’s father? I’m shocked he is leaving you to deal with your son’s violence.

I imagine earning a living has to be a priority for him as it was for my husband. We spent a fortune getting help for my DC and I was barely able to work, so only possible by my husband “leaving me to deal with the violence.” Really think before you post something like this.

Omg I swear this subforum has the most sensitive women on the planet. The husband is aware that this boy is violent toward the love of his life. The obvious question is: what does he do about it? A man whose biological son is violent toward his wife (enough to call the police!) does not leave her to just deal with it for long periods of time. That this question is more off-limits than a son abusing his mom in her husband’s absence reveals so much about this forum.

I understand wanting to do all you can for your child but the first time my 12-year-old son gave me a black eye would be the last time. Especially since he doesn't do this anywhere else and only to his parents.

Perhaps the reality of getting his butt kicked by others at school is enough to keep him in line there. Not saying it's right but it is basic human survival instinct to protect yourself and his classmates certainly would. He probably knows that and it is why he does not do this as school.

OP, if you haven't already read through this information it may have some helpful information. https://msa.maryland.gov/msa/mdmanual/19djj/html/19agen.html

Ridiculous. If OP (or her husband) strikes the child they could be arrested, even if he hit her first.

I don’t think PP is suggesting that OP be violent to her child. But, I’ve been there and as I said in my PP, if you don’t have insurance or financial resources, your only options are medication and pressing charges against your child.

That being said, it’s such an awful thing to do that it takes time to get there. If you’re not walking in those shoes, you might think you’d have your child hauled off in handcuffs first time it happens, but IRL, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t try other things. If you know anything g about the juvenile justice system and the likely outcomes, you’d understand why people try to avoid it.

[Anonymous]

From the OP: He has never been charged even though I have asked for him to be charged. Department of Juvenile Justice will not work with him until he gets a charge. But the police won't charge him because he is only 12.

I mean, if you guys are going to do nothing but criticize at least read the OP.

[Anonymous]

If PPs have specific ideas for how OP can get the police to press charges against her child when she has asked for that and been refused, I'm sure she would love to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband the boy’s father? I’m shocked he is leaving you to deal with your son’s violence.

I imagine earning a living has to be a priority for him as it was for my husband. We spent a fortune getting help for my DC and I was barely able to work, so only possible by my husband “leaving me to deal with the violence.” Really think before you post something like this.

Omg I swear this subforum has the most sensitive women on the planet. The husband is aware that this boy is violent toward the love of his life. The obvious question is: what does he do about it? A man whose biological son is violent toward his wife (enough to call the police!) does not leave her to just deal with it for long periods of time. That this question is more off-limits than a son abusing his mom in her husband’s absence reveals so much about this forum.

I understand wanting to do all you can for your child but the first time my 12-year-old son gave me a black eye would be the last time. Especially since he doesn't do this anywhere else and only to his parents.

Perhaps the reality of getting his butt kicked by others at school is enough to keep him in line there. Not saying it's right but it is basic human survival instinct to protect yourself and his classmates certainly would. He probably knows that and it is why he does not do this as school.

OP, if you haven't already read through this information it may have some helpful information. https://msa.maryland.gov/msa/mdmanual/19djj/html/19agen.html

Ridiculous. If OP (or her husband) strikes the child they could be arrested, even if he hit her first.

OP should have insisted he be charged after the first episode. What son did to her is a violent felony. And he's repeated it several times.

Getting him mental health treatment instead of putting him in the juvenile justice system is much more likely to lead to lasting, positive change. OP, you may be able to get an inpatient admission if you call 911 and say it’s a mental health emergency. It’s not a great system as there are too few pediatric beds, but it gives you some space and resources to plan next steps for a longer term program and get his meds looked at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If PPs have specific ideas for how OP can get the police to press charges against her child when she has asked for that and been refused, I'm sure she would love to know.

I told her in my PP. she needs to take out a peace order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the OP: He has never been charged even though I have asked for him to be charged. Department of Juvenile Justice will not work with him until he gets a charge. But the police won't charge him because he is only 12.

I mean, if you guys are going to do nothing but criticize at least read the OP.

There is no reason the police can't file a report/charge him with violence towards his parents. They are well aware that this is how the system works. If the police refused to charge him, I would have been on the phone with a supervisor asking why. I guess OP will have to wait until he decides to pick up a knife or gun and visit her in the middle of the night? Violence is violence and it is not acceptable - even from a 12 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If PPs have specific ideas for how OP can get the police to press charges against her child when she has asked for that and been refused, I'm sure she would love to know.

I told her in my PP. she needs to take out a peace order.

You mean a protective order since it is a relative. And you can’t take out a protective order against a minor without going through the Department of Juvenile Services. OP has already tried to get help from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If PPs have specific ideas for how OP can get the police to press charges against her child when she has asked for that and been refused, I'm sure she would love to know.

I told her in my PP. she needs to take out a peace order.

You mean a protective order since it is a relative. And you can’t take out a protective order against a minor without going through the Department of Juvenile Services. OP has already tried to get help from them.

I did it so I know you can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry your going through this. If he's able to hold it together at school, it doesn't sound like he's in crisis.

So you're options are to call your insurance company and see what RTFs are available or hire and educational consultant. An EC will be able to get you in but they cost $5-$8k and they usually don't place at places that accept insurance.

One thought might be to reach out to Huntsman in Utah. They do an in depth analysis and you'll come out with a good plan for next steps. And they take insurance.

Our psych couldn't get us in either. There's no better advocate than you and if you find a place you like via insurance, there's no reason you can't call admissions and see what the process is and what the wait looks like.

Huntsman is a good recommendation. Agree that your psychiatrist is not likely to be helpful with accessing a higher level of care.

Huntsman recommends everyone go into a long term residential
Program. Those cost $600+ per day, and don't take insurance.
Huntsman costs $1200/day and our insurance only covered partial.

[Anonymous]

If you are in Maryland, is the residential program RICA an option? Its a residential funded school.

[Anonymous]

What is his formal diagnosis? If ADHD is one of them, it sounds like he is releasing after school is over. So he may have the same behavior in residential programs. Violence isn't well tolerated in group homes or any other setting. The violence needs to be addressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are in Maryland, is the residential program RICA an option? Its a residential funded school.

OP said he’s not having these issues in school. It is unlikely that RICA would be considered because of the lack of educational impact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If PPs have specific ideas for how OP can get the police to press charges against her child when she has asked for that and been refused, I'm sure she would love to know.

I told her in my PP. she needs to take out a peace order.

How does that work with your minor child? I thought it means they have to stay away from you? Can you share more? I’m not quite grasping.