Group Homes

[Anonymous]

I have a son who is very physical with me and my husband in the home. He will punch, threaten, curse, and destroys property. We're working with a case worker who has been completely unhelpful. Most of the professionals believe keeping him in the home is the best thing for him. It probably is best for him, but not for me. My husband works out of town and I am left my son alone. He's given me black eyes and once a bloody nose. He has never been charged even though I have asked for him to be charged. Department of Juvenile Justice will not work with him until he gets a charge. But the police won't charge him because he is only 12. (He is 12, but as talll as I am) We are in Maryland. Does anyone have any resources to help? Without paying 4k a month is there anywhere to send him? Please help.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, OP. I don't have any experience with this, but have some (hopefully useful) suggestions. Document everything: take pictures, notes with date/time/injury, call police. Find a therapist for yourself who can help you navigate this and get a lawyer who can help you understand juvenile law and what your options are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a son who is very physical with me and my husband in the home. He will punch, threaten, curse, and destroys property. We're working with a case worker who has been completely unhelpful. Most of the professionals believe keeping him in the home is the best thing for him. It probably is best for him, but not for me. My husband works out of town and I am left my son alone. He's given me black eyes and once a bloody nose. He has never been charged even though I have asked for him to be charged. Department of Juvenile Justice will not work with him until he gets a charge. But the police won't charge him because he is only 12. (He is 12, but as talll as I am) We are in Maryland. Does anyone have any resources to help? Without paying 4k a month is there anywhere to send him? Please help.

First of all, ask Jeff to move this to the Special Needs forum.

I am so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you. Does he have a psych? Is he on meds? There are meds that can control aggressive behavior even if it's just temporary.

Does your son have ADHD, ASD or any DX? Try to reach out to your local NAMI and join a support group. You are not alone in dealing with this.Do you have your own therapist?

I highly recommend getting a parent coach who can be available via phone consults to help navigate conflict in real time.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. He does have a psych, but because he is fine at school and mostly only physical with me (and dh when he is home) the psych can't get him into a RTF. Also, he says it is very hard to get a bed anyway.

[Anonymous]

Sorry your going through this. If he's able to hold it together at school, it doesn't sound like he's in crisis.

So you're options are to call your insurance company and see what RTFs are available or hire and educational consultant. An EC will be able to get you in but they cost $5-$8k and they usually don't place at places that accept insurance.

One thought might be to reach out to Huntsman in Utah. They do an in depth analysis and you'll come out with a good plan for next steps. And they take insurance.

Our psych couldn't get us in either. There's no better advocate than you and if you find a place you like via insurance, there's no reason you can't call admissions and see what the process is and what the wait looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. He does have a psych, but because he is fine at school and mostly only physical with me (and dh when he is home) the psych can't get him into a RTF. Also, he says it is very hard to get a bed anyway.

NP and if he is OK at school what about a boarding school option? Seems like that would get him out of the house and cost less than $4K per month. Sorry you're going through this.

[Anonymous]

As I understand them, group homes are for the over 18 set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. He does have a psych, but because he is fine at school and mostly only physical with me (and dh when he is home) the psych can't get him into a RTF. Also, he says it is very hard to get a bed anyway.

I’m sorry you are going through this, OP. I have been there, and it can get better with the right help.

There are waitlists for residential care but depending on his diagnosis, there are options. Is he on an antipsychotic? That really helped calm the rage while we were waiting for a spot in residential treatment for my DC. You need a really good psychologist to work with your whole family to know how to respond when he is aggressive. What does your support look like right now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry your going through this. If he's able to hold it together at school, it doesn't sound like he's in crisis.

So you're options are to call your insurance company and see what RTFs are available or hire and educational consultant. An EC will be able to get you in but they cost $5-$8k and they usually don't place at places that accept insurance.

One thought might be to reach out to Huntsman in Utah. They do an in depth analysis and you'll come out with a good plan for next steps. And they take insurance.

Our psych couldn't get us in either. There's no better advocate than you and if you find a place you like via insurance, there's no reason you can't call admissions and see what the process is and what the wait looks like.

Huntsman is a good recommendation. Agree that your psychiatrist is not likely to be helpful with accessing a higher level of care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry your going through this. If he's able to hold it together at school, it doesn't sound like he's in crisis.

So you're options are to call your insurance company and see what RTFs are available or hire and educational consultant. An EC will be able to get you in but they cost $5-$8k and they usually don't place at places that accept insurance.

One thought might be to reach out to Huntsman in Utah. They do an in depth analysis and you'll come out with a good plan for next steps. And they take insurance.

Our psych couldn't get us in either. There's no better advocate than you and if you find a place you like via insurance, there's no reason you can't call admissions and see what the process is and what the wait looks like.

I agree.

You should not have to live this way. I know you feel stuck. But this may be money very well spent.

[Anonymous]

OP - For documentation, can you have cameras set up in appropriate area of your home that you could turn on that would record your son's interaction with you? You and your husband would be doing it in the best interest of your DS in trying to get him the mental heal/medication help he needs and for your personal self-protection. The only other option would be therapeutic foster care - but he would likely become a ward of the state. Before I would do that, I would change psychiatrists, demonstrate the violence by taping he shows toward you and get a change of medication.

Do you have the funds to get a trained adult to spend time with your DS after school when he is most likely to take out the pressures he is feeling from his day at school on your. So if you can't or do not want to tape encounter, you want to reduce time with DS by having someone who might be able to engage him in positive activities. I am not sure the kind of person to get -- a graduate student in emotional disturbance who would like to gain some hand-on experience and earn some extra money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry your going through this. If he's able to hold it together at school, it doesn't sound like he's in crisis.

So you're options are to call your insurance company and see what RTFs are available or hire and educational consultant. An EC will be able to get you in but they cost $5-$8k and they usually don't place at places that accept insurance.

One thought might be to reach out to Huntsman in Utah. They do an in depth analysis and you'll come out with a good plan for next steps. And they take insurance.

Our psych couldn't get us in either. There's no better advocate than you and if you find a place you like via insurance, there's no reason you can't call admissions and see what the process is and what the wait looks like.

I agree.

You should not have to live this way. I know you feel stuck. But this may be money very well spent.

We are on Medicaid and there aren't any RTFs that will take him without a psychiatrist saying he must go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a psych? Is he on meds? There are meds that can control aggressive behavior even if it's just temporary.

+1 OP some psychiatrists prescribe anti-psychotics for aggressive behavior and rage, depending on the diagnosis and case. These meds are meant to stabilize. As PP said, they are not a long term solution because side effects are significant. You can search the archives for more info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry your going through this. If he's able to hold it together at school, it doesn't sound like he's in crisis.

So you're options are to call your insurance company and see what RTFs are available or hire and educational consultant. An EC will be able to get you in but they cost $5-$8k and they usually don't place at places that accept insurance.

One thought might be to reach out to Huntsman in Utah. They do an in depth analysis and you'll come out with a good plan for next steps. And they take insurance.

Our psych couldn't get us in either. There's no better advocate than you and if you find a place you like via insurance, there's no reason you can't call admissions and see what the process is and what the wait looks like.

I agree.

You should not have to live this way. I know you feel stuck. But this may be money very well spent.

We are on Medicaid and there aren't any RTFs that will take him without a psychiatrist saying he must go.

Sheppard Pratt may have a program. They have a walk in assessment centers in Timonium and Glen Burnie, if he will go with you. Document the aggression.

[Anonymous]

Slightly different, but might be helpful.

My Mom was in the beginning stages of dementia and probably had Frontotemporal dementia. She was paranoid and started physically abusing my Dad. No one believed us because my Dad was bigger than her and she was able to keep it together around other people.

I had cameras installed (that my Dad knew about) that would record. I finally captured her hurting him and was able to show the doctors and finally got the correct diagnosis.