To ED or Not to ED

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, mine got cold feet about three days before ED decisions came out. It was too late, they got in, felt miserable for about 6 months about it, and now attend that school. Kid likes it fine but it's not the dream school in their mind that it once was. I don't think they would have gotten in RD, and there's a decent chance this is the highest-ranked school they would have gotten into (top 50). But they'll never know and that bothers them.

So all that said, if I knew then what I know now, I would have tried to talk them out of ED. They just weren't ready for that big of a decision (even though it all worked out ok).

I think this is where my DD is (OP here). This is her best chance at the highest “ranked” school she has a shot at, but fundamentally, I think she thinks it may be too hard. I think she is just not ready to commit and she may be better off waiting, even if it means a lower ranked school.

A "lower ranked school" that is a better fit for your kid is the best choice. Rankings do NOT matter. Your kid will do 1000x better if at a school they enjoy and fit in with, not at a school they no longer want to be at. So if not 100% certain by ED date, then switch to EA. They will get in to a good school for them and still excel at life

[Anonymous]

Yes she should definitely be given the option of switching to EA. as a parent of a sophomore who continues to be so-so on her school (that she decided to ED 2 for) I can't imagine what it would be like right now if we had forced her to ED. You will be doing yourself a favor down the road to have her own this decision now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This forum does a terrible number on parents. It’s as if your kid is doomed to be a failure if they don’t ED and get into a top 20 school. It’s terribly unhealthy to believe what people say here. If your kid isn’t fully certain where they want to go, then let them take their chances with early or regular decision. It won’t be such a heartbreaking experience if parents properly prepare their kids to be successful wherever they end up at school.

ED does a much bigger number on kids though. It forces this kind of decision really early in the process, given the advantageous odds of applying. But what kids think they want in October and what they want in April often turn out different (obviously there are many for whom it works out great, but far from all).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should definately switch to EA. If she is not 100% certain, then she shouldn't do ED. It doesn't matter if she is "blowing her chances". ED is binding and no kid should be forced to attend a school the parent wants them to just for bragging rights

Is it still a top choice? Keep ED. Is another school clearly a top choice? Don’t ED.

[Anonymous]

Can you switch out of ED once you’ve already applied?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you switch out of ED once you’ve already applied?

You can. You have to do it before a decision is made, though, so they say to do it early. (OP here.)

She is switching to EA at that school. She honestly has no idea what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum does a terrible number on parents. It’s as if your kid is doomed to be a failure if they don’t ED and get into a top 20 school. It’s terribly unhealthy to believe what people say here. If your kid isn’t fully certain where they want to go, then let them take their chances with early or regular decision. It won’t be such a heartbreaking experience if parents properly prepare their kids to be successful wherever they end up at school.

ED does a much bigger number on kids though. It forces this kind of decision really early in the process, given the advantageous odds of applying. But what kids think they want in October and what they want in April often turn out different (obviously there are many for whom it works out great, but far from all).

I have read this advice many times on dcum, and it makes sense. But, why do kids better “know” what they want in April of senior yr vs Nov of senior yr, and more so than they do in April of senior yr vs Sept after grsdusting when they actually start college. Meaning, couldn’t there be as much regret after one accepts in April as if one accepts in Nov?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum does a terrible number on parents. It’s as if your kid is doomed to be a failure if they don’t ED and get into a top 20 school. It’s terribly unhealthy to believe what people say here. If your kid isn’t fully certain where they want to go, then let them take their chances with early or regular decision. It won’t be such a heartbreaking experience if parents properly prepare their kids to be successful wherever they end up at school.

ED does a much bigger number on kids though. It forces this kind of decision really early in the process, given the advantageous odds of applying. But what kids think they want in October and what they want in April often turn out different (obviously there are many for whom it works out great, but far from all).

I have read this advice many times on dcum, and it makes sense. But, why do kids better “know” what they want in April of senior yr vs Nov of senior yr, and more so than they do in April of senior yr vs Sept after grsdusting when they actually start college. Meaning, couldn’t there be as much regret after one accepts in April as if one accepts in Nov?

It gives more time to figure it out. They mature and their visions evolve. I saw it with my first (who did not ED) and am now seeing it with my second.

[Anonymous]

I come at it from the opposite perspective - kids have too much pressure to find the One True School of their dreams and get psyched out over School A vs. School B vs. whatever might be behind door #3. My advice (which worked for my kid) is don't fall in love with a school. Find a bunch of schools that are a good fit generally speaking by whatever criteria are most important to you. If there's a school that takes a lot of kids ED, then use that option strategically to help get an admission that might be impossible otherwise. Don't overthink any of this.

[Anonymous]

My kid went ED on a private school that is a top school. HHI is 350K. Kid had the credentials - academic, EC, Awards, internship, jobs, published paper, essays and recommendations.

I was sick to my stomach thinking that we will be out 360K in 4 years. My DH was insisting that we could afford it, but I was horrified because he could go to our state flagship for 80K. I kept asking if the extra 280K was worth it for that degree? Would someone give that money to my kid ever in life for him to get a leg-up?

Thankfully, the ED school rejected him. At that point, he went to the in-state school and with the amount of merit aid he got, it will cost us the cost of meals. That is all.

I would never go ED again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I come at it from the opposite perspective - kids have too much pressure to find the One True School of their dreams and get psyched out over School A vs. School B vs. whatever might be behind door #3. My advice (which worked for my kid) is don't fall in love with a school. Find a bunch of schools that are a good fit generally speaking by whatever criteria are most important to you. If there's a school that takes a lot of kids ED, then use that option strategically to help get an admission that might be impossible otherwise. Don't overthink any of this.

This was what we did last year. Kid considering 3-4 schools as his top choice but had no clear front runner. One of the schools is known to use ED to fill its class with kids like him. He applied ED and got in. He’s happy to be at a school that probably would have rejected him in RD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid went ED on a private school that is a top school. HHI is 350K. Kid had the credentials - academic, EC, Awards, internship, jobs, published paper, essays and recommendations.

I was sick to my stomach thinking that we will be out 360K in 4 years. My DH was insisting that we could afford it, but I was horrified because he could go to our state flagship for 80K. I kept asking if the extra 280K was worth it for that degree? Would someone give that money to my kid ever in life for him to get a leg-up?

Thankfully, the ED school rejected him. At that point, he went to the in-state school and with the amount of merit aid he got, it will cost us the cost of meals. That is all.

I would never go ED again.

We went through the same stomach churning experience when DC applied to an elite private - likewise had the stats, etc, likewise rejected - ended up at a state school with good merit and honors program…and loves it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum does a terrible number on parents. It’s as if your kid is doomed to be a failure if they don’t ED and get into a top 20 school. It’s terribly unhealthy to believe what people say here. If your kid isn’t fully certain where they want to go, then let them take their chances with early or regular decision. It won’t be such a heartbreaking experience if parents properly prepare their kids to be successful wherever they end up at school.

ED does a much bigger number on kids though. It forces this kind of decision really early in the process, given the advantageous odds of applying. But what kids think they want in October and what they want in April often turn out different (obviously there are many for whom it works out great, but far from all).

I have read this advice many times on dcum, and it makes sense. But, why do kids better “know” what they want in April of senior yr vs Nov of senior yr, and more so than they do in April of senior yr vs Sept after grsdusting when they actually start college. Meaning, couldn’t there be as much regret after one accepts in April as if one accepts in Nov?

There's also a big difference between deciding on ONE school (ED) so early vs. having several to choose from in April. ED is great for some kids. This time last year, I would have sworn mine was one of them. She seemed sure. But ultimately she wasn't and regretted ED. It all worked out as these things usually do but if OP's kid is already having doubts, she probably isn't ready to commit and that's totally normal and ok.

[Anonymous]

For many kids the comfort of knowing where you will attend Dec-April and really being able to enjoy your senior year while others are chewing fingernails and busting to raise semester grades is a highly significant benefit.

This is in addition to the gigantic admissions benefit if it is a competitive situation.

The idea that kids generally mature and gain great insights during that specific 4 months is not really plausible, IMHO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum does a terrible number on parents. It’s as if your kid is doomed to be a failure if they don’t ED and get into a top 20 school. It’s terribly unhealthy to believe what people say here. If your kid isn’t fully certain where they want to go, then let them take their chances with early or regular decision. It won’t be such a heartbreaking experience if parents properly prepare their kids to be successful wherever they end up at school.

ED does a much bigger number on kids though. It forces this kind of decision really early in the process, given the advantageous odds of applying. But what kids think they want in October and what they want in April often turn out different (obviously there are many for whom it works out great, but far from all).

I have read this advice many times on dcum, and it makes sense. But, why do kids better “know” what they want in April of senior yr vs Nov of senior yr, and more so than they do in April of senior yr vs Sept after grsdusting when they actually start college. Meaning, couldn’t there be as much regret after one accepts in April as if one accepts in Nov?

It gives more time to figure it out. They mature and their visions evolve. I saw it with my first (who did not ED) and am now seeing it with my second.

So would taking a gap year. The point is, call the question.