Help with my picky eaters!

[Anonymous]

This is OP thank you all this is very helpful. I think anxiety is definitely playing a part for the 4yo, he has some anxiety about other things as well. How do you get your kids to STAY at the table for the full meal? Often 4yo will come to the table and see whats for dinner and refuse to even sit once he sees what we're having. We tell him he doesn't need to sit just keep us company but he will just wander around moaning about how terrible dinner is. We usually make him sit in his room while we finish eating but then he doesn't eat. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP thank you all this is very helpful. I think anxiety is definitely playing a part for the 4yo, he has some anxiety about other things as well. How do you get your kids to STAY at the table for the full meal? Often 4yo will come to the table and see whats for dinner and refuse to even sit once he sees what we're having. We tell him he doesn't need to sit just keep us company but he will just wander around moaning about how terrible dinner is. We usually make him sit in his room while we finish eating but then he doesn't eat. Thoughts?

Can you just have a glass of wine with dinner and not worry about it so much?

Enjoy your meal and your time with your family. If he wants to eat applesauce and milk for dinner and a peanut butter sandwich before bed, then great. Play a game at dinner, like the rhyming game or “rose, bud, thorn.” Show him that you are enjoying your food and your mealtime with your family, and that’s where he will expect that he will do when he’s older. Who cares if he’s watching from the couch in the other room? He’s still watching you, and he will learn, from you, what it’s like to have pleasant meals that aren’t fraught with anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP thank you all this is very helpful. I think anxiety is definitely playing a part for the 4yo, he has some anxiety about other things as well. How do you get your kids to STAY at the table for the full meal? Often 4yo will come to the table and see whats for dinner and refuse to even sit once he sees what we're having. We tell him he doesn't need to sit just keep us company but he will just wander around moaning about how terrible dinner is. We usually make him sit in his room while we finish eating but then he doesn't eat. Thoughts?

Are you offering him some foods he likes? Are you engaging in fun, non-food related conversation over dinner? It sounds like dinner is a stressful time for him which is the case for lots of picky kids. I think you're overthinking, I would try to let go a bit and not worry so much about what he does, and just try to maintain a pleasant, stress-free atmosphere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP thank you all this is very helpful. I think anxiety is definitely playing a part for the 4yo, he has some anxiety about other things as well. How do you get your kids to STAY at the table for the full meal? Often 4yo will come to the table and see whats for dinner and refuse to even sit once he sees what we're having. We tell him he doesn't need to sit just keep us company but he will just wander around moaning about how terrible dinner is. We usually make him sit in his room while we finish eating but then he doesn't eat. Thoughts?

Are you offering him some foods he likes? Are you engaging in fun, non-food related conversation over dinner? It sounds like dinner is a stressful time for him which is the case for lots of picky kids. I think you're overthinking, I would try to let go a bit and not worry so much about what he does, and just try to maintain a pleasant, stress-free atmosphere.

Oh and I would not send him to his room alone while the rest of you are eating. He should be permitted to stay in the same space as long as he's not disrupting everyone else's meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP thank you all this is very helpful. I think anxiety is definitely playing a part for the 4yo, he has some anxiety about other things as well. How do you get your kids to STAY at the table for the full meal? Often 4yo will come to the table and see whats for dinner and refuse to even sit once he sees what we're having. We tell him he doesn't need to sit just keep us company but he will just wander around moaning about how terrible dinner is. We usually make him sit in his room while we finish eating but then he doesn't eat. Thoughts?

I would insist he stay at the table, but be completely clear that he doesn't need to eat anything; the only reason he needs to stay is manners/socialization. If he's stressed about it, maybe let him bring a book or toy to the table? And/or make sure the rest of you are engaging in cheerful non-food-based conversation -- my family used to play 20 questions during family dinners growing up and I remember them very fondly for that more than the food. But also attentions spans are short at this age, so make sure the required socialization time (i.e. time for adults to be reasonably done eating) is pretty short.

[Anonymous]

Drop the rope. Read Ellyn Satter. I have 2 picky eaters and at 8 and 6 they are trying (and adding!) new foods on a weekly or monthly basis.

It has taken YEARS. Literally years. Over that time we have added some foods and lost others. Some foods get added into the rotation for a few months (beef tacos in a crunchy shell, French pineapple) and then dropped. Other foods seem to be permanently added to the rotation - cheeseburger, grilled cheese, chicken in a quesadilla, ravioli and tortellini, mini cucumbers, turkey lunchmeat.

I think a lot of people think kids are picky when they won’t eat veggies or “mixed up” foods like stir fry, curry, and stew. I’ve had kids who didn’t eat pizza or sandwiches. My kids refuse to try mash potatoes or meatballs! Adding chicken nuggets, pizza, and hamburger (only one kid) was game changing because we could go to restaurants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP thank you all this is very helpful. I think anxiety is definitely playing a part for the 4yo, he has some anxiety about other things as well. How do you get your kids to STAY at the table for the full meal? Often 4yo will come to the table and see whats for dinner and refuse to even sit once he sees what we're having. We tell him he doesn't need to sit just keep us company but he will just wander around moaning about how terrible dinner is. We usually make him sit in his room while we finish eating but then he doesn't eat. Thoughts?

I would insist he stay at the table, but be completely clear that he doesn't need to eat anything; the only reason he needs to stay is manners/socialization. If he's stressed about it, maybe let him bring a book or toy to the table? And/or make sure the rest of you are engaging in cheerful non-food-based conversation -- my family used to play 20 questions during family dinners growing up and I remember them very fondly for that more than the food. But also attentions spans are short at this age, so make sure the required socialization time (i.e. time for adults to be reasonably done eating) is pretty short.

We use a timer for kids to stay at the table for 15 minutes. We let out 5 yr old take breaks of 3-5 min, but the rule is if he is on a break he can’t talk to anyone at the table and we won’t engage with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP thank you all this is very helpful. I think anxiety is definitely playing a part for the 4yo, he has some anxiety about other things as well. How do you get your kids to STAY at the table for the full meal? Often 4yo will come to the table and see whats for dinner and refuse to even sit once he sees what we're having. We tell him he doesn't need to sit just keep us company but he will just wander around moaning about how terrible dinner is. We usually make him sit in his room while we finish eating but then he doesn't eat. Thoughts?

I mean, it sounds like you have a 4-year-old doing whatever he wants and running the show, tbh. Watch some Supernanny and while nobody is expecting him to sit for an hour, 10 minutes or a bit more is perfectly reasonable. How about you get down to his level and tell him that kind of behavior is not acceptable and sit your bottom down on that chair right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP thank you all this is very helpful. I think anxiety is definitely playing a part for the 4yo, he has some anxiety about other things as well. How do you get your kids to STAY at the table for the full meal? Often 4yo will come to the table and see whats for dinner and refuse to even sit once he sees what we're having. We tell him he doesn't need to sit just keep us company but he will just wander around moaning about how terrible dinner is. We usually make him sit in his room while we finish eating but then he doesn't eat. Thoughts?

I mean, it sounds like you have a 4-year-old doing whatever he wants and running the show, tbh. Watch some Supernanny and while nobody is expecting him to sit for an hour, 10 minutes or a bit more is perfectly reasonable. How about you get down to his level and tell him that kind of behavior is not acceptable and sit your bottom down on that chair right now.

Agree. Stop being so afraid of your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP thank you all this is very helpful. I think anxiety is definitely playing a part for the 4yo, he has some anxiety about other things as well. How do you get your kids to STAY at the table for the full meal? Often 4yo will come to the table and see whats for dinner and refuse to even sit once he sees what we're having. We tell him he doesn't need to sit just keep us company but he will just wander around moaning about how terrible dinner is. We usually make him sit in his room while we finish eating but then he doesn't eat. Thoughts?

I mean, it sounds like you have a 4-year-old doing whatever he wants and running the show, tbh. Watch some Supernanny and while nobody is expecting him to sit for an hour, 10 minutes or a bit more is perfectly reasonable. How about you get down to his level and tell him that kind of behavior is not acceptable and sit your bottom down on that chair right now.

This, omg. It's okay if your 4 year old is pissed off at you for being a parent every now and again.

[Anonymous]

OP I’m not suggesting this will work for you, but I’ll offer it as something that helped us. We made it a game. Once a week or so we started trying more and more exotic foods, and told stories about the places those foods came from. We called them “food adventures” and treated them like exciting journeys. Sometimes we just went out to restaurants, other times we ate in. If the flavors were too much, he could eat whatever, but for the adventure to “count” he had to have one taste of the new food.

It is cheesy, but my son went from being a pretty picky eater to a tween who prides himself on knowing about and enjoying lots of foods.

[Anonymous]

I was a really picky kid and there are still some things I don’t like. There are a lot of issues with texture. To combat that, I’d suggest you offer more raw vegetables. As a kid, I’d munch a giant plate of carrots, sugar snap peas, peppers, etc but if you cooked them I’d find it gross. I’d also avoid stews, casseroles, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I’m not suggesting this will work for you, but I’ll offer it as something that helped us. We made it a game. Once a week or so we started trying more and more exotic foods, and told stories about the places those foods came from. We called them “food adventures” and treated them like exciting journeys. Sometimes we just went out to restaurants, other times we ate in. If the flavors were too much, he could eat whatever, but for the adventure to “count” he had to have one taste of the new food.

It is cheesy, but my son went from being a pretty picky eater to a tween who prides himself on knowing about and enjoying lots of foods.

I love this idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP thank you all this is very helpful. I think anxiety is definitely playing a part for the 4yo, he has some anxiety about other things as well. How do you get your kids to STAY at the table for the full meal? Often 4yo will come to the table and see whats for dinner and refuse to even sit once he sees what we're having. We tell him he doesn't need to sit just keep us company but he will just wander around moaning about how terrible dinner is. We usually make him sit in his room while we finish eating but then he doesn't eat. Thoughts?

I’m PP who said we don’t allow kids to pick what they eat. When the kids were little we made mealtime fun with music, conversation games, and even books to finish. There is definitely an attention span issue at this age. They will leave not bc they are full but bc there are toys nearby. The important thing is to train them, like anything else you want them to do. I had roughly an idea of what I was aiming at — three square meals with plenty of veg and protein — and then structured accordingly with limited snacks etc. If you let them fill up on milk and snacks between, they won’t be hungry. If it’s always at different times and sometimes it’s just toast for dinner, that’s what they get used to. We invested time in cooking a variety of things and making food fun and tasty, so it was something they really looked forward to and they wouldn’t get in a rut and eat only one thing.

That may be over the top for some — food is really important to us though for cultural reasons and just because we enjoy cooking and eating out and trying new things. It was important for us to raise kids who could appreciate that.

[Anonymous]

When I was growing up all meals were served with no substitutions. If you didn't want to eat, fine, but nothing until next meal. There were no picky eaters and none of us had food issues. I did the same with my children but my sister indulged her children and each one had different food they would eat. Her son wanted to spend a week with me when he was 8 and I told him my table rules. He told me that he was only picky with his mother.

I firmly believe that mothers fussing over their children's eating and making mountains out of any hills is what makes picky eaters.