Why are Rich Men always sought after?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Patriarchy. For most of human history, women have not been permitted to acquire wealth, and so your best chance at survival was to marry a wealthy man. The cultural beliefs still persist - we raise girls on princess movies, which indoctrinates them early on that their value is based on the man they can attract.

I know for me, once I worked through these beliefs and learned how to become wealthy on my own, I lost all interest in rich men.

I am not a woman so I won't speak for you but isn't some of this evolutionary? Like, women are attracted to men with power and ambition for which money is a stand-in? Just as men are attracted to youth and fertility?

PP. I also happen to have a degree in biological anthropology

So the thing to keep in mind is:

1. Despite thousands of people doing it, sitting in a chair and thinking up what might be evolutionary advantageous is not science. You need actual data, not just what seems correct. Otherwise we'd all still think the world was flat.

2. Most data only looks at what are called WEIRD cultures (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic), which are actually the outlier when compared to world cultures and human history. For most of human history, we didn't have wealth - there was no way to acquire it and no need for it.

3. Most research is on white, Western college students age 18-21yo, because they are easily accessible by researchers. But clearly they don't represent a clear picture on all of humanity.

4. Most research until recently has been performed by white men, who are seeing data through their own biases. For example, it used to be "fact" that women had large glutes compared to other animals to be sexually appealing to men. Then science showed that, no, actually we have large glutes for bipedal walking, and sexual appeal is cultural.

When we look at other cultures, especially when they haven't been influenced by Western culture, we find very different data. For example, among hunter gatherers - which are generally accepted to be a more accurate representation of human history - both males and females rate the quality of "character" (being nice, kind, caring, an overall good person) as most important, and that males value "hard working" just as much as "beauty". That study also showed that only a small percentage of males rated "youth" as important. This is in direct contrast to what Western culture holds as the ideal partnership - a hunter gatherer male would have little use for a young, attractive female who refused to work and used up resources. Looking beautiful doesn't feed your children, and food is important in an environment where you're just a couple days away from starvation.

The takeaway is that what we are attracted to is most often cultural, and important for survival within that cultural. Which is really an overarching theme with humans - we rely far more on cultural adaptations than biological adaptations, which is what lead to our success as a species. BUT we can also change those cultural beliefs when they aren't serving us. Making my own wealth is far more beneficial for me and my children than trying to find a wealthy man.

So....Borat was right that he wanted a woman with plow experience!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As my friends and I discovered in our 20s, there is no correlation between a man’s net worth and the ability/desire for that man to treat a woman well; that is, a poor one is no less likely not to be an jerk than a rich one. If poor guys were so much better than rich ones, I think a lot more women would go that route, but since that’s the not the case, and you’re likely going to be dealing with the same stuff either way, you may as well be with a rich one (or at least not a poor one).

This is true in the same way that beautiful women are just as likely to be intelligent, funny, kind, and successful as less attractive women.

Yes? Why would this be surprising? Who do you think most Ivy League graduates marry? It’s…other Ivy League graduates. Plenty of beautiful women bring their own money and brains to the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As my friends and I discovered in our 20s, there is no correlation between a man’s net worth and the ability/desire for that man to treat a woman well; that is, a poor one is no less likely not to be an jerk than a rich one. If poor guys were so much better than rich ones, I think a lot more women would go that route, but since that’s the not the case, and you’re likely going to be dealing with the same stuff either way, you may as well be with a rich one (or at least not a poor one).

This is true in the same way that beautiful women are just as likely to be intelligent, funny, kind, and successful as less attractive women.

Yes? Why would this be surprising? Who do you think most Ivy League graduates marry? It’s…other Ivy League graduates. Plenty of beautiful women bring their own money and brains to the table.

Yeah but those women are not marrying some poor guy. Even rich women want to marry rich man.

[Anonymous]

I mean we’re all out there searching for the unicorn- a good looking, nice, rich man. But if you can’t get all that, a rich man works just fine.

Also, I’ve met plenty of poor a-holes. You’d think they’d try to be nice since their wallets are thin and they don’t have much else to offer, but nope.

(I’m a female who married right out of college for love and made my own money)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As my friends and I discovered in our 20s, there is no correlation between a man’s net worth and the ability/desire for that man to treat a woman well; that is, a poor one is no less likely not to be an jerk than a rich one. If poor guys were so much better than rich ones, I think a lot more women would go that route, but since that’s the not the case, and you’re likely going to be dealing with the same stuff either way, you may as well be with a rich one (or at least not a poor one).

This is true in the same way that beautiful women are just as likely to be intelligent, funny, kind, and successful as less attractive women.

Yes? Why would this be surprising? Who do you think most Ivy League graduates marry? It’s…other Ivy League graduates. Plenty of beautiful women bring their own money and brains to the table.

It's a very common trope here.

[Anonymous]

Most women can’t/won’t support themselves on their own. They need/want someone to provide financial security. This was not the case for me, because I make a good salary and can support myself without another income. I never looked for rich men. I wanted a man who wasn’t a spendthrift and could cover his bills.

Rich men were always a turnoff for me. In my experience, the relationship seem to have a large power imbalance, where the women are catering to the rich man’s wants. And women in these relationships stop working and become less employable. I could never be vulnerable enough to be in that situation. Finally - it seems the rich men bring money to the table and they expect women to bring beauty and sexual attraction. I don’t like being valued as an object. And the women I see at the gym in these relationships seem to be working so they don’t get replaced by a newer, pretty model. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As my friends and I discovered in our 20s, there is no correlation between a man’s net worth and the ability/desire for that man to treat a woman well; that is, a poor one is no less likely not to be an jerk than a rich one. If poor guys were so much better than rich ones, I think a lot more women would go that route, but since that’s the not the case, and you’re likely going to be dealing with the same stuff either way, you may as well be with a rich one (or at least not a poor one).

This is true in the same way that beautiful women are just as likely to be intelligent, funny, kind, and successful as less attractive women.

Yes? Why would this be surprising? Who do you think most Ivy League graduates marry? It’s…other Ivy League graduates. Plenty of beautiful women bring their own money and brains to the table.

Yeah but those women are not marrying some poor guy. Even rich women want to marry rich man.

I mean have you just heard now of assortive mating? Yes, wealthy people of both genders marry other wealthy people even if the man is more wealthy than the woman, they don’t marry penniless baristas who dropped out of high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three things I learned during my long marriage:

1. Women love money.
2. Women are jealous of money other women seem to have access to.
3. Women love having money that they didn't have to work for, i.e. money they are "entitled to".

Three things I learned since being divorced:

1. Women love boats.
2. Women, including educated, professional women, in other countries love rich American men.
3. Young women will do almost anything to be around a guy who has money.

LOL wtf I hate boats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really see this.

My experience is that handsome, charismatic men have a lot of women around. Being rich isn’t enough if you are also socially awkward.

Depends how rich. If you are talking just BigLaw or Chief Surgeon money, it can take more. If you are talking tens of millions, then it speaks for itself

“Rich” biglaw partners in DC make $3-$7 million per year. They tend to be well into 8 figure net worth by 45 or 50.

[Anonymous]

Women like men who are generous and powerful, money is a good indicator for both of these. There is literally nothing sexier than a man who enjoys women and easily picks up tabs for men and women.

In college I dated a guy who split everything with me 50/50. I thought it was fair, we were both working low-wage jobs. After I broke up with him (unrelated to splitting meals), a guy ten years my senior (with a real job at a real law firm and a real car) asked me out. One day we were out shopping and he told me to pick out anything I wanted and just handed his card to the cashier. I never buy new things and I have zero taste for expensive clothes, but I never forgot that feeling of wow this guy is smiling at me, telling me I look beautiful in this dress and handing the woman his card without a care in the world. Same guy bought a $1 rose from a street vendor and gave it to me, no expectations or “you can buy drinks and I‘ll get dinner“. It’s hard to go back to 50/50 when you have been with a generous man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As my friends and I discovered in our 20s, there is no correlation between a man’s net worth and the ability/desire for that man to treat a woman well; that is, a poor one is no less likely not to be an jerk than a rich one. If poor guys were so much better than rich ones, I think a lot more women would go that route, but since that’s the not the case, and you’re likely going to be dealing with the same stuff either way, you may as well be with a rich one (or at least not a poor one).

This is true in the same way that beautiful women are just as likely to be intelligent, funny, kind, and successful as less attractive women.

Yes? Why would this be surprising? Who do you think most Ivy League graduates marry? It’s…other Ivy League graduates. Plenty of beautiful women bring their own money and brains to the table.

Yeah but those women are not marrying some poor guy. Even rich women want to marry rich man.

I mean have you just heard now of assortive mating? Yes, wealthy people of both genders marry other wealthy people even if the man is more wealthy than the woman, they don’t marry penniless baristas who dropped out of high school.

Yeah, and this is so misguided.

Most rich men would be FAR better off with a hot, grateful, low maintenance ex-barista that is 15+ years younger. We don’t need an intellectual challenge in a wife. We don’t need someone with her own massive ambitions. I have friends and colleagues and business associates for that. We need someone to care for children, tend the home, work out, and provide sexual gratification. That’s it.

[Anonymous]

I know a fair number of rich men that don’t do great with women. But they’re almost all socially awkward. That being said, I’ve heard that some older, less attractive wealthy men will turn to sugar babies. I was once curious about the phenomenon and spent some time reading about it. Women would complain that their sugar daddies were ugly and the point was brought up that the attractive, single, wealthy men didn’t need a sugar baby because they could what they wanted in the dating pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As my friends and I discovered in our 20s, there is no correlation between a man’s net worth and the ability/desire for that man to treat a woman well; that is, a poor one is no less likely not to be an jerk than a rich one. If poor guys were so much better than rich ones, I think a lot more women would go that route, but since that’s the not the case, and you’re likely going to be dealing with the same stuff either way, you may as well be with a rich one (or at least not a poor one).

This is true in the same way that beautiful women are just as likely to be intelligent, funny, kind, and successful as less attractive women.

Yes? Why would this be surprising? Who do you think most Ivy League graduates marry? It’s…other Ivy League graduates. Plenty of beautiful women bring their own money and brains to the table.

Yeah but those women are not marrying some poor guy. Even rich women want to marry rich man.

I mean have you just heard now of assortive mating? Yes, wealthy people of both genders marry other wealthy people even if the man is more wealthy than the woman, they don’t marry penniless baristas who dropped out of high school.

Yeah, and this is so misguided.

Most rich men would be FAR better off with a hot, grateful, low maintenance ex-barista that is 15+ years younger. We don’t need an intellectual challenge in a wife. We don’t need someone with her own massive ambitions. I have friends and colleagues and business associates for that. We need someone to care for children, tend the home, work out, and provide sexual gratification. That’s it.

Ha. I did almost all the childcare and housework, worked out, had enthusiastic sex 4-5 times a week, and H cheated because I wasn’t intellectually stimulating the way OW was. Literally when I was broken down sobbing he said to me “I can’t talk to you about The Hero’s Journey”.

Funny thing is I am far more educated than both of them. It’s just that I was too busy doing freaking *everything* so that he could pursue his sh!tty art and writing. I didn’t have the time or bandwidth to sit on my phone all night reading “literary critique” and watching indie films the way he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Patriarchy. For most of human history, women have not been permitted to acquire wealth, and so your best chance at survival was to marry a wealthy man. The cultural beliefs still persist - we raise girls on princess movies, which indoctrinates them early on that their value is based on the man they can attract.

I know for me, once I worked through these beliefs and learned how to become wealthy on my own, I lost all interest in rich men.

This is me too. Once I started making my own wealth, I lost interest in wealthy men. It is incredibly liberating to become independently wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As my friends and I discovered in our 20s, there is no correlation between a man’s net worth and the ability/desire for that man to treat a woman well; that is, a poor one is no less likely not to be an jerk than a rich one. If poor guys were so much better than rich ones, I think a lot more women would go that route, but since that’s the not the case, and you’re likely going to be dealing with the same stuff either way, you may as well be with a rich one (or at least not a poor one).

This is true in the same way that beautiful women are just as likely to be intelligent, funny, kind, and successful as less attractive women.

Yes? Why would this be surprising? Who do you think most Ivy League graduates marry? It’s…other Ivy League graduates. Plenty of beautiful women bring their own money and brains to the table.

Yeah but those women are not marrying some poor guy. Even rich women want to marry rich man.

I mean have you just heard now of assortive mating? Yes, wealthy people of both genders marry other wealthy people even if the man is more wealthy than the woman, they don’t marry penniless baristas who dropped out of high school.

Yeah, and this is so misguided.

Most rich men would be FAR better off with a hot, grateful, low maintenance ex-barista that is 15+ years younger. We don’t need an intellectual challenge in a wife. We don’t need someone with her own massive ambitions. I have friends and colleagues and business associates for that. We need someone to care for children, tend the home, work out, and provide sexual gratification. That’s it.

Ha. I did almost all the childcare and housework, worked out, had enthusiastic sex 4-5 times a week, and H cheated because I wasn’t intellectually stimulating the way OW was. Literally when I was broken down sobbing he said to me “I can’t talk to you about The Hero’s Journey”.

Funny thing is I am far more educated than both of them. It’s just that I was too busy doing freaking *everything* so that he could pursue his sh!tty art and writing. I didn’t have the time or bandwidth to sit on my phone all night reading “literary critique” and watching indie films the way he did.

That sucks. I’m the vaguely misogynist PP your replied to. Your Xh was the problem. You seem to have the special sauce, you’ll be good.