Why does my MIL do this?? Baby item edition.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell her you are still using the stuff at home.

My mom started hitting yard sales and consignment sales to get baby/toddler/kid stuff once the grandkids came. Having a pack and play, a high chair, a stroller and car seats at her house was SO helpful, and I only live 20 minutes away . She'd also get tons of cheap toys that way, so that if one of the kids loved something, she'd just send it home with us. Sneaky grandma! But it was great, because she didn't spend a ton of money on anything, and if something wasn't used, she'd just donate it.

[Anonymous]

I think your MIL wants more visits and she also wants you to buy these for her house.

My parent said no multiple times to baby stuff at their house. Except they live very close and we have dinner there at least once a week. I finally just brought a nice Graco folding high chair with me. And then praised how wonderful it was to stick my 6 month old in instead of holding the baby on my lap the entire meal. After multiple times of them making unsafe sleep places for my babies, I bought them a pack n play. I've also bought them car seats because they love to pick my kids up from daycare.

Anyways, my mom thinks it was genius that she didn't have to buy any baby stuff for her house and it just appears. When my kids outgrow it (I have 3 kids), she gives it back to me and I have to sell it on facebook marketplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My god, you people get annoyed if MIL breathes wrong. 🙄

Amen. Such hateful dil’s here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do a yearly in-law visit (they live far, far away). At the end of the visit, my MIL tells us we should leave ____ baby item with them, e.g. the pack and play, the stroller, etc. It’s so strange because we are still very much using those items (e.g. baby is sleeping in the pack n play every night of the visit) and yet MIL is like, “you should give it to me. Leave it with me.”

Of course we don’t give her the items, but we’re perplexed: What is her motivation? For context, she has no other grandkids (nor any in the pipeline, so to speak), she doesn’t babysit, and she spends almost zero time interacting with her grandkid during visits other than taking a few photos for Facebook.

Any ideas? Is it:

a) she wants to sell them (even though she has plenty of money)
b) she wants to donate them to look generous
c) she thinks our kid is too old to use a stroller at 2 years and this is a subtle parenting criticism
d) she thinks taking away baby items will encourage us to have more grandbabies (wouldn't we actually need them, though?)
e) she wants to display the items in her home to show what a great grandma she is?
f)____?

Sounds like you are looking for ways to criticize your MIL. This is not a way to do that.

[Anonymous]

Hahahahahha did your husband sit down with you to make that list of improbable reasons?

[Anonymous]

Uh she’s excited to have a grandchild and is hoping you visit more with the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you have one kid. And you’ve likely made 2, possibly 3 visits in 3 years. My question is why are you fixated on this question that has been asked all of maybe 3 times. You seriously took all this time to type up the situation and generate a list of possible reasons.

What’s this about? Do you not have anything else going on in your life?

Well you clearly ALSO have nothing going on in your life in order to read the entire post and then comment on it.

I don't get responses like this. Are you a horrid person in your offline life, too? DCUM is clearly a social site to waste time and if that's how people want to spend their time, why make a nasty comment on it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have one kid. And you’ve likely made 2, possibly 3 visits in 3 years. My question is why are you fixated on this question that has been asked all of maybe 3 times. You seriously took all this time to type up the situation and generate a list of possible reasons.

What’s this about? Do you not have anything else going on in your life?

Well you clearly ALSO have nothing going on in your life in order to read the entire post and then comment on it.

I don't get responses like this. Are you a horrid person in your offline life, too? DCUM is clearly a social site to waste time and if that's how people want to spend their time, why make a nasty comment on it?

DP so OP makes a nasty thread about her MIL and you call PP "horrid" for questioning it? Did you all OP names too? Nastiness begets nastiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She wants you to visit more often and leaving those things there will make it easier to travel also you do it more than once a year. Duh. When my kids were born my mom went out and bought a crib, borrowed strollers and high chairs and such all to make visiting her home as easy for us as possible. We appreciated it. But, there you go, always looking for the negative.

+1 this was my immediate reaction. She is suggesting that she will keep those items so you can use them on the next visit.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s a hint to visit more. Families in other countries know that logistically there can’t be frequent visits. It’s not like American boomers who think it’s no big deal to drive for eight hours or book domestic flights frequently. She wants the items to use with or give to other family members which is culturally common. She thinks it would be easy for you to just pick up another one back in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do a yearly in-law visit (they live far, far away). At the end of the visit, my MIL tells us we should leave ____ baby item with them, e.g. the pack and play, the stroller, etc. It’s so strange because we are still very much using those items (e.g. baby is sleeping in the pack n play every night of the visit) and yet MIL is like, “you should give it to me. Leave it with me.”

Of course we don’t give her the items, but we’re perplexed: What is her motivation? For context, she has no other grandkids (nor any in the pipeline, so to speak), she doesn’t babysit, and she spends almost zero time interacting with her grandkid during visits other than taking a few photos for Facebook.

Any ideas? Is it:

a) she wants to sell them (even though she has plenty of money)
b) she wants to donate them to look generous
c) she thinks our kid is too old to use a stroller at 2 years and this is a subtle parenting criticism
d) she thinks taking away baby items will encourage us to have more grandbabies (wouldn't we actually need them, though?)
e) she wants to display the items in her home to show what a great grandma she is?
f)____?

Sounds like you are looking for ways to criticize your MIL. This is not a way to do that.

Seriously, OP. There are better ways to act - please try to reframe a bit. Do you want to live your entire life being petty and bitter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s a hint to visit more. Families in other countries know that logistically there can’t be frequent visits. It’s not like American boomers who think it’s no big deal to drive for eight hours or book domestic flights frequently. She wants the items to use with or give to other family members which is culturally common. She thinks it would be easy for you to just pick up another one back in the US.

OP here with an update, It's kind of this, but with a bit of crazy twist.

Approximately 35 years ago, MIL was done having babies and stored her big baby items (stroller, crib, rocker) at her mother’s house. About ten years later (when MIL’s kids were elementary/tweens and she was well past having kids herself), her sister’s daughter had an unexpected teen pregnancy. MIL’s sister came to their mother’s house and “borrowed” my MIL’s baby crib and stroller for her 16-year-old daughter (they are poor, they really could not afford to buy these items). When MIL found out, she was angry that her sister had taken her baby things. The sister never gave the items back, claiming they broke (entirely likely—the items were 20 years old and had gone through several kids by the time her sister took them).

Fast forward to the future, the teen mom, now in her 40s, had a change-of-life baby about a year before we had our baby. When MIL found out we were expecting, MIL demanded that her niece give her the new crib and stroller that the niece bought for her change-of-life baby so MIL could use it for her grandkid/our kid. Her niece said no, but I’ll sell it to you for 100 dollars in six months when my kid isn’t using it anymore (original sales price 129 dollars).

MIL stewed over this a lot, and we told her it was fine, we have a pack n’ play and a stroller, no need to buy another.

Loooong story short, it appears that MIL wanted our baby things to start the cycle over, by having big ticket baby items that she can then have the pleasure of denying giving to her sister’s great-grandchildren (whenever they might show up). Even though her grandchild is literally still using those items, it doesn’t matter, MIL needs them for her revenge plot.

I know what you’re thinking, why didn’t MIL just buy some new items to withhold from her sister’s grandkids (she’s very well-off), but the answer is, MIL is as cheap as she is vindictive.

Anyway, I hope that helps answer the question of, why do you visit your MIL only once a year?

[Anonymous]

She probably doesn't realize how fast they will outgrow the gear in between the far and few visits, or realize that you use it for other things throughout the year.

I don't like my MIL, and she had plenty of baby gear as props around the house (literally, a broken baby gate and a high chair that tips over, and a car seat from maybe the late 90s). But the mention of leaving stuff there barely scratches the surface of something to deeply question. Just respond with a "we're going to need it for an upcoming trip so we can't leave it here."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s a hint to visit more. Families in other countries know that logistically there can’t be frequent visits. It’s not like American boomers who think it’s no big deal to drive for eight hours or book domestic flights frequently. She wants the items to use with or give to other family members which is culturally common. She thinks it would be easy for you to just pick up another one back in the US.

OP here with an update, It's kind of this, but with a bit of crazy twist.

Approximately 35 years ago, MIL was done having babies and stored her big baby items (stroller, crib, rocker) at her mother’s house. About ten years later (when MIL’s kids were elementary/tweens and she was well past having kids herself), her sister’s daughter had an unexpected teen pregnancy. MIL’s sister came to their mother’s house and “borrowed” my MIL’s baby crib and stroller for her 16-year-old daughter (they are poor, they really could not afford to buy these items). When MIL found out, she was angry that her sister had taken her baby things. The sister never gave the items back, claiming they broke (entirely likely—the items were 20 years old and had gone through several kids by the time her sister took them).

Fast forward to the future, the teen mom, now in her 40s, had a change-of-life baby about a year before we had our baby. When MIL found out we were expecting, MIL demanded that her niece give her the new crib and stroller that the niece bought for her change-of-life baby so MIL could use it for her grandkid/our kid. Her niece said no, but I’ll sell it to you for 100 dollars in six months when my kid isn’t using it anymore (original sales price 129 dollars).

MIL stewed over this a lot, and we told her it was fine, we have a pack n’ play and a stroller, no need to buy another.

Loooong story short, it appears that MIL wanted our baby things to start the cycle over, by having big ticket baby items that she can then have the pleasure of denying giving to her sister’s great-grandchildren (whenever they might show up). Even though her grandchild is literally still using those items, it doesn’t matter, MIL needs them for her revenge plot.

I know what you’re thinking, why didn’t MIL just buy some new items to withhold from her sister’s grandkids (she’s very well-off), but the answer is, MIL is as cheap as she is vindictive.

Anyway, I hope that helps answer the question of, why do you visit your MIL only once a year?

Did you ask straight out? How did you even get this info, and from who?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s a hint to visit more. Families in other countries know that logistically there can’t be frequent visits. It’s not like American boomers who think it’s no big deal to drive for eight hours or book domestic flights frequently. She wants the items to use with or give to other family members which is culturally common. She thinks it would be easy for you to just pick up another one back in the US.

OP here with an update, It's kind of this, but with a bit of crazy twist.

Approximately 35 years ago, MIL was done having babies and stored her big baby items (stroller, crib, rocker) at her mother’s house. About ten years later (when MIL’s kids were elementary/tweens and she was well past having kids herself), her sister’s daughter had an unexpected teen pregnancy. MIL’s sister came to their mother’s house and “borrowed” my MIL’s baby crib and stroller for her 16-year-old daughter (they are poor, they really could not afford to buy these items). When MIL found out, she was angry that her sister had taken her baby things. The sister never gave the items back, claiming they broke (entirely likely—the items were 20 years old and had gone through several kids by the time her sister took them).

Fast forward to the future, the teen mom, now in her 40s, had a change-of-life baby about a year before we had our baby. When MIL found out we were expecting, MIL demanded that her niece give her the new crib and stroller that the niece bought for her change-of-life baby so MIL could use it for her grandkid/our kid. Her niece said no, but I’ll sell it to you for 100 dollars in six months when my kid isn’t using it anymore (original sales price 129 dollars).

MIL stewed over this a lot, and we told her it was fine, we have a pack n’ play and a stroller, no need to buy another.

Loooong story short, it appears that MIL wanted our baby things to start the cycle over, by having big ticket baby items that she can then have the pleasure of denying giving to her sister’s great-grandchildren (whenever they might show up). Even though her grandchild is literally still using those items, it doesn’t matter, MIL needs them for her revenge plot.

I know what you’re thinking, why didn’t MIL just buy some new items to withhold from her sister’s grandkids (she’s very well-off), but the answer is, MIL is as cheap as she is vindictive.

Anyway, I hope that helps answer the question of, why do you visit your MIL only once a year?

Whatever, troll. Didn't like the responses you got then made up this asinine story. Or you were trolling from the start which is highly likely.