Good manners or unnecessary?

[Anonymous]

It's not a DMV thing. I've noticed the same thing elsewhere.

We teach our 9 and 6 year olds to say hello, thank you, goodbye, etc. and to make eye contact with adults in social situations. My 9 year old is also getting pretty good making small talk with adults, too. However, I wouldn't think much of it if young kids didn't do any of that when I came to their house or met them for the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the comments. It seems most people think of this as rude behavior and not something I should just shrug off as a cultural difference.

Makes me feel a bit disappointed in those friends and neighbors who aren't trying to instill good social skills at a young age.

My kids have level 1 autism. No one would know it to look at them or interact with them. Instead, they see them as rude or creepy because they don't have basic social skills despite being taught ad nauseum. If they had an obvious disability like Downs Syndrome , no one would be upset by their lack of social skills.
OP, I would invite you to focus on actual kindness versus politeness. The two are very different things. Politeness means expecting the social rules are followed at all times. Niceness means giving others the benefit of the doubt at all times.

In OP’s scenario the parent is around and should be reminding the child to greet the acquaintance. No excuse for the parent to be lax even if the child is autistic. My nephew is autistic and his parents always have him greet.

Not at all. After a certain age you must treat children with the same dignity and good manners you expect as a guest. That includes not correcting their behavior in front of guests. Manners goes for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the comments. It seems most people think of this as rude behavior and not something I should just shrug off as a cultural difference.

Makes me feel a bit disappointed in those friends and neighbors who aren't trying to instill good social skills at a young age.

My kids have level 1 autism. No one would know it to look at them or interact with them. Instead, they see them as rude or creepy because they don't have basic social skills despite being taught ad nauseum. If they had an obvious disability like Downs Syndrome , no one would be upset by their lack of social skills.
OP, I would invite you to focus on actual kindness versus politeness. The two are very different things. Politeness means expecting the social rules are followed at all times. Niceness means giving others the benefit of the doubt at all times.

In OP’s scenario the parent is around and should be reminding the child to greet the acquaintance. No excuse for the parent to be lax even if the child is autistic. My nephew is autistic and his parents always have him greet.

Reminding/ gently nudging is not the same as correcting.
Not at all. After a certain age you must treat children with the same dignity and good manners you expect as a guest. That includes not correcting their behavior in front of guests. Manners goes for all.

[Anonymous]

This is an introvert vs extrovert thing. As an introvert, it would have given me anxiety to have to talk to all of my parents friends all the time. Kids homes are supposed to be their safe space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an introvert vs extrovert thing. As an introvert, it would have given me anxiety to have to talk to all of my parents friends all the time. Kids homes are supposed to be their safe space.

But making eye contact and saying hello is the basic minimum politeness.

[Anonymous]

Introverts don't get a free pass on good manners and treating other people like they matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Introverts don't get a free pass on good manners and treating other people like they matter.

If you thought other people mattered, you'd respect that introversion don't feel comfortable making eye contact. What you really meant to say was "people should act in a way that makes ME feel good, no matter how it makes them feel."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Introverts don't get a free pass on good manners and treating other people like they matter.

If you thought other people mattered, you'd respect that introversion don't feel comfortable making eye contact. What you really meant to say was "people should act in a way that makes ME feel good, no matter how it makes them feel."

No excise bjitch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Introverts don't get a free pass on good manners and treating other people like they matter.

If you thought other people mattered, you'd respect that introversion don't feel comfortable making eye contact. What you really meant to say was "people should act in a way that makes ME feel good, no matter how it makes them feel."

Introversion doesn’t mean you can’t make eye contact. It just means we get our energy from being alone or with our near and dear, rather than in a big crowd. I am an introvert and I am perfectly mannered. Please don’t confuse introversion with rudeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Introverts don't get a free pass on good manners and treating other people like they matter.

If you thought other people mattered, you'd respect that introversion don't feel comfortable making eye contact. What you really meant to say was "people should act in a way that makes ME feel good, no matter how it makes them feel."

Introversion doesn’t mean you can’t make eye contact. It just means we get our energy from being alone or with our near and dear, rather than in a big crowd. I am an introvert and I am perfectly mannered. Please don’t confuse introversion with rudeness.

Same here. Im introverted but have no issue with eye contact or polite greetings and small talk, even though l don’t like to do it for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Score 1 for social skills groups! My ASD child says hello and shakes adults hands when he meets them. It has thrown more than one of my friends for a loop. Most have commented that it was unexpected behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm from a working-class, white, Irish American family. Honestly, if I invite a friend to come over I don't expect my kid to chat with them unless we are all having a meal or doing an activity together. If my friend and I are sitting in the backyard having iced tea, I'm fine with my kid continuing to do their own thing. I don't like hugging friends and neither does my child. I think other ways of interacting are lovely, but that's not us.

Agree with this.

It is your friend, not theirs. If they walk by, then yes, they should greet your friend politely. But I don’t think the kid needs to stop what they are doing, seek out mom’s friend to come and say hi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Introverts don't get a free pass on good manners and treating other people like they matter.

If you thought other people mattered, you'd respect that introversion don't feel comfortable making eye contact. What you really meant to say was "people should act in a way that makes ME feel good, no matter how it makes them feel."

No excise bjitch

*you* are commenting on the manners of others?! LoL

[Anonymous]

I guess my kids are painfully shy because they will come up to guests but very quietly say hello and struggle to look them in the eye. My son in particular seems to be really unnerved by these interactions and we are actually very social.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess my kids are painfully shy because they will come up to guests but very quietly say hello and struggle to look them in the eye. My son in particular seems to be really unnerved by these interactions and we are actually very social.

He may have social anxiety. As you can see by the ablist jerks on this board, he has a rough road ahead