Good manners or unnecessary?

[Anonymous]

I was raised in a middle class Hispanic household in California. Parents owned a small local business. My siblings and I were raised to say hello, make eye contact, and either hug or shake hands with anybody who came over to our house. If they were chatting in the living room or kitchen with my parents, we never just walked by and didn't acknowledge the elderly lady from next door who came by to ask about something or our aunts and uncles who stopped over to say hi or drop something off. I have raised my DCs who are growing up here in DC the same way. I'd be embarrassed if they didn't show what I consider to be baseline good manners in that situation. However, I've noticed that there are families here where the kids don't even acknowledge my presence when I am in their house. They often have earphones on and don't seem to be interacting with anybody who is home, much less me as a visitor. Is this a cultural/racial thing? Is it an upper class thing? Do I just have friends with rude children? These same kids behave this way even if we run into them at a local grocery store or a store when they're out with their parents. They know to say hello when they come to our house to borrow something or try to sell us something for a fundraiser, so they aren't clueless in all situations.

[Anonymous]

Lots of rude people out there, OP. Most people aren't taught manners, so they don't even know to teach them to their kids.

But the young adults who do have basic manners will do better with job hiring (barring a much demand skill) than the rude one who is an equal candidate.

[Anonymous]

It’s just a rude DC thing. I think hugs and handshakes are maybe more culturally appropriate to your upbringing. Acknowledging guests in a home with a smile and brief hello and 1 minute conversation is just good manners and standard American culture. DC is a bit of a bubble from the rest of the USA so it’s probably more a DC thing than a your Hispanic American culture is so much different than standard American culture. I don’t really know how to say it, hope you get what I mean.

[Anonymous]

ETA: I don’t require my kids to hug, but I require eye contact, initiating a greeting/short convo, and politely responding to questions.

[Anonymous]

I get what you're saying, but I say hello to the kids when I'm at someone's house as opposed to waiting for them to greet me. Sitting there awaiting a greeting seems awkward to me.

I definitely always make my kid take off his headphones and put down his device before guests arrive, even if it's my friend or someone he doesn't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ETA: I don’t require my kids to hug, but I require eye contact, initiating a greeting/short convo, and politely responding to questions.

This. We don’t force hugs but you greet guests. Similarly when you are a guest you greet your adult host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ETA: I don’t require my kids to hug, but I require eye contact, initiating a greeting/short convo, and politely responding to questions.

This. We don’t force hugs but you greet guests. Similarly when you are a guest you greet your adult host.

The hug isn't forced, it's an option. That part is a West Coast thing.

[Anonymous]

Agree with you, OP, it is rude. I even nudge my 2yo to say hi to everyone, particularly adults. (Fwiw, I am white.)

[Anonymous]

I have wondered this myself. We are Hispanic and I was raised here in the DMV as are my kids. I was also raised to always greet and look people in the eye and saw my kids.

It’s a mixed bag with my other friends, some who were raised here in the DMV and many who are transplants. The kids will not greet an adult, they will not look at their eyes and are generally rude. The families who do greet are mixed black/white, Asian and other Hispanic families.

[Anonymous]

I’m Asian American in DC and have seen this with kids and parents of all backgrounds. I think it’s the current aloof culture of social media, screens, headphones, pandemic isolation, social anxiety and general entitlement. Prepandemic I also saw it in millennial and gen z coworkers who would freak out if you approached their cubicle to ask them a question face to face. Again, not all, but many were like this. It is frigid and off putting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m Asian American in DC and have seen this with kids and parents of all backgrounds. I think it’s the current aloof culture of social media, screens, headphones, pandemic isolation, social anxiety and general entitlement. Prepandemic I also saw it in millennial and gen z coworkers who would freak out if you approached their cubicle to ask them a question face to face. Again, not all, but many were like this. It is frigid and off putting.

+1000

[Anonymous]

I'm from a working-class, white, Irish American family. Honestly, if I invite a friend to come over I don't expect my kid to chat with them unless we are all having a meal or doing an activity together. If my friend and I are sitting in the backyard having iced tea, I'm fine with my kid continuing to do their own thing. I don't like hugging friends and neither does my child. I think other ways of interacting are lovely, but that's not us.

[Anonymous]

It's rude but having been in Latin American areas much ruder there. Kids in mexico where I lived for years are much more polite in this way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm from a working-class, white, Irish American family. Honestly, if I invite a friend to come over I don't expect my kid to chat with them unless we are all having a meal or doing an activity together. If my friend and I are sitting in the backyard having iced tea, I'm fine with my kid continuing to do their own thing. I don't like hugging friends and neither does my child. I think other ways of interacting are lovely, but that's not us.

OP is talking about making eye contact and acknowledging someone's presence. I think the hugs are meant for relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with you, OP, it is rude. I even nudge my 2yo to say hi to everyone, particularly adults. (Fwiw, I am white.)

Same. I won’t force kisses/hugs but they’re definitely required to acknowledge guests! This is also how I was raised by my white patents. I was allowed to read a book while we had adult guests but I had to at least put it down and say hi first.