Celebration of life ceremony being held out of state

[Anonymous]

OP, you clearly don't want to go to the celebration and have no plans to attend, so you might as well end this thread. You won't get DCUM's permission, because there really is no excuse not to go. But it's certainly your choice. Live with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you clearly don't want to go to the celebration and have no plans to attend, so you might as well end this thread. You won't get DCUM's permission, because there really is no excuse not to go. But it's certainly your choice. Live with it.

+1 What in the world is “daunting”, OP? A 7 hour drive and the cost of a rental for 2 days seems very little to deal with given the circumstances. Of course you should be there.

[Anonymous]

Why are there two ceremonies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are there two ceremonies?

My dad isn’t even dead yet and some of my family members that have vacation homes in another state are holding a half-hour celebration of life ceremony.
This feels like we are digging the grave a bit too early.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a friend that can drive with you to help with the baby or help you drive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a friend that can drive with you to help with the baby or help you drive?

Apparently only nine people will be in attendance for a half hour. Everyone else is logging in via zoom.

I am planning the funeral here in MD where there will be many more people in attendance.

[Anonymous]

The only question is whether your dad will be at the celebration of life and if he will know if you are there.

I traveled 400 miles for a celebration of life for terminal cancer friend. He was there and full capacity. It was incredible. I didn’t go to funeral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, could you see your father now, before he dies and then attend the funeral? And Zoom the celebration if that's available?

Yes, I saw my dad this past weekend and plan to see him again on Saturday.

I am planning the local funeral and writing his obituary as well. I am planning to say the eulogy.

Getting up there for a one hour service seems very daunting to me. The family members who are already up there do not plan to attend the funeral.

Are these family members the children of your father? It’s a 7-hour drive, right? What is daunting about this?

Op said in the post they are her mom’s sisters.

[Anonymous]

OP, I guess I'm having trouble understanding how a 1/2 hour ceremony is a "celebration of life". That's just a memorial service. A celebration of life is more of a party where you meet with friends and relatives of the deceased and fondly talk about memories. It's a way to honor the deceased in a way that is life-affirming and uplifting rather than somber. If this was a true celebration, I would find a way to be there. But a 1/2 hour ceremony sounds like an in-person memorial for those who are unable to attend the funeral. Does your mother have an opinion? The only reason I would travel for this is if she REALLY needs the support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I guess I'm having trouble understanding how a 1/2 hour ceremony is a "celebration of life". That's just a memorial service. A celebration of life is more of a party where you meet with friends and relatives of the deceased and fondly talk about memories. It's a way to honor the deceased in a way that is life-affirming and uplifting rather than somber. If this was a true celebration, I would find a way to be there. But a 1/2 hour ceremony sounds like an in-person memorial for those who are unable to attend the funeral. Does your mother have an opinion? The only reason I would travel for this is if she REALLY needs the support.

Yeah, I think the term celebration of life was misused. This is a gathering of 9 people in person with a local minister to honor my
Dad.

People are not traveling far and wide to be at this vacation spot in two weeks for this gathering.

And my dad is still alive. He’s not dead yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I guess I'm having trouble understanding how a 1/2 hour ceremony is a "celebration of life". That's just a memorial service. A celebration of life is more of a party where you meet with friends and relatives of the deceased and fondly talk about memories. It's a way to honor the deceased in a way that is life-affirming and uplifting rather than somber. If this was a true celebration, I would find a way to be there. But a 1/2 hour ceremony sounds like an in-person memorial for those who are unable to attend the funeral. Does your mother have an opinion? The only reason I would travel for this is if she REALLY needs the support.

Yeah, I think the term celebration of life was misused. This is a gathering of 9 people in person with a local minister to honor my
Dad.

People are not traveling far and wide to be at this vacation spot in two weeks for this gathering.

And my dad is still alive. He’s not dead yet.

Honestly, I think this 2nd memorial service is kind of weird, especially considering that he hasn't passed yet. I know that these things typically follow a timeline, but everyone is different, and you can't predict how long someone will hang on. But if your mom needs this sort of ceremony and wants to be surrounded by her siblings, then she should go ahead and do it. The more you describe it, the less I think you need to go. It sounds like it is a convenience for your out-of-town relatives.

[Anonymous]

It's ok if you don't go to this event. In your OP you seemed mainly hurt about being left out. But your follow ups suggest it's a rather different type of ceremony that you don't feel comfortable with and one which won't be well attended. That's what's most confusing to me.

My dad passed away when I had an infant and no child care (still on waitlist for daycare). My primary concern was how to support my mom, within reason. I was hardly sleeping during the weeks leading up to my dad's passing, due to the baby and the anticipatory grief. I would be in no shape to drive 7 hours anywhere. so give yourself a pass. Do what you can but don't feel that you have to attend every single event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's ok if you don't go to this event. In your OP you seemed mainly hurt about being left out. But your follow ups suggest it's a rather different type of ceremony that you don't feel comfortable with and one which won't be well attended. That's what's most confusing to me.

My dad passed away when I had an infant and no child care (still on waitlist for daycare). My primary concern was how to support my mom, within reason. I was hardly sleeping during the weeks leading up to my dad's passing, due to the baby and the anticipatory grief. I would be in no shape to drive 7 hours anywhere. so give yourself a pass. Do what you can but don't feel that you have to attend every single event.

Thank you for this. I agree that it is odd that we are holding this and my dad is still alive.

I do think it’s being held for the convenience of family members who have second homes in this vacation spot and do not plan to leave their vacation to come
down for a funeral.

[Anonymous]

I would be stressed and annoyed too but I can almost guarantee you will not regret going and bringing the baby. The baby will remind everyone of new life/the circle of life. Hospitals used to have newborns on display so dying people and their families could go look at them.

It's ok to feel sorry for yourself. You're a human. Your dad is dying and you have to make a trip with a baby with no help.