What was going on in my mom’s head during this interaction?

[Anonymous]

she’s a narcissist. I have one too.

[Anonymous]

Ok. Hear me out. I am a mom of teen kids, not a grandma. And our rule has always been that items from touristy gift stores need to reflect the place/trip somehow Not necessarily with a name on it, but with the "flavor" of the place. Otherwise, we could have just bought it at an anonymous toy store anywhere.

So I get it.

THAT SAID. The fact she fixated on it and let it ruin her day and everyone else's mood is bad. Grandma should have just let it go.

[Anonymous]

This is totally my mom and the grandma show is spot on. My mom would probably ruminate for days and imply that she was 'hurt' that DD chose not to remember the wonderful trip that she took her on, etc, etc and would need multiple forms of reassurance that DD loved it, loved her, we all love her appreciate her, etc, etc. In fact, I'd say about 30-40% of my interactions with my mother have this quality. It is everyone's job to talk her off the ledge. Then we'd think it would be forgotten and a few weeks later, she'd bring it up. Today I had to explain to her that the reason my kids were not hanging out with her and asking her questions is because she has COVID and I'm trying to keep her quarantined but she's not really following the plan so I told my kids to stay away from her. I explained all this to her and yet she still insists that "they seem to have no interest in talking to me." Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mother is the star and writer of The Grandma Show. On this episode, the family went on a child-centric vacation (was it gatorland? for some reason, i'm picturing this happening at gatorland). Everyone was having a good time but Grandma, because people weren't paying enough attention to her.

But Grandma is the star of the show, so she got to work making herself the center of attention. She cast herself in the role of Generous Granny, buying her granddaughter any souvenir she wanted.

But alas! Granddaughter picked the wrong souvenir! A gator charm for her crocs instead of a gator keychain?? Poor Grandma. Such a generous soul and so poorly treated by the granddaughter who had the gall to pick something she liked.

"She'll never remember me and the wonderful time we had watching chickens get fed to gators! when she looks at her shoes she will only think of merrily zooming down the Gator zipline!" Grandma exclaims, crying crocodile tears.

Everyone anxiously reassures Grandma they love her. Grandma turns to look out dreamily towards the camera, happy that all eyes are on her (for now)...

You are seriously amazing! Yes, please do the other threads!

Gosh, you guys. Don't egg her on. She's got a lot of screws loose and it is annoying AF to see her ageism repeated on every.single.thread. Encourage her to get therapy, instead! That would be much better for her and all of us, too.

Nope. Yours is a minority opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We recently visited a touristy area with my mom. At the end of the trip, my mom asked to take my DD to a big tourist shop to pick out something she wanted “to remember the time she spent with grandma on the trip”. DD had her eyes set on these cheap little things that you pop onto Crocs, themed to the general location of where we were. She decided she really wanted one as her souvenir. My mom was hoping she’d pick out a keychain or tshirt from the location, and was hurt? upset? annoyed? that DD didn’t choose something with the location name on it that would make DD “think of her and the trip” when she wore/looked at it. DD was confused because she WOULD think of grandma when she looked at her Crocs. It was a really bizarre interaction. I didn’t want to start a fight (because knowing my mom, it would have) but I wanted to ask why she didn’t just surprise DD with the T-shirt or whatever she had in mind instead of allowing her to choose and then gripe about what she chose.

What was going on here? I’d love to understand what was going through my mom’s head.

I’m calling shenanigans on the bolded. It was a bit of a loophole (not really in the spirit of a typical souvenir and probably something she collects unrelated to travel). My DD would have done the same thing if given the same opportunity to pick something out of a gift shop. And when I was a kid I would have too (whatever generic plastic junk I was gaga for at the time anyway). This doesn’t excuse your mom’s pouting, or her failure to set the rules she clearly had in her head about a “correct” souvenir, but I can see the disconnect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently visited a touristy area with my mom. At the end of the trip, my mom asked to take my DD to a big tourist shop to pick out something she wanted “to remember the time she spent with grandma on the trip”. DD had her eyes set on these cheap little things that you pop onto Crocs, themed to the general location of where we were. She decided she really wanted one as her souvenir. My mom was hoping she’d pick out a keychain or tshirt from the location, and was hurt? upset? annoyed? that DD didn’t choose something with the location name on it that would make DD “think of her and the trip” when she wore/looked at it. DD was confused because she WOULD think of grandma when she looked at her Crocs. It was a really bizarre interaction. I didn’t want to start a fight (because knowing my mom, it would have) but I wanted to ask why she didn’t just surprise DD with the T-shirt or whatever she had in mind instead of allowing her to choose and then gripe about what she chose.

What was going on here? I’d love to understand what was going through my mom’s head.

I’m calling shenanigans on the bolded. It was a bit of a loophole (not really in the spirit of a typical souvenir and probably something she collects unrelated to travel). My DD would have done the same thing if given the same opportunity to pick something out of a gift shop. And when I was a kid I would have too (whatever generic plastic junk I was gaga for at the time anyway). This doesn’t excuse your mom’s pouting, or her failure to set the rules she clearly had in her head about a “correct” souvenir, but I can see the disconnect.

What? No dude. I can remember my trips and the people we were with from any type of object. It doesn't have to say WILLIAMSBURG on it. Not everyone likes "typical" souvenirs- I think they are tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mother is the star and writer of The Grandma Show. On this episode, the family went on a child-centric vacation (was it gatorland? for some reason, i'm picturing this happening at gatorland). Everyone was having a good time but Grandma, because people weren't paying enough attention to her.

But Grandma is the star of the show, so she got to work making herself the center of attention. She cast herself in the role of Generous Granny, buying her granddaughter any souvenir she wanted.

But alas! Granddaughter picked the wrong souvenir! A gator charm for her crocs instead of a gator keychain?? Poor Grandma. Such a generous soul and so poorly treated by the granddaughter who had the gall to pick something she liked.

"She'll never remember me and the wonderful time we had watching chickens get fed to gators! when she looks at her shoes she will only think of merrily zooming down the Gator zipline!" Grandma exclaims, crying crocodile tears.

Everyone anxiously reassures Grandma they love her. Grandma turns to look out dreamily towards the camera, happy that all eyes are on her (for now)...

Hilarious

[Anonymous]

This was my Grandmother who had strong Narcissist tendencies. She got an idea in her head about how things were "supposed" to be and no one else was allowed to have an opinion- esp children. I was very sensitive and I picked up on this- so I would have picked out something she wanted me to get vs what I really wanted. She was scary to me and I knew stuff like that would set her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently visited a touristy area with my mom. At the end of the trip, my mom asked to take my DD to a big tourist shop to pick out something she wanted “to remember the time she spent with grandma on the trip”. DD had her eyes set on these cheap little things that you pop onto Crocs, themed to the general location of where we were. She decided she really wanted one as her souvenir. My mom was hoping she’d pick out a keychain or tshirt from the location, and was hurt? upset? annoyed? that DD didn’t choose something with the location name on it that would make DD “think of her and the trip” when she wore/looked at it. DD was confused because she WOULD think of grandma when she looked at her Crocs. It was a really bizarre interaction. I didn’t want to start a fight (because knowing my mom, it would have) but I wanted to ask why she didn’t just surprise DD with the T-shirt or whatever she had in mind instead of allowing her to choose and then gripe about what she chose.

What was going on here? I’d love to understand what was going through my mom’s head.

I’m calling shenanigans on the bolded. It was a bit of a loophole (not really in the spirit of a typical souvenir and probably something she collects unrelated to travel). My DD would have done the same thing if given the same opportunity to pick something out of a gift shop. And when I was a kid I would have too (whatever generic plastic junk I was gaga for at the time anyway). This doesn’t excuse your mom’s pouting, or her failure to set the rules she clearly had in her head about a “correct” souvenir, but I can see the disconnect.

What? No dude. I can remember my trips and the people we were with from any type of object. It doesn't have to say WILLIAMSBURG on it. Not everyone likes "typical" souvenirs- I think they are tacky.

Be that as it may, croc charms are exactly the kind of forgettable garbage that kids crave and forget. (And they are, of course, horribly tacky, not that that’s relevant.)

[Anonymous]

NPD

[Anonymous]

Your mom is thinking about when she dies and being remembered l.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was my Grandmother who had strong Narcissist tendencies. She got an idea in her head about how things were "supposed" to be and no one else was allowed to have an opinion- esp children. I was very sensitive and I picked up on this- so I would have picked out something she wanted me to get vs what I really wanted. She was scary to me and I knew stuff like that would set her off.

Yes yes yes.

Except this is my mom, not my grandmother.

So glad to have DCUM here to validate my feelings about my narcissistic mother.

[Anonymous]

This is my mom too, but she wouldn’t be upset, just perplexed and not able to let go. She’s very rigid in what she thinks is supposed to happen. If something is out of the ordinary she will fixate on it (outloud, which is the worst part). she’ll just wonder about things out loud, when NO ONE HAS ASKED.

[Anonymous]

Anxious and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Rigidity is a trait that everyone naturally possesses more or less of, and if you are rigid, it takes real work and mental rewiring to go against your natural level. Pretty much everyone gets more rigid with age, which comes with a decline in the ability to flex your neurons to work on it.