Why do rich people pretend to act like they are not rich?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you know your friends have a net worth of $8M+ suggests that either you are nosy or they are oversharing.

This. Unless its public record how many shares they own in a public company.

My inlaws are worth $20M. And trust me you would never know with their old hondas an their coupons and their jean shorts and fashion from the 80's.

That's lower rich class hardly anything

[Anonymous]

Because of lifestyle creep. And because I’m surrounded by people who are wealthier.

[Anonymous]

Because we still have all our same friends and family from before we were rich and we’d like to keep them. If we show off, that would probably be annoying to them. So we do things we can all do together. BBQs, picnics in the park, low key stuff we all enjoy. We do treat on some vacations, like rent a big beach house for all of us that’s beyond what they could afford.

We’re new to a middle class neighborhood. If you Google DH and me and click on the property records result, you’ll see our last home cost like 4x this one. So it’s possible our neighbors know, but we feel comfortable here and aren’t going act in ways that will alienate our new community.

[Anonymous]

That’s why they are rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a middle line to walk.

Don't be showy or ostentatious, but lying and acting like you are broke or not acknowledging your privilege can be obnoxious.

I went to a big three and a lot of my classmates who had parents who worked in government etc would act like they were poor just because their dads weren't law firm partners. They just seemed incredibly out of touch. This was back in the 90s, when a government lawyer married to a teacher or SAHM could afford to live in NW DC.
And I now know some of them had family wealth anyway, so that makes it even more out of touch.

+1. “Rich” is so relative but, among average Americans, 8million dollars is a lot to have, especially in your early 30s. It comes off as disingenuous to talk about “rich people” as though you are not in this category.

Fine not to live extravagantly but pretending you are “middle class” when you aren’t is out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents do this because they think it comes off as polite or humble or something but it makes them sound wildly out of touch and ignorant of their immense privilege.

YES. I know these types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Safety for myself and my family.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Safety for myself and my family.

What exactly do you need to be protected from? Everyone knows we have money--we don't talk about it, but we don't downplay it. We save extensively, but I am not interested in living like austerely if I don't have to, so our things and lifestyle give us away. And our generosity. I do not worry about my safety.

New to the world?

[Anonymous]

Huh? Way more poor/middle class people pretend to be rich than the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Behaving like you are not rich has proven to be a quite successful method of actually becoming and staying rich. It's been my experience that many of those who seem rich (expensive houses, expensive cars, expensive vacations) are drowning in debt but trying hard to impress others.

[Anonymous]

They want the benefits of being rich without the downsides. That’s it. They know people often resent or are suspicious of rich people, so they lie to avoid that.

[Anonymous]

We're worth right around $8 million and are early retired. We talk trash about the truly rich all the time! Sure, our net worth affords a comfortable and easy lifestyle, but it hardly allows us to be showy and ostentatious. Family and friends know that we're "rich," I guess (it's kinda hard to pretend we're not when we're not working), but it's not anything anybody talks about or wants to talk about. So I'm not sure what OP expects of people in our position.

As an aside, I always laugh when posters throw around the "net worth" of other people. How can posters possibly know that? Most people don't even know what their own net worth is, then again the net worth of others. Especially for "rich" people, it's not always straightforward to calculate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They want the benefits of being rich without the downsides. That’s it. They know people often resent or are suspicious of rich people, so they lie to avoid that.

I mean, we all want the benefits of things without the downsides. Avoiding downsides is a pretty basic survival mechanism. Also, how often are you in a position to lie about your wealth? Is lying to buy a Honda when you could afford an Audi? Or to shop at Walmart instead of Whole Foods? Or to buy a $500k house when you can afford a $4m one? Nobody is obligated to spend more just because they can, or to spend it on things you can see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Behaving like you are not rich has proven to be a quite successful method of actually becoming and staying rich. It's been my experience that many of those who seem rich (expensive houses, expensive cars, expensive vacations) are drowning in debt but trying hard to impress others.

This! When I was in college, I worked PT at a fancy department store selling high-end cosmetics and fragrances. It was always the rich-looking, snobbish customer whose credit card was declined. People who looked like they couldn’t afford to shop there routinely pulled out fat wads of cash to pay for their purchases. I quickly learned not to judge a book by its cover. Some people spend a ton of money trying to look like they have money, and those with real money don’t want to be noticed.

[Anonymous]

If they acted rich, then they wouldn’t be rich.