Shocking divorices?

[Anonymous]

NP with a question. I’m in my late 30s, as are most of my friends and we’ve all been married between 5-10 years. None of us have divorced and no affairs that I’m aware of. When does the wave of affairs and divorces tend to start?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s no suck thing as a “shocking” divorce when literally half of marriages in this country fail.

That’s like saying you experienced a “shocking” loss of the $100 bill you put into a slot machine.

Your comparison completely lost me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP with a question. I’m in my late 30s, as are most of my friends and we’ve all been married between 5-10 years. None of us have divorced and no affairs that I’m aware of. When does the wave of affairs and divorces tend to start?

When kids are older.

Mid 40s is the first, by 50s you will see a lot more.

I'm 52 and just found out about 3. Prior to that, I did not know a single one at school, sports teams, neighbors, friends.

It seems a lot happen as kids start leaving the nest or get self-sufficient (middle school/high school).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, most divorced couples I know had lots of issues prior to divorce. However I’ve been surprised to learn when friends tell me they were previously married. I don’t find out until many years of knowing them and they seem to have strong marriages.

Why are you surprised? Got brainwashed into thinking that there are only two kinds of people, those that divorce and those that don't?

I have a pretty good marriage, but it's my second one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP with a question. I’m in my late 30s, as are most of my friends and we’ve all been married between 5-10 years. None of us have divorced and no affairs that I’m aware of. When does the wave of affairs and divorces tend to start?

Sometimes it doesn't. I am 49, and most of my friends are about that age, married in late 20s/ early 30s. There were just a handful of divorces in our 20s (all of those people remarried and are going strong for 10+ years), none in our 30s-40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP with a question. I’m in my late 30s, as are most of my friends and we’ve all been married between 5-10 years. None of us have divorced and no affairs that I’m aware of. When does the wave of affairs and divorces tend to start?

give it 10 years. I knew of no divorces at your age and now about a third of my friends are divorcing.

Once the little kids get older, couples either emerge stronger together or totally distant. I posted in another thread but my 10 and 13 year old are off to summer camp and my wife and I have nothing to talk about, no intimacy, no sex. Probably stay together because we get along, for now.

Oh, and she loooooves posting on Facebook about how much she loves her DH. It's a facade.

[Anonymous]

yes, best man of dh, got together in college and did marry before graduation, very strong relationship, similar interests and hobbies, two peas in a pod, he got an affair at work, no kids so at least that

[Anonymous]

We were friends with both the DH and DW in a couple. Two kids and about 15 years into their marriage, the guy suddenly left wife and kids for the mistress he'd kept for several years (we think) in the city where he spent four days a week working. Mistress had gotten pregnant and I guess gave him an ultimatum so he picked her and their baby over his wife and kids, who had done nothing but support his dreams. Totally blindsided the DW as far as we know, and certainly blindsided everyone who knew them.

The DW and kids are doing fine now, but no idea if the guy stayed with his new wife because frankly, we dropped him instantly when we found out what he'd done. Yeah, we chose sides big time, without any nonsense about trying to be "fair" or whatever. The only thing to his credit is that he never tried to explain himself to us or other friends, or excuse his behavior. Of course he didn't have a chance because we would not have spoken to him anyway.

A different friend (no kids) split with her husband and he phoned all her close friends to cry and make out that he was sooooo sad and only wished good things for her, blah blah. He was trying to stroke his own ego and probably maneuver some of her friends into talking him up to his wife. One of the strangest phone calls I've ever had. She wasn't leaving because of cheating or abuse but because he was perfect on paper (a successful MD, charming, well-off, etc.) but was manipulative and seemed to have a LOT of secrets dribbling out once he got her to marry him. And he sure seemed manipulative with the tearful phone calls to her friends. And by the way--I had met him ONCE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were friends with both the DH and DW in a couple. Two kids and about 15 years into their marriage, the guy suddenly left wife and kids for the mistress he'd kept for several years (we think) in the city where he spent four days a week working. Mistress had gotten pregnant and I guess gave him an ultimatum so he picked her and their baby over his wife and kids, who had done nothing but support his dreams. Totally blindsided the DW as far as we know, and certainly blindsided everyone who knew them.

The DW and kids are doing fine now, but no idea if the guy stayed with his new wife because frankly, we dropped him instantly when we found out what he'd done. Yeah, we chose sides big time, without any nonsense about trying to be "fair" or whatever. The only thing to his credit is that he never tried to explain himself to us or other friends, or excuse his behavior. Of course he didn't have a chance because we would not have spoken to him anyway.

A different friend (no kids) split with her husband and he phoned all her close friends to cry and make out that he was sooooo sad and only wished good things for her, blah blah. He was trying to stroke his own ego and probably maneuver some of her friends into talking him up to his wife. One of the strangest phone calls I've ever had. She wasn't leaving because of cheating or abuse but because he was perfect on paper (a successful MD, charming, well-off, etc.) but was manipulative and seemed to have a LOT of secrets dribbling out once he got her to marry him. And he sure seemed manipulative with the tearful phone calls to her friends. And by the way--I had met him ONCE.

Wow my DH (we’re separated now) did this and it made me so furious. My story is that he is an emotional neanderthal and I’m tired of feeling lonely in my marriage. I wonder if that’s what happened to that woman.