Can you create a bad or good sleeper?

[Anonymous]

I have three kids who sleep well and always have. DH and I were also those crazy people who started moving our babies onto sleep schedules basically day 1. Not CIO day 1 or anything but starting a schedule day 1 and moving towards it every day. I think we had a weird benefit (it was not in any other way a benefit) in that our first DD was in the nicu for two weeks. And in the nicu those babies are put on the clock mostly for health reasons. They need to sleep to grow so she was on a three hour schedule. Eat, sleep, change, every three hours on the dot. So we got a baby home that on a rigid schedule and we adhered to it.

We did the same thing for our next two kids (and definitely we gently moved towards this there was no CIO at all really. But everything we did moved towards a schedule and self soothing. I would always wait just a minute before responding, I would always try to hold back a feed for a little while if it was early by holding the baby or rocking, we never let them skip a nap or start the day at 5am (DD liked to try to wake up really early and I would just sit in the dark room with her emphasizing sleep until at least 6:30).

Anyway, people tell me we got lucky, and I think we did, they are all solid sleepers, but I also think a lot of people thought we were psycho sleep people and those people also like to tell me how lucky I am. And im like, I think those are contradicting thoughts!

[Anonymous]

First baby - preemie, awful sleeper due to GERD. Did ferber at 9 months, NEVER coslept. Took 3 nights, is now 6 and has been a fantastic sleeper since.

DD2 is a fantastic sleeper from go but i wasted no time getting her on a schedule. No naps longer than 90 mins, no naps after 630pm, only in crib (after 7 weeks). She started naturally sleeping 10 hour stretches at 9 weeks old, is now 6 months doing 11/12 hours. Happy and content baby.

Its your job as a parent or you’ll be sleep deprived for years

[Anonymous]

Like all things, some is nature, some is nurture. I do think nurture (parenting style) has a bigger influence than many moms on DCUM believe. I am like your friend and my kid is a good sleeper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you created a bad sleeper. Some kids are just terrible sleepers, but majority of them can be trained. You have created a sleep crutch for your child with constant holding and co-sleeping. He will never sleep on his own if you never let him CIO or use any form of sleep training. You’re creating the problem.

This.

Anecdotally, every mom I know with bad sleepers does things that aren’t good for encouraging sleep. For example, running in the baby’s room at every peep, refusing to sleep train, and not getting their baby on a schedule.

If you’re not sleeping training and you hold your baby for naps then that’s why your kid doesn’t sleep.

+1. Same here. However I know one family in particular who doesn't believe in sleep training and routinely let's their 3 yo "crash" in the living room at midnight or 1 am. Its now apparent the kid also has special needs so I occasionally ponder (and I'm not meaning this to be mean..) if the sleep issue is a symptom of the underlying special needs or the kid has special needs caused by perpetual sleep deprivation, which I assume can't be good for optimal development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you created a bad sleeper. Some kids are just terrible sleepers, but majority of them can be trained. You have created a sleep crutch for your child with constant holding and co-sleeping. He will never sleep on his own if you never let him CIO or use any form of sleep training. You’re creating the problem.

This.

Anecdotally, every mom I know with bad sleepers does things that aren’t good for encouraging sleep. For example, running in the baby’s room at every peep, refusing to sleep train, and not getting their baby on a schedule.

If you’re not sleeping training and you hold your baby for naps then that’s why your kid doesn’t sleep.

+1. Same here. However I know one family in particular who doesn't believe in sleep training and routinely let's their 3 yo "crash" in the living room at midnight or 1 am. Its now apparent the kid also has special needs so I occasionally ponder (and I'm not meaning this to be mean..) if the sleep issue is a symptom of the underlying special needs or the kid has special needs caused by perpetual sleep deprivation, which I assume can't be good for optimal development.

Yes, same. I also know a few parents who don’t sleep train because their child has some sort of illness or disability. However, I’m not convinced that they need to sleep train even more. I can’t imagine that the child being ill AND not getting sleep is optimal. It’s like the illness prevents the parents from setting any boundaries, including with sleep. It’s a sad situation really.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the haters, OP.

We didn’t do CIO and both of my kids are excellent sleepers.

That said, we did develop a nighttime routine early on and sticking with that helps our kids calmly get to bed at a reasonable time. Head up early, long bath/shower, reading, snuggles. It’s a special time for us. Eldest child now handles most of it on his own now and just gets a quick snuggle/hug.

[Anonymous]

The vast majority can be trained, some easier than others. There is no denying this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an infant that had never been a good sleeper. We do not believe in CIO or any form of sleeping training - he’s held for all naps and we co-sleep often at night. My good friend has a baby the same age who is a really good sleeper. She is very pro sleep training and schedules. She doesn’t believe in co-sleeping and sleep trained at 4 months old. She had made remarks several times about how I need to sleep train and that me holding my baby for all naps is preventing him from self-soothing. I think some babies are just not good sleepers. Are some babies just better sleepers or can you do things to make a bad sleeper a good sleeper?

OMG. Is your DH a bad sleeper? If so, do you think that was caused by his mom holding him all the time for naps as an infant?

You need some perspective. Infancy is a year. Sleep habits change over a lifetime. If holding you baby gets you through the first year, do it. If it doesn't, don't. That's it. Stop worrying and listening to friends who are dumb.

[Anonymous]

Troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an infant that had never been a good sleeper. We do not believe in CIO or any form of sleeping training - he’s held for all naps and we co-sleep often at night. My good friend has a baby the same age who is a really good sleeper. She is very pro sleep training and schedules. She doesn’t believe in co-sleeping and sleep trained at 4 months old. She had made remarks several times about how I need to sleep train and that me holding my baby for all naps is preventing him from self-soothing. I think some babies are just not good sleepers. Are some babies just better sleepers or can you do things to make a bad sleeper a good sleeper?

OMG. Is your DH a bad sleeper? If so, do you think that was caused by his mom holding him all the time for naps as an infant?

You need some perspective. Infancy is a year. Sleep habits change over a lifetime. If holding you baby gets you through the first year, do it. If it doesn't, don't. That's it. Stop worrying and listening to friends who are dumb.

What in the world is this comparison? A baby who is a bad sleeper is a bad sleeper for longer than a year, but uh yeah no one here is talking about 35 year old grown men. The baby sleep training industry is a decades-old multimillion dollar industry with quite a bit of data to go off of at this point. If it was all gimmicks and woo woo it would not be the size it is. It turns bad sleepers to better sleepers. Does that mean you are a bad mom if you choose a different route? Of course not, but that wasn’t OP’s question.

[Anonymous]

OP you already have sleep trained your baby. Baby has been trained to sleep in your arms and next to you at night. I hope you never have to be separated fir a night as child will suffer. Break these habits now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you already have sleep trained your baby. Baby has been trained to sleep in your arms and next to you at night. I hope you never have to be separated fir a night as child will suffer. Break these habits now.

This. And don’t come here exhausted asking us how to sleep train a 2 year old. It’s way way harder then. Start now. (I know you won’t though.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you already have sleep trained your baby. Baby has been trained to sleep in your arms and next to you at night. I hope you never have to be separated fir a night as child will suffer. Break these habits now.

No. Babies don’t need to be trained to do this; it’s natural & normal. That’s why people have to work so hard to make their babies sleep alone without protesting. Op, do what works for you. If you aren’t happy, make a change. Cosleeping worked great for us.

[Anonymous]

Yes. As a parent you control a lot about how sleep develops, assuming your child is neurotypical and has no major health issues.

1) schedule — regular bedtime that aligns sleep pressure with circadian rhythm. Kids have a strong circadian rhythm, and if kept up too late on a regular basis will start to need melatonin to fall asleep. I can’t tell you how many people I met who are proud of their flexible sleepers who sleep anywhere! Anytime! Only to learn they keep their kids up til ridiculous hours, have them on adult schedules, and now medicate nightly with melatonin to regulate them. A good nap schedule to ensure adequate sleep pressure at bedtime is also important, there are lots of resources online now if you want to learn how to adjust this as they drop naps.
2) ramp down parental intervention at an appropriate age to allow your child to develop self-soothing skills. A parent-led sleep cue is not something you want your child to become dependent on, unless you want your sleep and theirs to be disrupted for several years. Most children are more than ready for you to withdraw parent-led sleep associations around age 6-7 months.
3) nutrition — adequate calorie intake during the day, make sure they get all their vitamins and minerals
4) no screens — blue light messes with melatonin production
5) exercise and outdoor time
Etc.

[Anonymous]

^^ adding 6) good sleep hygiene in the form of routines, darkened room, white noise…