What makes a golddigger anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Men can also be gold diggers, but thus usually happens later in life when divorce or other issues sucked up their $$$ and now they want a similarity aged woman who can provide health care for them (be their nurse) and the $ they got from ex or dead husband."

This is changing. With more women in the professions and making greater income, there are more male golddiggers cropping up.

I know a woman in a high-paying profession with her own home and plenty of assets.

She met a good-looking high-school drop out doofus who worked at a retail store. Within three weeks he was living with her and within a year they were married.

She knew exactly what she was doing. She was buying a good-looking man she could control completely with her purse strings. And she does.

Most of the male gold-digging that I have seen is from men who date and marry women with wealthy fathers. A few have even admitted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Men can also be gold diggers, but thus usually happens later in life when divorce or other issues sucked up their $$$ and now they want a similarity aged woman who can provide health care for them (be their nurse) and the $ they got from ex or dead husband."

This is changing. With more women in the professions and making greater income, there are more male golddiggers cropping up.

I know a woman in a high-paying profession with her own home and plenty of assets.

She met a good-looking high-school drop out doofus who worked at a retail store. Within three weeks he was living with her and within a year they were married.

She knew exactly what she was doing. She was buying a good-looking man she could control completely with her purse strings. And she does.

Most of the male gold-digging that I have seen is from men who date and marry women with wealthy fathers. A few have even admitted it.

Ooh! Good point. I forgot about that, but I've dated guys who admitted to me they would never get serious with any woman who didn't come from money. (Me!) This is definitely a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Most of the male gold-digging that I have seen is from men who date and marry women with wealthy fathers. A few have even admitted it.

Ooh! Good point. I forgot about that, but I've dated guys who admitted to me they would never get serious with any woman who didn't come from money. (Me!) This is definitely a thing.

But the question is, does he also come from money. "Has money and will only marry money" is not gold-digging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most of the male gold-digging that I have seen is from men who date and marry women with wealthy fathers. A few have even admitted it.

Ooh! Good point. I forgot about that, but I've dated guys who admitted to me they would never get serious with any woman who didn't come from money. (Me!) This is definitely a thing.

But the question is, does he also come from money. "Has money and will only marry money" is not gold-digging.

Kinda is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most of the male gold-digging that I have seen is from men who date and marry women with wealthy fathers. A few have even admitted it.

Ooh! Good point. I forgot about that, but I've dated guys who admitted to me they would never get serious with any woman who didn't come from money. (Me!) This is definitely a thing.

But the question is, does he also come from money. "Has money and will only marry money" is not gold-digging.

Kinda is

No, gold-digging is when you don't have money and you're trying to marry it. If you have money and you want to marry someone with an equal level of wealth, you're trying to avoid gold-diggers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most of the male gold-digging that I have seen is from men who date and marry women with wealthy fathers. A few have even admitted it.

Ooh! Good point. I forgot about that, but I've dated guys who admitted to me they would never get serious with any woman who didn't come from money. (Me!) This is definitely a thing.

But the question is, does he also come from money. "Has money and will only marry money" is not gold-digging.

Kinda is

Of course it's not. We both come from money and, looking at our friends and family, they all married people with similar backgrounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Men can also be gold diggers, but thus usually happens later in life when divorce or other issues sucked up their $$$ and now they want a similarity aged woman who can provide health care for them (be their nurse) and the $ they got from ex or dead husband."

This is changing. With more women in the professions and making greater income, there are more male golddiggers cropping up.

I know a woman in a high-paying profession with her own home and plenty of assets.

She met a good-looking high-school drop out doofus who worked at a retail store. Within three weeks he was living with her and within a year they were married.

She knew exactly what she was doing. She was buying a good-looking man she could control completely with her purse strings. And she does.

Most of the male gold-digging that I have seen is from men who date and marry women with wealthy fathers. A few have even admitted it.

This is the worst strategy, at least in a lot of states. If you want to be a successful golddigger, marry someone (without a prenup) who grew up poor and makes $$$ from earned income.

[Anonymous]

Oh irony of ironies.

It is actually easier to be a working mother if you have a higher earning spouse. Having a spouse whose income can help pay for the support necessary to have a career is often the difference between a woman continuing to work or becoming a SAHM, between staying FT or going PT, between pursuing a more ambitious career path or getting mommy-tracked.

There are other things that can really help facilitate keeping your career as a mom, but they are harder to access. For instance, having family who will help with childcare (even something as simple as having a parent or IL who will pick your kid up from daycare on days you can't) is a huge boon, but you either have this or you don't, and it's much easier to screen for partners with higher incomes than for partners with family members who will be willing to help in this way.

Also, since women are more often in lower paying careers (lots of complex reasons for this, and misogyny is one of them), marrying a high earner versus a middle earner might allow you to continue to work even if childcare actually equals or exceeds your income during the early years. While of course couples should not base a decision of whether to become a SAHM by comparing just the woman's income to the cost of childcare, if the woman is the lower earner, this can be inevitable. A higher earning partner might make it easier to accept that a woman chooses to work even if it would technically "save" the family money if she stayed home. Once the early years are over this will pay dividends for everyone, since the woman will have those additional years of work. But this is a situation where you might have to spend money to make money, and families with lower earners often cannot make this work, which is what leads to a lot of women dropping out of the workforce because it is actually "cheaper" for them to stay home in the short term.

But we don't openly talk about any of this and we don't educate young women on these facts because of the stigma against women "marrying for money". Though some women do get this education, but I've found it is most likely to be wealthy or UMC women because there is less stigma on these women since they bring more generational wealth and assets into a marriage. So basically, women with dowries still have better "prospects" because they are from the class that sets the rules.

The dirty secret is that if we created a social safety net that better supported mothers and especially working mothers, the financial benefits to women of marrying men with more money would be mitigated. If you knew you'd have access to quality childcare that accommodated your job no matter your income, for instance, you wouldn't have to worry about marrying someone who could facilitate paying for enough childcare to ensure you could work FT. Plus if childcare was subsidized, you would see far fewer women dropping out of work to SAHM because their childcare costs exceed their income.

But sure, okay, let's punish women for trying to marry men with enough resources to make up for all the resources we deny to working women as a society. Many women are just choosing not to have kids or simply not to marry instead, that's how crappy this tradeoff is for working moms. But we are still using words like "gold digger." SMDH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Most of the male gold-digging that I have seen is from men who date and marry women with wealthy fathers. A few have even admitted it.

Maybe so, but my kids money will be in a trust and thus if they get divorced it won't be part of the marital estate and their exes will get none of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh irony of ironies.

It is actually easier to be a working mother if you have a higher earning spouse. Having a spouse whose income can help pay for the support necessary to have a career is often the difference between a woman continuing to work or becoming a SAHM, between staying FT or going PT, between pursuing a more ambitious career path or getting mommy-tracked.

There are other things that can really help facilitate keeping your career as a mom, but they are harder to access. For instance, having family who will help with childcare (even something as simple as having a parent or IL who will pick your kid up from daycare on days you can't) is a huge boon, but you either have this or you don't, and it's much easier to screen for partners with higher incomes than for partners with family members who will be willing to help in this way.

Also, since women are more often in lower paying careers (lots of complex reasons for this, and misogyny is one of them), marrying a high earner versus a middle earner might allow you to continue to work even if childcare actually equals or exceeds your income during the early years. While of course couples should not base a decision of whether to become a SAHM by comparing just the woman's income to the cost of childcare, if the woman is the lower earner, this can be inevitable. A higher earning partner might make it easier to accept that a woman chooses to work even if it would technically "save" the family money if she stayed home. Once the early years are over this will pay dividends for everyone, since the woman will have those additional years of work. But this is a situation where you might have to spend money to make money, and families with lower earners often cannot make this work, which is what leads to a lot of women dropping out of the workforce because it is actually "cheaper" for them to stay home in the short term.

But we don't openly talk about any of this and we don't educate young women on these facts because of the stigma against women "marrying for money". Though some women do get this education, but I've found it is most likely to be wealthy or UMC women because there is less stigma on these women since they bring more generational wealth and assets into a marriage. So basically, women with dowries still have better "prospects" because they are from the class that sets the rules.

The dirty secret is that if we created a social safety net that better supported mothers and especially working mothers, the financial benefits to women of marrying men with more money would be mitigated. If you knew you'd have access to quality childcare that accommodated your job no matter your income, for instance, you wouldn't have to worry about marrying someone who could facilitate paying for enough childcare to ensure you could work FT. Plus if childcare was subsidized, you would see far fewer women dropping out of work to SAHM because their childcare costs exceed their income.

But sure, okay, let's punish women for trying to marry men with enough resources to make up for all the resources we deny to working women as a society. Many women are just choosing not to have kids or simply not to marry instead, that's how crappy this tradeoff is for working moms. But we are still using words like "gold digger." SMDH.

TL;DR gold-digging is good when women do it.

[Anonymous]

Whatever I give to my kids, it will be legally protected from any potential gold diggers but I do wish they don’t fall for any gold diggers as even if your money is protected, your heart isn’t so sorrow of finding out the reality of a partner is a bigger loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most of the male gold-digging that I have seen is from men who date and marry women with wealthy fathers. A few have even admitted it.

Ooh! Good point. I forgot about that, but I've dated guys who admitted to me they would never get serious with any woman who didn't come from money. (Me!) This is definitely a thing.

But the question is, does he also come from money. "Has money and will only marry money" is not gold-digging.

Kinda is

Of course it's not. We both come from money and, looking at our friends and family, they all married people with similar backgrounds.

You value the guy for his money: gold digger

[Anonymous]

I’m glad my kids earn well themselves, live within their means and wouldn’t became gold diggers even if there is a big fortune. However, I do wish their partners are ideologically and financially compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most of the male gold-digging that I have seen is from men who date and marry women with wealthy fathers. A few have even admitted it.

Ooh! Good point. I forgot about that, but I've dated guys who admitted to me they would never get serious with any woman who didn't come from money. (Me!) This is definitely a thing.

But the question is, does he also come from money. "Has money and will only marry money" is not gold-digging.

Kinda is

Of course it's not. We both come from money and, looking at our friends and family, they all married people with similar backgrounds.

You value the guy for his money: gold digger

No. It’s not. Just like some want ideological, political, religious or social compatibility, same goes for finances.

[Anonymous]

It would be gold digging if one partner has nothing and other has millions or one has millions but going for someone with billions. If you are in your own range, it’s not gold digging.