Chasing childhood

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this because I have an only child. She does tons of independent play and always has, out of necessity. I never feel like she gets enough time playing with other kids and am always looking for ways to do more of this. She's shy and has trouble initiating friendships/playing with others. So I default to organized activities often because it's a way to ensure she is doing things with other kids.

There are kids (a little older than her) who do free play in our neighborhood, but it's not super common. You mostly just see younger kids with parents and I assume older kids are in after school activities somewhere.

I like the idea of joining an organization like a church for community, but we are not religious. I know there are churches that are not super religious. I guess I'm kind of like my daughter too -- a little reserved and nervous about asking to join a group.

All of this has been so compounded by Covid. We used to socialize so much more, with so many more kinds of people, and our DD always came along and had lots of chances to meet other kids of varying backgrounds and ages and they were always encouraged to play on their own together. Our social group has shrunk, though, and our gatherings are much more planned and structured these days. I do not have that feeling I used to have like our circle was expansive and growing. It's isolating for all of us.

I do agree with a lot of the principles of the movie though. I am just struggling with how to apply them within my actual life and community.

I agree with this. It's hard to implement on an individual level. I didn't sign up my six year old for any camps last summer in part because most of his few friends from the end of kindergarten (when they finally went back in person) had parents who were at least temporarily at home. I thought it was his one chance to just hang out with friends in a less structured way, before my workplace rolled back its covid schedule flexibility in September. But that didn't happen! Because they were all in camps or visiting family most of the time! We saw one friend at the pool several times, but it just wasn't the free for all I remembered or imagined from my childhood. How do you have tons of free play with friends when the friends are all booked?

Also, we live in a city too, and at this age it really does require parental organization. There's no running across a string of unfenced yards, getting to friends or parks requires crossing busy streets. I do think they will have a lot more freedom in middle and high school than I did in a car dependent area, though; there is actually public space an older kid can safely walk or bike to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels so dated to me. Free play and independence are definitely stressed in the pre elementary school level and most parents are aware with older kids.

However “free play” isn’t playing video games! And sports will always be organized and valuable.

it kind of is, honestly. it has all elements of traditional play (and then some) except for physical exertion (which is not a part of every traditional game, either).

No. Playing video games is absolutely not free play! Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels so dated to me. Free play and independence are definitely stressed in the pre elementary school level and most parents are aware with older kids.

However “free play” isn’t playing video games! And sports will always be organized and valuable.

it kind of is, honestly. it has all elements of traditional play (and then some) except for physical exertion (which is not a part of every traditional game, either).

No. Playing video games is absolutely not free play! Jesus.

right, unless kids stuck wooden blocks and sew their own dolls they are not really playing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels so dated to me. Free play and independence are definitely stressed in the pre elementary school level and most parents are aware with older kids.

However “free play” isn’t playing video games! And sports will always be organized and valuable.

it kind of is, honestly. it has all elements of traditional play (and then some) except for physical exertion (which is not a part of every traditional game, either).

No. Playing video games is absolutely not free play! Jesus.

right, unless kids stuck wooden blocks and sew their own dolls they are not really playing

Don't you think that it would be better for kids/teens to have free play in person, not on a screen?

[Anonymous]

People drive like complete maniacs now and cops are not prioritizing traffic stops
Crazy people roaming around and they can't be taken away until a crime is committed
A lot of empty houses, fewer moms at home all day
People standing on the sidewalk openly smoking extremely strong weed now that it's legal. I don't think it should be illegal but there used to be public intoxication laws enforced
Dogs fresh from the shelter that havent been temperament tested and may be violent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels so dated to me. Free play and independence are definitely stressed in the pre elementary school level and most parents are aware with older kids.

However “free play” isn’t playing video games! And sports will always be organized and valuable.

it kind of is, honestly. it has all elements of traditional play (and then some) except for physical exertion (which is not a part of every traditional game, either).

No. Playing video games is absolutely not free play! Jesus.

right, unless kids stuck wooden blocks and sew their own dolls they are not really playing

Don't you think that it would be better for kids/teens to have free play in person, not on a screen?

I know a lot of kids enjoy playing video games in different houses, while talking to one another on headphones, but you do realize it’s possible to play video games all together in the same room, right? And that RPGs in particular have a lot of strategy and “freedom” built into them.

[Anonymous]

Haven't seen the movie yet, but u have seen the trailers abd a few clips. It's the kids themselves saying everything was too much. So why are they the parents listening abd at least trying to meet the kids half way at least?

[Anonymous]

I have fond memories of being able to ride my bike around the neighborhood and play outside with friends. My 6 year old is allowed to play outside alone. Unfortunately our neighborhood skews older so there aren't many peers on her street to play with.

[Anonymous]

My main safety concern is traffic. I let my 7th grader walk to the park in our neighborhood & to a couple of friends’ houses in the neighborhood. But I still go with my 2nd grader, because our street is busy with hills decreasing visibility, & I don’t trust her crossing safely. She does tons of free play in our yard, in her room, etc, but alone or with her brother. She plays with other kids at school & after school on the school playground some days. Parents are there but just talking among ourselves. I think this is good enough for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels so dated to me. Free play and independence are definitely stressed in the pre elementary school level and most parents are aware with older kids.

However “free play” isn’t playing video games! And sports will always be organized and valuable.

it kind of is, honestly. it has all elements of traditional play (and then some) except for physical exertion (which is not a part of every traditional game, either).

No. Playing video games is absolutely not free play! Jesus.

right, unless kids stuck wooden blocks and sew their own dolls they are not really playing

Yes, dear, those are the only options for free play - playing with wooden blocks or Mindcraft.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the elementary school aged kids we know who don’t do organized sports stat home and play video games. That is NOT “free play”.

I also find this subject tiresome. We don’t live in the same world we did when my mother was a kid and summers and after-school involved going outside and playing in the creek, sledding, building tree forts, etc. Most of us live in over-developed suburbs or cities where free range is simply dangerous.

Oy vey. Not playing outside is dangerous, my friend. You have it wrong!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this because I have an only child. She does tons of independent play and always has, out of necessity. I never feel like she gets enough time playing with other kids and am always looking for ways to do more of this. She's shy and has trouble initiating friendships/playing with others. So I default to organized activities often because it's a way to ensure she is doing things with other kids.

There are kids (a little older than her) who do free play in our neighborhood, but it's not super common. You mostly just see younger kids with parents and I assume older kids are in after school activities somewhere.

I like the idea of joining an organization like a church for community, but we are not religious. I know there are churches that are not super religious. I guess I'm kind of like my daughter too -- a little reserved and nervous about asking to join a group.

All of this has been so compounded by Covid. We used to socialize so much more, with so many more kinds of people, and our DD always came along and had lots of chances to meet other kids of varying backgrounds and ages and they were always encouraged to play on their own together. Our social group has shrunk, though, and our gatherings are much more planned and structured these days. I do not have that feeling I used to have like our circle was expansive and growing. It's isolating for all of us.

I do agree with a lot of the principles of the movie though. I am just struggling with how to apply them within my actual life and community.

I agree with this. It's hard to implement on an individual level. I didn't sign up my six year old for any camps last summer in part because most of his few friends from the end of kindergarten (when they finally went back in person) had parents who were at least temporarily at home. I thought it was his one chance to just hang out with friends in a less structured way, before my workplace rolled back its covid schedule flexibility in September. But that didn't happen! Because they were all in camps or visiting family most of the time! We saw one friend at the pool several times, but it just wasn't the free for all I remembered or imagined from my childhood. How do you have tons of free play with friends when the friends are all booked?

Also, we live in a city too, and at this age it really does require parental organization. There's no running across a string of unfenced yards, getting to friends or parks requires crossing busy streets. I do think they will have a lot more freedom in middle and high school than I did in a car dependent area, though; there is actually public space an older kid can safely walk or bike to.

I’ve had the same experiences. All I want is free play for my kids! But the neighborhood kids are booked. No one plays outside where I live. So alas..now I make sure mine have activities.

[Anonymous]

We live in a suburb and, starting in middle school, let our kids start taking buses and the metro to get downtown. One of them needed to do so weekly for lessons and the other took a bus and transferred to another bus to get to a volunteer gig at a community center. My kids cooked family meals at that age, did their own laundry, etc. During the summers, they were allowed to walk to our community pool and hangout with friends without adults as soon as it was allowed (age 12). These things can happen in suburbia, you just have to think about it a little harder. Now my kids are in HS and got their licenses as soon as they could -- they can pretty much do everything themselves (make doctor's appointments, plan and get to rehearsals, fly alone to other cities for school visits, etc). They contribute to the cost of their car insurance and cell phone plans through part time jobs. Not saying everyone needs to do it this way, but we did and it's turned out to be a good thing in our home.