Anyone afraid to retire because it would make your marriage harder - too much togetherness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both retired. We are in this house together for all but about 12 hours a week.
We gradually made adjustments and now it is fine.
At first, he was "supervising" the way I made salads, rinsed dishes, etc. etc. Things I had been doing by myself just fine for years.
He is an extrovert with a capital "E". Sometimes when I am in the bathroom, he is on the other side of the door telling me about stuff he read on reddit.

Adjustments we have made:
We sleep in separate rooms. We watch TV usually in separate rooms. We surf the internet usually in separate rooms.
We take naps most days, but at separate times of the day. That gives him a two hour break daily from me being under his feet, and I get a two hour break daily from him being under my feet.

He has 23 years in AA, and now that he is retired he sponsors four people. They call him daily. So he gets to shoot the breeze with them daily instead of just me all the time.

I work in the yard a couple hours a day. He doesn't.
I listen to audiobooks while cleaning / doing yard work / meal prep. He has finally learned that if he sees me with headphones on, I am probably not in a mood to visit with him. Although he did buy me an MP3 player with an easy to find pause button so it is easier for me to pause the audiobook so he can talk to me.

He bought a white noise machine for when he sleeps so that I can do stuff around the house while he is sleeping and it doesn't wake him up.

He likes to talk about politicians and bad people in the news and other stuff I am not interested in. When he goes on and on too much about that to me, I eventually start mumbling about needing to do chores and I wander off and grab the windex and paper towels.

It's funny that when we were newly married, I whined about him not being around much. Now I whine about him being around too much. Such is the seasons of life.
Our 40th anniversary is next month.

I agree this makes me sad.

Actually, I appreciate this post. Its honest and refreshing.

Me too! I don't have quite the same problems with my husband as she does, but I love that they worked them out. REally, grabbing the windex and paper towels-- that's pretty brilliant. I'm stealing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I intend to work until 68, DH will retire 8 years earlier. I hope he will have adapted to the situation when i retire. DH wants to keep a dog and he knows a farmer which can need some help and will be thankful getting help from DH. So I hope, he will be busy. I don't want him interfere with my routine.

I've banned my husband from getting a dog. If he wants to be around dogs, he can work at a pound.

[Anonymous]

I know several women who are still working in their 60's and 70's, even though they don't need the money. I suspect they do it to have some space away from their retired husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is retired and I WFH 4 days out of 5. It works for us because we enjoy keeping active and eating together. We go to the gym, walk to the farmer's market, work out with our trainer, watch TV together...I also like it that I can hide behind work when his side of the family visits and he can be the one who handles them.

Doesn't count. You're still working.

To be fair, she doesn’t seem to be working very much….

It's called having a work-life balance. I make the time for exercise and relaxation after I sign off from work and on the weekends. Sorry if you're jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has his own interests, but none of them require him to leave the house. So yeah, I'm dreading the conflict when we're both retired and I want time by myself or with someone who isn't him (I can travel with friends or just book myself a month or two at an Air B&B, but he will be hurt/offended that I'm not doing everything with him)

This is what I dread. I don't want to do everything with him, but his parents never spent more than 2 weeks apart their entire married life (61 years). That sounds dreadful to me! I told him I would go insane and that won't be our retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has his own interests, but none of them require him to leave the house. So yeah, I'm dreading the conflict when we're both retired and I want time by myself or with someone who isn't him (I can travel with friends or just book myself a month or two at an Air B&B, but he will be hurt/offended that I'm not doing everything with him)

This is what I dread. I don't want to do everything with him, but his parents never spent more than 2 weeks apart their entire married life (61 years). That sounds dreadful to me! I told him I would go insane and that won't be our retirement.

Ok, but what do you enjoy doing together?

[Anonymous]

So difficult and I really love the guy! He micro manages everything I do, always listens to
my phone conversations, putting away things before I am done with them and driving me crazy. Help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So difficult and I really love the guy! He micro manages everything I do, always listens to
my phone conversations, putting away things before I am done with them and driving me crazy. Help!

My retired husband is the same. I (secretly) call him Glady Kravitz, the busybody neighbor on Bewitched. Remember our estrogen levels go down, while theirs go up. I have found the best way to deal with the micromanaging and fussiness is to be out of the house. Start at the gym, home to shower, then to the market and errands. Sometimes i drive through Starbucks and sit in my car listening to books on Audible. I am home at 4 or so and start dinner and am better able to be patient and loving. He will get used to your absence if you are consistent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I married you for breakfast and dinner, but not for lunch."

It's a common problem.

--Couple therapist

Churchill said that IME of the “secrets to a happy marriage is never to speak to or see or the loved one before noon.”

I agree 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I intend to work until 68, DH will retire 8 years earlier. I hope he will have adapted to the situation when i retire. DH wants to keep a dog and he knows a farmer which can need some help and will be thankful getting help from DH. So I hope, he will be busy. I don't want him interfere with my routine.

Keep an eye on that. I know a couple who are divorced now because he started helping out at a stable after he retired & ended up falling in love with a horse trainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I intend to work until 68, DH will retire 8 years earlier. I hope he will have adapted to the situation when i retire. DH wants to keep a dog and he knows a farmer which can need some help and will be thankful getting help from DH. So I hope, he will be busy. I don't want him interfere with my routine.

Keep an eye on that. I know a couple who are divorced now because he started helping out at a stable after he retired & ended up falling in love with a horse trainer.

Keep an eye on what? Your spouse having any interaction outside the home? Sorry about that couple, but if someone is going to cheat, it won't be prevented by "keeping an eye on that".