Anyone afraid to retire because it would make your marriage harder - too much togetherness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is retired and I WFH 4 days out of 5. It works for us because we enjoy keeping active and eating together. We go to the gym, walk to the farmer's market, work out with our trainer, watch TV together...I also like it that I can hide behind work when his side of the family visits and he can be the one who handles them.

Doesn't count. You're still working.

To be fair, she doesn’t seem to be working very much….

It's called having a work-life balance. I make the time for exercise and relaxation after I sign off from work and on the weekends. Sorry if you're jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is retired and I WFH 4 days out of 5. It works for us because we enjoy keeping active and eating together. We go to the gym, walk to the farmer's market, work out with our trainer, watch TV together...I also like it that I can hide behind work when his side of the family visits and he can be the one who handles them.

Doesn't count. You're still working.

To be fair, she doesn’t seem to be working very much….

It's called having a work-life balance. I make the time for exercise and relaxation after I sign off from work and on the weekends. Sorry if you're jealous.

I can’t believe you were criticized for what seems like an ideal balance! Enjoy.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both retired. We are in this house together for all but about 12 hours a week.
We gradually made adjustments and now it is fine.
At first, he was "supervising" the way I made salads, rinsed dishes, etc. etc. Things I had been doing by myself just fine for years.
He is an extrovert with a capital "E". Sometimes when I am in the bathroom, he is on the other side of the door telling me about stuff he read on reddit.

Adjustments we have made:
We sleep in separate rooms. We watch TV usually in separate rooms. We surf the internet usually in separate rooms.
We take naps most days, but at separate times of the day. That gives him a two hour break daily from me being under his feet, and I get a two hour break daily from him being under my feet.

He has 23 years in AA, and now that he is retired he sponsors four people. They call him daily. So he gets to shoot the breeze with them daily instead of just me all the time.

I work in the yard a couple hours a day. He doesn't.
I listen to audiobooks while cleaning / doing yard work / meal prep. He has finally learned that if he sees me with headphones on, I am probably not in a mood to visit with him. Although he did buy me an MP3 player with an easy to find pause button so it is easier for me to pause the audiobook so he can talk to me.

He bought a white noise machine for when he sleeps so that I can do stuff around the house while he is sleeping and it doesn't wake him up.

He likes to talk about politicians and bad people in the news and other stuff I am not interested in. When he goes on and on too much about that to me, I eventually start mumbling about needing to do chores and I wander off and grab the windex and paper towels.

It's funny that when we were newly married, I whined about him not being around much. Now I whine about him being around too much. Such is the seasons of life.
Our 40th anniversary is next month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both retired. We are in this house together for all but about 12 hours a week.
We gradually made adjustments and now it is fine.
At first, he was "supervising" the way I made salads, rinsed dishes, etc. etc. Things I had been doing by myself just fine for years.
He is an extrovert with a capital "E". Sometimes when I am in the bathroom, he is on the other side of the door telling me about stuff he read on reddit.

Adjustments we have made:
We sleep in separate rooms. We watch TV usually in separate rooms. We surf the internet usually in separate rooms.
We take naps most days, but at separate times of the day. That gives him a two hour break daily from me being under his feet, and I get a two hour break daily from him being under my feet.

He has 23 years in AA, and now that he is retired he sponsors four people. They call him daily. So he gets to shoot the breeze with them daily instead of just me all the time.

I work in the yard a couple hours a day. He doesn't.
I listen to audiobooks while cleaning / doing yard work / meal prep. He has finally learned that if he sees me with headphones on, I am probably not in a mood to visit with him. Although he did buy me an MP3 player with an easy to find pause button so it is easier for me to pause the audiobook so he can talk to me.

He bought a white noise machine for when he sleeps so that I can do stuff around the house while he is sleeping and it doesn't wake him up.

He likes to talk about politicians and bad people in the news and other stuff I am not interested in. When he goes on and on too much about that to me, I eventually start mumbling about needing to do chores and I wander off and grab the windex and paper towels.

It's funny that when we were newly married, I whined about him not being around much. Now I whine about him being around too much. Such is the seasons of life.
Our 40th anniversary is next month.

You've been married this long and cant even sleep in the same room and on the same bed? That's sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both retired. We are in this house together for all but about 12 hours a week.
We gradually made adjustments and now it is fine.
At first, he was "supervising" the way I made salads, rinsed dishes, etc. etc. Things I had been doing by myself just fine for years.
He is an extrovert with a capital "E". Sometimes when I am in the bathroom, he is on the other side of the door telling me about stuff he read on reddit.

Adjustments we have made:
We sleep in separate rooms. We watch TV usually in separate rooms. We surf the internet usually in separate rooms.
We take naps most days, but at separate times of the day. That gives him a two hour break daily from me being under his feet, and I get a two hour break daily from him being under my feet.

He has 23 years in AA, and now that he is retired he sponsors four people. They call him daily. So he gets to shoot the breeze with them daily instead of just me all the time.

I work in the yard a couple hours a day. He doesn't.
I listen to audiobooks while cleaning / doing yard work / meal prep. He has finally learned that if he sees me with headphones on, I am probably not in a mood to visit with him. Although he did buy me an MP3 player with an easy to find pause button so it is easier for me to pause the audiobook so he can talk to me.

He bought a white noise machine for when he sleeps so that I can do stuff around the house while he is sleeping and it doesn't wake him up.

He likes to talk about politicians and bad people in the news and other stuff I am not interested in. When he goes on and on too much about that to me, I eventually start mumbling about needing to do chores and I wander off and grab the windex and paper towels.

It's funny that when we were newly married, I whined about him not being around much. Now I whine about him being around too much. Such is the seasons of life.
Our 40th anniversary is next month.

I agree this makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both retired. We are in this house together for all but about 12 hours a week.
We gradually made adjustments and now it is fine.
At first, he was "supervising" the way I made salads, rinsed dishes, etc. etc. Things I had been doing by myself just fine for years.
He is an extrovert with a capital "E". Sometimes when I am in the bathroom, he is on the other side of the door telling me about stuff he read on reddit.

Adjustments we have made:
We sleep in separate rooms. We watch TV usually in separate rooms. We surf the internet usually in separate rooms.
We take naps most days, but at separate times of the day. That gives him a two hour break daily from me being under his feet, and I get a two hour break daily from him being under my feet.

He has 23 years in AA, and now that he is retired he sponsors four people. They call him daily. So he gets to shoot the breeze with them daily instead of just me all the time.

I work in the yard a couple hours a day. He doesn't.
I listen to audiobooks while cleaning / doing yard work / meal prep. He has finally learned that if he sees me with headphones on, I am probably not in a mood to visit with him. Although he did buy me an MP3 player with an easy to find pause button so it is easier for me to pause the audiobook so he can talk to me.

He bought a white noise machine for when he sleeps so that I can do stuff around the house while he is sleeping and it doesn't wake him up.

He likes to talk about politicians and bad people in the news and other stuff I am not interested in. When he goes on and on too much about that to me, I eventually start mumbling about needing to do chores and I wander off and grab the windex and paper towels.

It's funny that when we were newly married, I whined about him not being around much. Now I whine about him being around too much. Such is the seasons of life.
Our 40th anniversary is next month.

I agree this makes me sad.

Actually, I appreciate this post. Its honest and refreshing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both retired. We are in this house together for all but about 12 hours a week.
We gradually made adjustments and now it is fine.
At first, he was "supervising" the way I made salads, rinsed dishes, etc. etc. Things I had been doing by myself just fine for years.
He is an extrovert with a capital "E". Sometimes when I am in the bathroom, he is on the other side of the door telling me about stuff he read on reddit.

Adjustments we have made:
We sleep in separate rooms. We watch TV usually in separate rooms. We surf the internet usually in separate rooms.
We take naps most days, but at separate times of the day. That gives him a two hour break daily from me being under his feet, and I get a two hour break daily from him being under my feet.

He has 23 years in AA, and now that he is retired he sponsors four people. They call him daily. So he gets to shoot the breeze with them daily instead of just me all the time.

I work in the yard a couple hours a day. He doesn't.
I listen to audiobooks while cleaning / doing yard work / meal prep. He has finally learned that if he sees me with headphones on, I am probably not in a mood to visit with him. Although he did buy me an MP3 player with an easy to find pause button so it is easier for me to pause the audiobook so he can talk to me.

He bought a white noise machine for when he sleeps so that I can do stuff around the house while he is sleeping and it doesn't wake him up.

He likes to talk about politicians and bad people in the news and other stuff I am not interested in. When he goes on and on too much about that to me, I eventually start mumbling about needing to do chores and I wander off and grab the windex and paper towels.

It's funny that when we were newly married, I whined about him not being around much. Now I whine about him being around too much. Such is the seasons of life.
Our 40th anniversary is next month.

You've been married this long and cant even sleep in the same room and on the same bed? That's sad.

DP.

No, she's been married this long and has learned that she doesn't have to sleep in the same room/bed to have a good marriage. Thank goodness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both retired. We are in this house together for all but about 12 hours a week.
We gradually made adjustments and now it is fine.
At first, he was "supervising" the way I made salads, rinsed dishes, etc. etc. Things I had been doing by myself just fine for years.
He is an extrovert with a capital "E". Sometimes when I am in the bathroom, he is on the other side of the door telling me about stuff he read on reddit.

Adjustments we have made:
We sleep in separate rooms. We watch TV usually in separate rooms. We surf the internet usually in separate rooms.
We take naps most days, but at separate times of the day. That gives him a two hour break daily from me being under his feet, and I get a two hour break daily from him being under my feet.

He has 23 years in AA, and now that he is retired he sponsors four people. They call him daily. So he gets to shoot the breeze with them daily instead of just me all the time.

I work in the yard a couple hours a day. He doesn't.
I listen to audiobooks while cleaning / doing yard work / meal prep. He has finally learned that if he sees me with headphones on, I am probably not in a mood to visit with him. Although he did buy me an MP3 player with an easy to find pause button so it is easier for me to pause the audiobook so he can talk to me.

He bought a white noise machine for when he sleeps so that I can do stuff around the house while he is sleeping and it doesn't wake him up.

He likes to talk about politicians and bad people in the news and other stuff I am not interested in. When he goes on and on too much about that to me, I eventually start mumbling about needing to do chores and I wander off and grab the windex and paper towels.

It's funny that when we were newly married, I whined about him not being around much. Now I whine about him being around too much. Such is the seasons of life.
Our 40th anniversary is next month.

You've been married this long and cant even sleep in the same room and on the same bed? That's sad.

DP.

No, she's been married this long and has learned that she doesn't have to sleep in the same room/bed to have a good marriage. Thank goodness.

But based on her post, it seems that they have nothing in common and don't do anything together. Makes me wonder why (a) they married in the first place and (b) why they even bother to stay married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You each need a hobby and/or an active, engaged life that is compatible with *but separate from* the other’s. “For better or for worse, but not for lunch.”

So...my MIL uses that phrase. Now and then it's okay, but she uses it so frequently that I can no longer bear to hear it even if I think it makes a lot of sense.

[Anonymous]

"I married you for breakfast and dinner, but not for lunch."

It's a common problem.

--Couple therapist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both retired. We are in this house together for all but about 12 hours a week.
We gradually made adjustments and now it is fine.
At first, he was "supervising" the way I made salads, rinsed dishes, etc. etc. Things I had been doing by myself just fine for years.
He is an extrovert with a capital "E". Sometimes when I am in the bathroom, he is on the other side of the door telling me about stuff he read on reddit.

Adjustments we have made:
We sleep in separate rooms. We watch TV usually in separate rooms. We surf the internet usually in separate rooms.
We take naps most days, but at separate times of the day. That gives him a two hour break daily from me being under his feet, and I get a two hour break daily from him being under my feet.

He has 23 years in AA, and now that he is retired he sponsors four people. They call him daily. So he gets to shoot the breeze with them daily instead of just me all the time.

I work in the yard a couple hours a day. He doesn't.
I listen to audiobooks while cleaning / doing yard work / meal prep. He has finally learned that if he sees me with headphones on, I am probably not in a mood to visit with him. Although he did buy me an MP3 player with an easy to find pause button so it is easier for me to pause the audiobook so he can talk to me.

He bought a white noise machine for when he sleeps so that I can do stuff around the house while he is sleeping and it doesn't wake him up.

He likes to talk about politicians and bad people in the news and other stuff I am not interested in. When he goes on and on too much about that to me, I eventually start mumbling about needing to do chores and I wander off and grab the windex and paper towels.

It's funny that when we were newly married, I whined about him not being around much. Now I whine about him being around too much. Such is the seasons of life.
Our 40th anniversary is next month.

You've been married this long and cant even sleep in the same room and on the same bed? That's sad.

DP.

No, she's been married this long and has learned that she doesn't have to sleep in the same room/bed to have a good marriage. Thank goodness.

But based on her post, it seems that they have nothing in common and don't do anything together. Makes me wonder why (a) they married in the first place and (b) why they even bother to stay married.

C'mon, you really can't see how a couple might change over 40 years, but still don't see the need to divorce? I'm thinking about retirement in a few years and will need to have activites of my own out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both retired. We are in this house together for all but about 12 hours a week.
We gradually made adjustments and now it is fine.
At first, he was "supervising" the way I made salads, rinsed dishes, etc. etc. Things I had been doing by myself just fine for years.
He is an extrovert with a capital "E". Sometimes when I am in the bathroom, he is on the other side of the door telling me about stuff he read on reddit.

Adjustments we have made:
We sleep in separate rooms. We watch TV usually in separate rooms. We surf the internet usually in separate rooms.
We take naps most days, but at separate times of the day. That gives him a two hour break daily from me being under his feet, and I get a two hour break daily from him being under my feet.

He has 23 years in AA, and now that he is retired he sponsors four people. They call him daily. So he gets to shoot the breeze with them daily instead of just me all the time.

I work in the yard a couple hours a day. He doesn't.
I listen to audiobooks while cleaning / doing yard work / meal prep. He has finally learned that if he sees me with headphones on, I am probably not in a mood to visit with him. Although he did buy me an MP3 player with an easy to find pause button so it is easier for me to pause the audiobook so he can talk to me.

He bought a white noise machine for when he sleeps so that I can do stuff around the house while he is sleeping and it doesn't wake him up.

He likes to talk about politicians and bad people in the news and other stuff I am not interested in. When he goes on and on too much about that to me, I eventually start mumbling about needing to do chores and I wander off and grab the windex and paper towels.

It's funny that when we were newly married, I whined about him not being around much. Now I whine about him being around too much. Such is the seasons of life.
Our 40th anniversary is next month.

You've been married this long and cant even sleep in the same room and on the same bed? That's sad.

DP.

No, she's been married this long and has learned that she doesn't have to sleep in the same room/bed to have a good marriage. Thank goodness.

But based on her post, it seems that they have nothing in common and don't do anything together. Makes me wonder why (a) they married in the first place and (b) why they even bother to stay married.

How long have you been married, PP? Are you approaching 40 years yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both retired. We are in this house together for all but about 12 hours a week.
We gradually made adjustments and now it is fine.
At first, he was "supervising" the way I made salads, rinsed dishes, etc. etc. Things I had been doing by myself just fine for years.
He is an extrovert with a capital "E". Sometimes when I am in the bathroom, he is on the other side of the door telling me about stuff he read on reddit.

Adjustments we have made:
We sleep in separate rooms. We watch TV usually in separate rooms. We surf the internet usually in separate rooms.
We take naps most days, but at separate times of the day. That gives him a two hour break daily from me being under his feet, and I get a two hour break daily from him being under my feet.

He has 23 years in AA, and now that he is retired he sponsors four people. They call him daily. So he gets to shoot the breeze with them daily instead of just me all the time.

I work in the yard a couple hours a day. He doesn't.
I listen to audiobooks while cleaning / doing yard work / meal prep. He has finally learned that if he sees me with headphones on, I am probably not in a mood to visit with him. Although he did buy me an MP3 player with an easy to find pause button so it is easier for me to pause the audiobook so he can talk to me.

He bought a white noise machine for when he sleeps so that I can do stuff around the house while he is sleeping and it doesn't wake him up.

He likes to talk about politicians and bad people in the news and other stuff I am not interested in. When he goes on and on too much about that to me, I eventually start mumbling about needing to do chores and I wander off and grab the windex and paper towels.

It's funny that when we were newly married, I whined about him not being around much. Now I whine about him being around too much. Such is the seasons of life.
Our 40th anniversary is next month.

You've been married this long and cant even sleep in the same room and on the same bed? That's sad.

DP.

No, she's been married this long and has learned that she doesn't have to sleep in the same room/bed to have a good marriage. Thank goodness.

But based on her post, it seems that they have nothing in common and don't do anything together. Makes me wonder why (a) they married in the first place and (b) why they even bother to stay married.

How long have you been married, PP? Are you approaching 40 years yourself?

Why so defensive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both retired. We are in this house together for all but about 12 hours a week.
We gradually made adjustments and now it is fine.
At first, he was "supervising" the way I made salads, rinsed dishes, etc. etc. Things I had been doing by myself just fine for years.
He is an extrovert with a capital "E". Sometimes when I am in the bathroom, he is on the other side of the door telling me about stuff he read on reddit.

Adjustments we have made:
We sleep in separate rooms. We watch TV usually in separate rooms. We surf the internet usually in separate rooms.
We take naps most days, but at separate times of the day. That gives him a two hour break daily from me being under his feet, and I get a two hour break daily from him being under my feet.

He has 23 years in AA, and now that he is retired he sponsors four people. They call him daily. So he gets to shoot the breeze with them daily instead of just me all the time.

I work in the yard a couple hours a day. He doesn't.
I listen to audiobooks while cleaning / doing yard work / meal prep. He has finally learned that if he sees me with headphones on, I am probably not in a mood to visit with him. Although he did buy me an MP3 player with an easy to find pause button so it is easier for me to pause the audiobook so he can talk to me.

He bought a white noise machine for when he sleeps so that I can do stuff around the house while he is sleeping and it doesn't wake him up.

He likes to talk about politicians and bad people in the news and other stuff I am not interested in. When he goes on and on too much about that to me, I eventually start mumbling about needing to do chores and I wander off and grab the windex and paper towels.

It's funny that when we were newly married, I whined about him not being around much. Now I whine about him being around too much. Such is the seasons of life.
Our 40th anniversary is next month.

You've been married this long and cant even sleep in the same room and on the same bed? That's sad.

DP.

No, she's been married this long and has learned that she doesn't have to sleep in the same room/bed to have a good marriage. Thank goodness.

But based on her post, it seems that they have nothing in common and don't do anything together. Makes me wonder why (a) they married in the first place and (b) why they even bother to stay married.

How long have you been married, PP? Are you approaching 40 years yourself?

Why so defensive?

Not PP, but because you're attacking someone who is simply reporting her experience. Why so aggressive and and self-centered?

[Anonymous]

I intend to work until 68, DH will retire 8 years earlier. I hope he will have adapted to the situation when i retire. DH wants to keep a dog and he knows a farmer which can need some help and will be thankful getting help from DH. So I hope, he will be busy. I don't want him interfere with my routine.