S/O: Do people really expect you to honor their wedding anniversary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I threw a 50th anniversary party for my parents. My siblings and I truly won the lottery when it came to loving and supportive and hilarious/fun parents, and grandparents to our kids.

I had it out back the weekend of their anniversary with their closest friends and my aunts/uncles.

My yard isn't huge, but I had a small dance floor put in, a tent up (September and it poured the day before). My sister helped me decorate round tables, had catering, set up a bar and great music.

They danced to their first dance and my two young boys smiled on--giggling as my dad made faces at them.

It was a very special night.

Little did I know that my dad would be dead from an aggressive cancer 2 years later. We all really cherish that we had that party, the video of their dance and photos.

Similar in my family. Extended family (in other states) come together for milestone bdays, funerals, weddings, etc. Everyone is very close and have a lot of fun together.

Family is what is important in life and generations carrying on the love and support.

Maybe it's families that really value marriage--who knows? We have no divorces in our family--and people are happy!! Travel, get together, well-adjusted, no family grudges or estrangements.

ooooh - look at you sliding that ding in. People who value marriage recognize/celebrate anniversaries of others in their family. Blech.

We've had no divorces in our family either. My mother and grandmother were both widowed and remarried. In total, they were both married over 50 years with 2 different DHs. My DH's family is similar - no divorces and long, happy marriages. Yet, no one celebrates any anniversary other than their own.

[Anonymous]

We have a family text chain and on a couple’s anniversary, my mother will text “ happy anniversary so and so”. And then everybody else on the will chime in wishing that couple a happy anniversary. That works for our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I threw a 50th anniversary party for my parents. My siblings and I truly won the lottery when it came to loving and supportive and hilarious/fun parents, and grandparents to our kids.

I had it out back the weekend of their anniversary with their closest friends and my aunts/uncles.

My yard isn't huge, but I had a small dance floor put in, a tent up (September and it poured the day before). My sister helped me decorate round tables, had catering, set up a bar and great music.

They danced to their first dance and my two young boys smiled on--giggling as my dad made faces at them.

It was a very special night.

Little did I know that my dad would be dead from an aggressive cancer 2 years later. We all really cherish that we had that party, the video of their dance and photos.

Similar in my family. Extended family (in other states) come together for milestone bdays, funerals, weddings, etc. Everyone is very close and have a lot of fun together.

Family is what is important in life and generations carrying on the love and support.

Maybe it's families that really value marriage--who knows? We have no divorces in our family--and people are happy!! Travel, get together, well-adjusted, no family grudges or estrangements.

ooooh - look at you sliding that ding in. People who value marriage recognize/celebrate anniversaries of others in their family. Blech.

We've had no divorces in our family either. My mother and grandmother were both widowed and remarried. In total, they were both married over 50 years with 2 different DHs. My DH's family is similar - no divorces and long, happy marriages. Yet, no one celebrates any anniversary other than their own.

There are no divorces in either my family or DH's family. Now let me state the obvious: that does not mean in any way, shape, or form that all of these are good marriages, or marriages worth celebrating, or that they even "value marriage" rather than inability to take agency/action, buck social stigma, or any number of things.

[Anonymous]

Agree with you, OP. I don't remember other people's anniversaries (except my own parents') and I don't think others should have to remember mine. The only acknowledgment/"honoring" of my anniversary I want is time away from/uninterrupted by work for celebrating it (which I thankfully get). I have relatives who like everyone to wish them happy anniversary and get very into it, but I think it should be a private thing for the couple.

[Anonymous]

I just say “thanks for reminding me” when someone mentions my anniversary. Catches them off guard and shows them it is weird to remember such things unless it is your own anniversary.

[Anonymous]

I have a dear friend who always commemorates my wedding anniversary with a card and champagne. I did not yet know this friend when I got married, and while it’s such a sweet gesture, it makes me a little uncomfortable. To be honest, my husband and I don’t make much of a fuss over our anniversary. Happily married, just don’t make a big deal out of that particular occasion. We don’t post anything on social media, the friend remembers the date. It’s hard enough to remember and celebrate every family milestone…I can’t imagine why someone would feel it’s necessary for anyone other than the couple to even acknowledge a wedding anniversary.

I do not reciprocate in this case because…the whole practice just seems odd to me. I’m hoping the “tradition” runs its course. Do any of your friends celebrate your anniversary beyond wishing you a happy one on FB or something?

[Anonymous]

My parents used to send us a card. For our fifth, they gave us a check that we put toward a weekend getaway. We didn’t expect anything, though. I began to send them a card or call.

For our 25th, my MIL sent us a check to go to dinner, which was unexpected and very kind. Over the years, my mother had said she was going to give me an heirloom on our 25th but she has not brought it up, and I haven’t either.

We don’t exchange gifts with each other. This year, we were away for an event related to kids so we didn’t do much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents give us a check every year, intended toward a vacation together. I think it’s sweet but would never expect anything.

My in-laws have a habit of trying to schedule other events and forget it’s our anniversary and are mad when we decline to spend our anniversary with them.

I know this is a tangent but my MIL does this with my birthday, too. She'll ask us to come visit the weekend closest to my birthday, and we always decline because I we are planning to get go out for celebratory dinner or just get together with friends (and I also usually plan alone time while DH takes our DD out for some 1:1 time, which is probably my favorite part of my birthday). This has happened at least six times in the 12 years we've been together. But when my DH says "Oh we can't it's DW's birthday that weekend and we have plans," my MIL is instantly upset that I apparently don't want to spend my birthday visiting her. It's so weird! My own parents have never been upset that I don't spend my birthday with them. I have close friends I've known for 40 years who don't get upset about it. It is so weird to me that she seems fixated on making me spend a birthday with her. A mystery we'll never solve because we'll never do it.

Just have DH say you are both busy. Don’t mention the birthday. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Every year, my parents send us (my sister as well) lovely card with a gift card to a restaurant for our anniversary. Absolutely appreciate it but nah, wouldn't get upset at all if one day they stopped.