S/O: Do people really expect you to honor their wedding anniversary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I don't expect anyone to remember or acknowledge my wedding anniversary other than my husband. I also don't send a card or anything for my parents or ILs anniversaries. Now that I think of it I'm sure they would love that, but I'm not really a card person in general (I find greeting cards cheesy and not genuine) and I guess it's just never occurred to me. I don't remember my parents celebrating their anniversary at all when I was a kid. The only reason I know when it is is that my sister wound up getting married the day after their anniversary, and I remember my sister's anniversary because obviously I was at the wedding.

I could have written this. My sister also got married the day after my parent’s annversary.

[Anonymous]

I think when people post about it on social media they expect a "Happy Anniversary!" post back. I recently gave my brother and SIL flowers on their anniversary but it was the first night of Passover and they'd invited me over for a seder when they'd only arrived home less than an hour before I got there. So they were "Happy anniversary, welcome home and Happy Passover" flowers all in one $20 bouquet.

[Anonymous]

I do send a happy anniversary text to my parents, but in the pre-texting era, I didn't call them to wish them a happy anniversary or send cards. We're not really a card-sending family.

I also text my aunt, but that's because she got married on my birthday so 1) it's easy to remember and 2) it's fun to have a little flurry of texts where she wishes me a happy birthday and I wish her a happy anniversary.

But otherwise, I don't really do anything for others' anniversaries, nor do I expect anyone other than my husband to remember - much less commemorate in any way - my anniversary.

[Anonymous]

I can barely remember my own anniversary. I might remember my parents every other year but certainly don't send a gift. Maybe a text. I usually remember my ILs a few days late as it's a few days before mine. I don't see why an anniversary is important to anyone other than the spouses.

A co-worker of mine, who was really close to our boss, wanted to get a cake for our boss' 20 year anniversary. I said, "wow, I can't believe she has worked here for 20 years". She said, "no, it's her wedding anniversary". I was dumbfounded that she felt like that would need to be celebrated among our work colleagues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wedding anniversary is between spouses.

This. Feels intrusive any other way to me.

[Anonymous]

My parents give us a check every year, intended toward a vacation together. I think it’s sweet but would never expect anything.

My in-laws have a habit of trying to schedule other events and forget it’s our anniversary and are mad when we decline to spend our anniversary with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wedding anniversary is between spouses.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents give us a check every year, intended toward a vacation together. I think it’s sweet but would never expect anything.

My in-laws have a habit of trying to schedule other events and forget it’s our anniversary and are mad when we decline to spend our anniversary with them.

Haha, stay mad, bish!

“Judy, you can’t expect me to care that you’re upset we’re spending our anniversary alone. You do this every year. Just like Christmas is always December 25, our anniversary is always July 28. Deal with it.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents give us a check every year, intended toward a vacation together. I think it’s sweet but would never expect anything.

My in-laws have a habit of trying to schedule other events and forget it’s our anniversary and are mad when we decline to spend our anniversary with them.

I know this is a tangent but my MIL does this with my birthday, too. She'll ask us to come visit the weekend closest to my birthday, and we always decline because I we are planning to get go out for celebratory dinner or just get together with friends (and I also usually plan alone time while DH takes our DD out for some 1:1 time, which is probably my favorite part of my birthday). This has happened at least six times in the 12 years we've been together. But when my DH says "Oh we can't it's DW's birthday that weekend and we have plans," my MIL is instantly upset that I apparently don't want to spend my birthday visiting her. It's so weird! My own parents have never been upset that I don't spend my birthday with them. I have close friends I've known for 40 years who don't get upset about it. It is so weird to me that she seems fixated on making me spend a birthday with her. A mystery we'll never solve because we'll never do it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t expect anyone to remember my anniversary nor do I acknowledge anyone else’s unless they post about it on Facebook.

My sibling and I did throw a big party for our parents’ 50th, because that seemed like a pretty big deal and I’m super glad we did it given how many of their friends/our older relatives have passed away in the intervening 4 years.

I think my ILs have a 50th in a few years and if my H and his sibling wish to plan and execute we will pay for our half just like we did for my parents. But I am not organizing such a thing or suggesting it. That’s between him and his brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents give us a check every year, intended toward a vacation together. I think it’s sweet but would never expect anything.

My in-laws have a habit of trying to schedule other events and forget it’s our anniversary and are mad when we decline to spend our anniversary with them.

Haha, stay mad, bish!

“Judy, you can’t expect me to care that you’re upset we’re spending our anniversary alone. You do this every year. Just like Christmas is always December 25, our anniversary is always July 28. Deal with it.”

Ha! My anniversary is July 28- at first, in-laws would make a big deal and call and call and call until we finally picked up to say thank you, or would insist on trying to get us together to celebrate with them for our anniversary, then of course MIL makes a big show of trying to stop by to “drop something off” just as we got DC to bed. The best is for about 10 yrs BIL and SIL would send their 2 DC to stay with IL (BIL and SIL live hours away) over our anniversary weekend and ILs would never decline but not also watch DC at the same time. It’s obvious I don’t get along with MIL. The woman tried to sabotage every happy event for me and play innocent- I feel like yelling Lady! Enjoy your retirement and leave me alone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In another thread, a DIL was peeved that her ILs don't recognize her wedding anniversary. I have to say, I've never thought a wedding anniversary must be recognized by anyone other than the married couple themselves...

Do people really expect cards/gifts/recognition of their anniversary from anyone other than their spouse? Is this a thing?

One local resort gives couples a free 1 year anniversary stay of 1 night if they stayed there for their wedding. For our 1st a very long time ago, DH was away on business so my parents and I went out to dinner. For my married DC's 1st anniversary they'll get a dinner for the 2 of them at a fine restaurant from us. Whenever it's convenient for them and they can get a reservation. If they choose not to eat there then they keep the cash.

For my parents 50th, we sent flowers and then when visiting had dinner, got flowers for the table, and cake. Special meal in their dining room and they enjoyed their grandchildren. Regular years maybe a call and a card. One of my SIL's has huge demands on her adult children and their families for everything and it began with weddings so I feel for all of you with those sort of parents or inlaws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I threw a 50th anniversary party for my parents. My siblings and I truly won the lottery when it came to loving and supportive and hilarious/fun parents, and grandparents to our kids.

I had it out back the weekend of their anniversary with their closest friends and my aunts/uncles.

My yard isn't huge, but I had a small dance floor put in, a tent up (September and it poured the day before). My sister helped me decorate round tables, had catering, set up a bar and great music.

They danced to their first dance and my two young boys smiled on--giggling as my dad made faces at them.

It was a very special night.

Little did I know that my dad would be dead from an aggressive cancer 2 years later. We all really cherish that we had that party, the video of their dance and photos.

Similar in my family. Extended family (in other states) come together for milestone bdays, funerals, weddings, etc. Everyone is very close and have a lot of fun together.

Family is what is important in life and generations carrying on the love and support.

Maybe it's families that really value marriage--who knows? We have no divorces in our family--and people are happy!! Travel, get together, well-adjusted, no family grudges or estrangements.

I'm the OP. We don't have a single divorce in my mom's side of the family, which is what I was talking about (the side that threw the party for the grandparents at their 50th), and only one divorce on my dad's side. So we value marriage, and people are happy. We also travel, get together, are well-adjusted, and have no family grudges or estrangements. We get together for weddings, birthdays, funerals, etc. I'm just saying that outside of that big 50th wedding anniversary party, we don't send cards or typically acknowledge wedding anniversaries. I'm not sure how that equates to "we don't value marriage"?

I’m with you, OP. My family is close and supportive and wonderful but my parents celebrate their own anniversary by absentminded asking each other a month or three after the date “oh I guess we had another anniversary didn’t we?” No way would I expect them to remember much less celebrate mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wedding anniversary is between spouses.

+1

[Anonymous]

Weil you do the big one like 10, 25, 50.