My menstrual cycle is ruining my marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sorry if you mentioned this somewhere else in the thread but do you also have kids? I am going through something similar and I also have hormonal migraines that have become exponentially worse with perimenopause. When I say I have tried everything but a complete hysterectomy or chemical menopause I absolutely mean it.

One thing that I suspect compounds things is having babies later in life at the edge of perimenopause. Maybe just my anecdotal experience of 1, but with my history of PMS/PMDD, I also had PPD/PPA with my last two babies and a late first trimester loss between 36-39 and now am in the thick of having young kids while also dealing with all of this - it is a HUGE hormonal roller coaster in the span of 5-10 years. Not a recipe for a great marriage. I have a Mirena IUD that really helps with bleeding but I have no clue if the synthetic hormones are helping or hurting the psychological and physiological symptoms. Same as you, there are times when just looking at DH fills me with rage. Something as simple as him leaving the bathroom light on and I want to move to another country.

The ONE thing that I know helps me is super exertive cardiovascular exercise. Not a walk with a podcast or some yoga. Brutal, punishing, 45-60 minute death march (like HIIT with heavy lifting, very intense Peloton ride or run). It is the hardest thing to maintain and I hate to admit that after all the inputs I've tracked over time it's the one variable that has made a significant difference. And again, I have done all. the. things - multiple meds and supplements, multiple providers, holistic treatments, diet changes, therapy. I go to bed early and get up early to accommodate because I know if I don't something will happen to make me feel crappy enough to not get it done. I am a different person when I am not doing this regularly. Also, I track my cycles religiously with the simple app that's on my apple watch. They are pretty irregular but I have symptoms that offer some predictability and when I start to feel them I move into the guest room for a few nights. I make dinner and do all the kids bedtime stuff and then I retreat to my "menstruation hut".

I’m the PP before you and I had my kids youngish - age 27 and 29, and still had PMDD. But I do agree that with each subsequent pregnancy afterwards it got worse. I did the Mirena and it was awful for my moods, I had to come off after 4 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you looked into longer term hormonal birth control (IUD, shot, etc) if the low dose hormones help keep you on an even keel?

+1 highly recommend an IUD! And a good convo with your gyn on options. My sister is an OBGYN and she really likes to help women figure out the best birth control for them. On an IUD I almost never had periods. It took some months of cramping off and on and a little irregularity but then it was bliss.

If you have PMDD, the depo shot is literally the worst thing you can do for moods. Mirena can help with bleeding if that’s an issue but is more likely to make moods worse for PMDD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sorry if you mentioned this somewhere else in the thread but do you also have kids? I am going through something similar and I also have hormonal migraines that have become exponentially worse with perimenopause. When I say I have tried everything but a complete hysterectomy or chemical menopause I absolutely mean it.

One thing that I suspect compounds things is having babies later in life at the edge of perimenopause. Maybe just my anecdotal experience of 1, but with my history of PMS/PMDD, I also had PPD/PPA with my last two babies and a late first trimester loss between 36-39 and now am in the thick of having young kids while also dealing with all of this - it is a HUGE hormonal roller coaster in the span of 5-10 years. Not a recipe for a great marriage. I have a Mirena IUD that really helps with bleeding but I have no clue if the synthetic hormones are helping or hurting the psychological and physiological symptoms. Same as you, there are times when just looking at DH fills me with rage. Something as simple as him leaving the bathroom light on and I want to move to another country.

The ONE thing that I know helps me is super exertive cardiovascular exercise. Not a walk with a podcast or some yoga. Brutal, punishing, 45-60 minute death march (like HIIT with heavy lifting, very intense Peloton ride or run). It is the hardest thing to maintain and I hate to admit that after all the inputs I've tracked over time it's the one variable that has made a significant difference. And again, I have done all. the. things - multiple meds and supplements, multiple providers, holistic treatments, diet changes, therapy. I go to bed early and get up early to accommodate because I know if I don't something will happen to make me feel crappy enough to not get it done. I am a different person when I am not doing this regularly. Also, I track my cycles religiously with the simple app that's on my apple watch. They are pretty irregular but I have symptoms that offer some predictability and when I start to feel them I move into the guest room for a few nights. I make dinner and do all the kids bedtime stuff and then I retreat to my "menstruation hut".

I’m the PP before you and I had my kids youngish - age 27 and 29, and still had PMDD. But I do agree that with each subsequent pregnancy afterwards it got worse. I did the Mirena and it was awful for my moods, I had to come off after 4 months.

OP here. Thanks for the thoughtful and thorough response. You can imagine the last thing I want is to have major surgery! I do have kids and we are finished and DH had a vasectomy. The low dose pill was for managing heavy irregular periods but it’s been a few years so maybe it’s time to go off and see how things go.

FWIW, I did have pretty awful PPD with DC1, to the point I was suicidal and not as bad with DC2, but did have another episode 8 or so years ago when I felt suicidal again. That’s when I started Lexapro. Kids are tween and teen age now.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get you.
I definitely had PMDD.
BCPs, even low dose, can make anxiety and depression worse. It feels like this possibility is something health professionals gloss over, but these hormones can really mess you up. It seems like Hormonal BC is prescribed out of convenience more than actually improving womens’ health.

I had a uterine ablation several years ago at age 40. It was easy, and life-changing and I wish I’d done it sooner. Obviously it does not truly eliminate menstrual cycles, but makes them easier to deal with. I attribute my increased overall health and mood can be partially attributed to the fact that I am not bleeding like a stuck pig for several days out of every month.

Also, SSRIs can make matters worse especially with sex drive, which is important in a relationship! I’m a lesbian and my last partner used SSRIs and they really effed up her drive.

I’m 43 now and starting to fee a few possibly peri menopause changes, but overall, things are good.

My magic formula is: the ablation (not bleeding!), low dose Wellbutrin (I take about half of what is prescribed, since I’m sensitive), micro dose of hydroxyzine at night helps turn off anxious thoughts at night and pushes me over the edge so I can sleep all night. Sleep is super important. As long as I am getting enough sleep, the moods caused by my cycle are much easier to deal with. That, and limiting to 1 cup of coffee per day and limited alcohol consumption.