My menstrual cycle is ruining my marriage

[Anonymous]

We have been married for 18 years. My periods have always been irregular - on the pill or off. I finally realized about 3-4 years ago that there may be some connection to my insecurities and depression and my period and our marriage - and that depression, anxiety and insecurity renders itself in ways that negatively impact our marriage. That’s not to say he’s perfect - we both have stuff. But this feels like something that should be controllable - a variable we can take out of the equation. I am on a low dose pill (in my late 40s) and I take an anti-depressant. I track my periods but they are all over the place even on the pill.

Has anyone figured out a solution to the insanity that accompanies your period?

[Anonymous]

So I have irregular periods due to fibroids. I am on the oil and I take an ant anxiety medication. You may want to look into changing medications or adding a med.

Sometimes anxiety is misdiagnosed as depression.

Also therapy to learn to control your behavior.

You don't get into specifics, do I'm assuming here and I say this with love as someone who can relate but your cycle doesn't justify you treating someone badly , even if that person is your husband as we tend to excuse bad behavior when directed towards husband's.

So talk to your doctor to find out about changing meds I would look for someone who specializes in this as many primaries and gyns are useless in the matter

And a therapist/ psychiatrist or psychologist to help you develop strategies.

[Anonymous]

This is PMDD. You may need a different antidepressant.

[Anonymous]

Can you take a pill continuously so you don’t get a period? A period on the bill is a fake period designed to make women feel comfortable with birth control, but it’s not medically necessary. I do this with Yaz with great results. Nice and stable all month/year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you take a pill continuously so you don’t get a period? A period on the bill is a fake period designed to make women feel comfortable with birth control, but it’s not medically necessary. I do this with Yaz with great results. Nice and stable all month/year.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Have you looked into longer term hormonal birth control (IUD, shot, etc) if the low dose hormones help keep you on an even keel?

[Anonymous]

Buspar and uterine ablation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I have irregular periods due to fibroids. I am on the oil and I take an ant anxiety medication. You may want to look into changing medications or adding a med.

Sometimes anxiety is misdiagnosed as depression.

Also therapy to learn to control your behavior.

You don't get into specifics, do I'm assuming here and I say this with love as someone who can relate but your cycle doesn't justify you treating someone badly , even if that person is your husband as we tend to excuse bad behavior when directed towards husband's.

So talk to your doctor to find out about changing meds I would look for someone who specializes in this as many primaries and gyns are useless in the matter

And a therapist/ psychiatrist or psychologist to help you develop strategies.

.

Thanks for the feedback. I’m already in therapy. I think my challenge is that I don’t even know that that is what’s happening - when I get upset, angry etc. I can only see it days later (which is an improvement but still not where I’d like to be.) I get so frustrated by figuring it out days later but it seems like the damage is done - even if I apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you looked into longer term hormonal birth control (IUD, shot, etc) if the low dose hormones help keep you on an even keel?

I am due for an annual gyn appt later this spring but I think they have me on a low dose pill because of age and health history

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I have irregular periods due to fibroids. I am on the oil and I take an ant anxiety medication. You may want to look into changing medications or adding a med.

Sometimes anxiety is misdiagnosed as depression.

Also therapy to learn to control your behavior.

You don't get into specifics, do I'm assuming here and I say this with love as someone who can relate but your cycle doesn't justify you treating someone badly , even if that person is your husband as we tend to excuse bad behavior when directed towards husband's.

So talk to your doctor to find out about changing meds I would look for someone who specializes in this as many primaries and gyns are useless in the matter

And a therapist/ psychiatrist or psychologist to help you develop strategies.

.

Thanks for the feedback. I’m already in therapy. I think my challenge is that I don’t even know that that is what’s happening - when I get upset, angry etc. I can only see it days later (which is an improvement but still not where I’d like to be.) I get so frustrated by figuring it out days later but it seems like the damage is done - even if I apologize.

NP. What kind of damage? What are your behaviors? I’m not quite understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I have irregular periods due to fibroids. I am on the oil and I take an ant anxiety medication. You may want to look into changing medications or adding a med.

Sometimes anxiety is misdiagnosed as depression.

Also therapy to learn to control your behavior.

You don't get into specifics, do I'm assuming here and I say this with love as someone who can relate but your cycle doesn't justify you treating someone badly , even if that person is your husband as we tend to excuse bad behavior when directed towards husband's.

So talk to your doctor to find out about changing meds I would look for someone who specializes in this as many primaries and gyns are useless in the matter

And a therapist/ psychiatrist or psychologist to help you develop strategies.

.

Thanks for the feedback. I’m already in therapy. I think my challenge is that I don’t even know that that is what’s happening - when I get upset, angry etc. I can only see it days later (which is an improvement but still not where I’d like to be.) I get so frustrated by figuring it out days later but it seems like the damage is done - even if I apologize.

NP. What kind of damage? What are your behaviors? I’m not quite understanding.

I get incredibly anxious about our relationship, his behaviors - reading into things that aren’t there, picking fights as a result. Sometimes I just look at him and feel anger. So the damage is really just the ongoing routine erosion of our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you take a pill continuously so you don’t get a period? A period on the bill is a fake period designed to make women feel comfortable with birth control, but it’s not medically necessary. I do this with Yaz with great results. Nice and stable all month/year.

Same.

+2.

[Anonymous]

is hysterectomy a possible solution? You're in your later 40s, right? So I assume children aren't a goal. If you seriously think the hormonal changes brought on by your periods are ruining your marriage, considering surgery might not be as crazy as it sounds.

[Anonymous]

It’s just sad menstruation is never take seriously enough to find effective solutions. Women scientists need to make it their priority.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m 42 and totally understand. I have always had irregular periods due to pcos and I hate that when I’m deeply upset in my marriage, I never know if it’s “real” or my period coming—and even if I know it’s pmdd, there are still kernels of truth beneath the anguish. I have been able to regulate the cycles somewhat (about every 33-36 days) through cgm tracking so I at least know if I’m near that window.