Explain to my Grandpa Gender Indentity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's been watching Fox News and is trolling you.

Ted Cruz asked the recent Supreme Court nominee in her confirmation hearing "What is the definition of a woman?" and the nominee just sat there and didn't answer him.

Amazing that 88 year-old's have devolved into trolling their own family members.

You got this wrong tho. It wasn’t Cruz and the nominee who was asked replied that she’s “not a biologist.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - "gender bread person"

Sorry about that!

I love that infographic. One thing that I don’t understand though is that it says being a woman is related to things like hormone levels (which other people have mentioned here). But some people who were born men and have male hormones still identify as women.

Since we're specifically talking about trans women, I won't discuss trans men. A person can be transgender and not be on estrogen or transitioning. In most cases, transgender women want to be on estrogen. In some situations people don't transition for medical reasons. They can't do it because of some condition or they don't feel able to do it because they are deeply closeted and don't want to lose their family.

Typically trans women that are not going to transition just present as men to make social interactions easier. In fact, even transitioning people often do this. I am very concerned about how I am perceived by others and I don't want to make others uncomfortable so I dress like a man and present as a man for the most part. It hurts to do it but I do it none-the-less. At least for now. I mean at some point my growing breasts may become a problem and right now they're A's. With weather like we've been having, I wear a unisex hoodie with women's jeans and a women's tee-shirt and bralette underneath which is perfect for hiding my body from the world for now. My body changed much faster than my face (although it's definitely more feminine looking). It just takes time. Being trans is really rare so cisgendered people have never figured out that I'm trans when I'm dressed like a man. Trans people are obviously a different story. Even when I'm trying to look like a man, trans people often times see me and can tell. Obviously they're going to know the signs much better than anyone else. It's considered rude to mention it though. I saw a trans man at Giant and he saw me but neither of us said anything.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much, PP, for your thoughtful and honest reply. So can you explain what is that you are feeling that makes you feel like you aren't aligned with your assigned sex at birth?

I am completely supportive and wish I could personally make life easier for trans individuals because I know it must be tough.

Can you share how it feels to be misaligned with your assigned sex a birth? I really do want to understand better what it is you've experienced.

I have a nephew who is going through something similar, and his parents are not as understanding. They don't like me prying but I really want the opportunity to say, "I love you and support you and I am learning more about it to understand." I think the parents will come around, but as of right now they are scared, which comes out as angry and frustrated. They are going to see a family therapist which I hope will help.

[Anonymous]

Also, PP: do you think that gender bread man infographic rings true?

[Anonymous]

Sex is not "assigned" at birth, sex is recognized at birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because being a woman is different now than it was in 1950, which is different than it was in 1800.

Gender roles change, which means what aligns with being a woman changes.

It was easier to state what does it mean to be a woman pre-feminism, when gender roles were more black and white.

Now, what it means to be a woman doesn’t have to fit that narrow definition it was previously.

It is gender expression, and even though people don’t want labels and boxes, there are still some norms people embrace because otherwise there would no longer be a need for gender labels.

If someone said make a list or everything that makes you a woman I would say XX chromosomes and certain body parts and functions, but again that makes me female and not a woman.

I’m not a woman because I dress a certain way or I act a certain way. What makes me a woman is that I identify if with group of people who also use the label.

Because I identify different than my grandma did in the 1950s, we are having a different experience of what it means to be a woman.

Except that they do. Have you spoken to a young person recently? There’s a preponderance of labels. They seem to be embracing fluidity and extremely narrowly defined labels at the same time. Of course older people are going to be confused.

That is true, there seems like there is this push and pull, not wanting labels but then creating more. I think it is difficult to want to be label-less and wanting to belong at the same time.To belong you need a group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex is not "assigned" at birth, sex is recognized at birth.

Wrong.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_assignment

Get with it, Granny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is not "assigned" at birth, sex is recognized at birth.

Wrong.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_assignment

Get with it, Granny.

Ooooh, Wikipedia.

Look, youngster, I know what it's called and I think a better term is "recognized" (i.e., you see something and you recognize it) rather than "assigned" (i.e., you're arbitrarily assigned a house by the Sorting Hat).

[Anonymous]

Uh, uh! The sorting hat knows which house you belong to, but you DO have a say if you want one. Harry could have fit in Slytherin OR Gryffindor. He asked to be in Gryffindor.

It wouldn't have arbitrarily assigned him to Ravenclaw because he wasn't particularly clever or witty.

I'm pretty sure JK Rowling would love to hang out with OP's grandpa, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you so much, PP, for your thoughtful and honest reply. So can you explain what is that you are feeling that makes you feel like you aren't aligned with your assigned sex at birth?

I am completely supportive and wish I could personally make life easier for trans individuals because I know it must be tough.

Can you share how it feels to be misaligned with your assigned sex a birth? I really do want to understand better what it is you've experienced.

I have a nephew who is going through something similar, and his parents are not as understanding. They don't like me prying but I really want the opportunity to say, "I love you and support you and I am learning more about it to understand." I think the parents will come around, but as of right now they are scared, which comes out as angry and frustrated. They are going to see a family therapist which I hope will help.

In my case, I was closeted for a long time. I'm on hormones now. The HRT actually makes me feel better mentally in a way that a variety of anti-depressants were never able to. The changes to my body have been significant. I have small breasts and my figure is basically an hourglass now. I've never felt comfortable with the way my body was as a male presenting person. I never liked it. At one point I tried to work out and I got pretty muscular. After I built that muscle, I got out of the shower one day and the mirror was fogged up where my face was and I thought, wow he's hot (I'm bisexual and dated both men and women before transition) then the mirror cleared a bit and I saw my face and was immediately disgusted. From the time I first started getting facial hair, I hated it. I never attempted to grow a beard until right before I came out as transgender and even then I only kept it for a week. I remember looking into the mirror and seeing a man with a beard and thinking that he looked pretty good but it wasn't me. Obviously I knew it was me but it felt like a different person. In that moment it wouldn't have been surprising if the person in the mirror started moving around independently of me like in a horror movie. When I was a child, I wished every night to wake up a girl. As I got older it seemed like something I would never be able to do. I was suicidal at times but got help for that. As a teen, the boys would talk about how they wanted to sleep with the girls but all I could think was, I wanted to be them. I longed for my body to look like theirs. I hated what was happening to me. As I got older, it never went away. I repressed it but in many ways it got worse. Like water overflowing a dam. A lot of what I described is considered gender dysphoria. I believe other situations are depersonalization/derealization. Basically my entire life, from my first memories to right before I started to transition I wanted to be a girl. I didn't like being a man. I didn't enjoy any aspect of it. I didn't like the body I had and I didn't like the social interactions. I'm not 100% where I want to be yet but I feel a lot better just existing than I ever did at any point in my entire life up until now.

[Anonymous]

PP I cried reading your post. I can’t imagine how hard life has been and if I could reach through the computer and hug you I would.

You are so brave, and I am so happy you are feeling more at peace.

Would you mind sharing how your family reacted and what the did that helped vs made it worse?

I am the PP with the nephew mentioned above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you so much, PP, for your thoughtful and honest reply. So can you explain what is that you are feeling that makes you feel like you aren't aligned with your assigned sex at birth?

I am completely supportive and wish I could personally make life easier for trans individuals because I know it must be tough.

Can you share how it feels to be misaligned with your assigned sex a birth? I really do want to understand better what it is you've experienced.

I have a nephew who is going through something similar, and his parents are not as understanding. They don't like me prying but I really want the opportunity to say, "I love you and support you and I am learning more about it to understand." I think the parents will come around, but as of right now they are scared, which comes out as angry and frustrated. They are going to see a family therapist which I hope will help.

In my case, I was closeted for a long time. I'm on hormones now. The HRT actually makes me feel better mentally in a way that a variety of anti-depressants were never able to. The changes to my body have been significant. I have small breasts and my figure is basically an hourglass now. I've never felt comfortable with the way my body was as a male presenting person. I never liked it. At one point I tried to work out and I got pretty muscular. After I built that muscle, I got out of the shower one day and the mirror was fogged up where my face was and I thought, wow he's hot (I'm bisexual and dated both men and women before transition) then the mirror cleared a bit and I saw my face and was immediately disgusted. From the time I first started getting facial hair, I hated it. I never attempted to grow a beard until right before I came out as transgender and even then I only kept it for a week. I remember looking into the mirror and seeing a man with a beard and thinking that he looked pretty good but it wasn't me. Obviously I knew it was me but it felt like a different person. In that moment it wouldn't have been surprising if the person in the mirror started moving around independently of me like in a horror movie. When I was a child, I wished every night to wake up a girl. As I got older it seemed like something I would never be able to do. I was suicidal at times but got help for that. As a teen, the boys would talk about how they wanted to sleep with the girls but all I could think was, I wanted to be them. I longed for my body to look like theirs. I hated what was happening to me. As I got older, it never went away. I repressed it but in many ways it got worse. Like water overflowing a dam. A lot of what I described is considered gender dysphoria. I believe other situations are depersonalization/derealization. Basically my entire life, from my first memories to right before I started to transition I wanted to be a girl. I didn't like being a man. I didn't enjoy any aspect of it. I didn't like the body I had and I didn't like the social interactions. I'm not 100% where I want to be yet but I feel a lot better just existing than I ever did at any point in my entire life up until now.

Thanks for sharing your point of view. I'm glad that you are able to do what you need to feel better about yourself.

What do you think is needed for more tolerance of trans individuals in our society?
How do you feel about trans individuals such as Buck Angel or Caitlin Jenner who have different points of view on trans issues? Do you think they help or harm trans acceptance broadly?
Do you think there are any biological differences between transwomen like yourself and biological from birth women, or people who say this are hateful transphobes?

The only trans person I know (knew) is a detransitioner, so I feel like their viewpoints are unique and may not be aligned with the larger community. Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you so much, PP, for your thoughtful and honest reply. So can you explain what is that you are feeling that makes you feel like you aren't aligned with your assigned sex at birth?

I am completely supportive and wish I could personally make life easier for trans individuals because I know it must be tough.

Can you share how it feels to be misaligned with your assigned sex a birth? I really do want to understand better what it is you've experienced.

I have a nephew who is going through something similar, and his parents are not as understanding. They don't like me prying but I really want the opportunity to say, "I love you and support you and I am learning more about it to understand." I think the parents will come around, but as of right now they are scared, which comes out as angry and frustrated. They are going to see a family therapist which I hope will help.

In my case, I was closeted for a long time. I'm on hormones now. The HRT actually makes me feel better mentally in a way that a variety of anti-depressants were never able to. The changes to my body have been significant. I have small breasts and my figure is basically an hourglass now. I've never felt comfortable with the way my body was as a male presenting person. I never liked it. At one point I tried to work out and I got pretty muscular. After I built that muscle, I got out of the shower one day and the mirror was fogged up where my face was and I thought, wow he's hot (I'm bisexual and dated both men and women before transition) then the mirror cleared a bit and I saw my face and was immediately disgusted. From the time I first started getting facial hair, I hated it. I never attempted to grow a beard until right before I came out as transgender and even then I only kept it for a week. I remember looking into the mirror and seeing a man with a beard and thinking that he looked pretty good but it wasn't me. Obviously I knew it was me but it felt like a different person. In that moment it wouldn't have been surprising if the person in the mirror started moving around independently of me like in a horror movie. When I was a child, I wished every night to wake up a girl. As I got older it seemed like something I would never be able to do. I was suicidal at times but got help for that. As a teen, the boys would talk about how they wanted to sleep with the girls but all I could think was, I wanted to be them. I longed for my body to look like theirs. I hated what was happening to me. As I got older, it never went away. I repressed it but in many ways it got worse. Like water overflowing a dam. A lot of what I described is considered gender dysphoria. I believe other situations are depersonalization/derealization. Basically my entire life, from my first memories to right before I started to transition I wanted to be a girl. I didn't like being a man. I didn't enjoy any aspect of it. I didn't like the body I had and I didn't like the social interactions. I'm not 100% where I want to be yet but I feel a lot better just existing than I ever did at any point in my entire life up until now.

Thanks for sharing your point of view. I'm glad that you are able to do what you need to feel better about yourself.

What do you think is needed for more tolerance of trans individuals in our society?
How do you feel about trans individuals such as Buck Angel or Caitlin Jenner who have different points of view on trans issues? Do you think they help or harm trans acceptance broadly?
Do you think there are any biological differences between transwomen like yourself and biological from birth women, or people who say this are hateful transphobes?

The only trans person I know (knew) is a detransitioner, so I feel like their viewpoints are unique and may not be aligned with the larger community. Thanks for sharing.

What do you think is needed for more tolerance of trans individuals in our society?
We live in the DMV so it's not too bad here but in general it would be nice if people would just live and let live. Trans people are just regular people living normal lives. My life is boring. Probably more boring than yours.

How do you feel about trans individuals such as Buck Angel or Caitlin Jenner who have different points of view on trans issues?
Which trans issues are you referring to specifically that they differ with? I didn't really talk about any specific trans issues. These were my personal experiences about what my life has been like.

Do you think they help or harm trans acceptance broadly?
I don't know if they help trans acceptance or not.

Do you think there are any biological differences between transwomen like yourself and biological from birth women
Yes there are differences and no one knows these differences better than transgender people (trans women in this case since we're talking about me specifically). If I was assigned female at birth then I wouldn't need to transition.

or people who say this are hateful transphobes?
People aren't transphobic for saying that there are differences but the context matters. You are asking me to make very broad statements apropos of nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP I cried reading your post. I can’t imagine how hard life has been and if I could reach through the computer and hug you I would.

You are so brave, and I am so happy you are feeling more at peace.

Would you mind sharing how your family reacted and what the did that helped vs made it worse?

I am the PP with the nephew mentioned above.

I posted a reply but had it deleted because I felt uncomfortable with the level of detail I provided in it.

I'll say this, just being there for someone is so helpful.

[Anonymous]

I am a female. Woman is just a label for an adult female. But I identify with other woman based on our shared experiences, not just anatomy. I am part of that "group" because of social and culture upbringing.