Your spouse’s messed up family history effected your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my spouse's parents/family of origin lack emotional closeness. They are in frequent communication but only about surface-level things, which is how my spouse was raised. This in turn influenced the kinds of friendships my spouse was able to maintain. Not a lot of emotional intimacy in spite of being in frequent communication. So when spouse was in midlife crisis-mode due to the insanity of life/kids/jobs, there was no one to turn to to unpack all the emotions. This led to an ongoing affair and now I'm witnessing a total downward spiral. I think rock bottom is approaching. Of course this is the Cliff's Notes version, but I can see how family history is a factor in this and I hope to break that cycle with my own children.

I’m sorry, my spouse is in the spectrum and so are his parents and siblings so he grew up the same unconnected and unemotional way. And has no one to talk to and doesn’t talk much. I don’t think he’d have an affair because he has a floodgate of emotions to share and not with me or family… but he might just leave or have an affair because he has no relationship or value in any personal relationship so if someone flatters him a ton, he’s prob be a sitting, confused duck.

[Anonymous]

Ex also had a lot of unhealed childhood trauma - absent, narcissistic, cheating father and emotionally volatile, sometimes abusive mother. Never really addressed or recovered from it - it was all swept under the rug and denied until after we married and had kids, after which our marriage completely self-destructed given his inability to discuss anything, tell the truth, have self-knowledge, control his behavior, manage his anger, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex also had a lot of unhealed childhood trauma - absent, narcissistic, cheating father and emotionally volatile, sometimes abusive mother. Never really addressed or recovered from it - it was all swept under the rug and denied until after we married and had kids, after which our marriage completely self-destructed given his inability to discuss anything, tell the truth, have self-knowledge, control his behavior, manage his anger, etc.

+1

They always turn into their father unless they did a lot of therapy and admitted it had an effect on them.

Most men will think they can rise above it, suppress it and sweat they won’t be like him. Midlife they end up the same way. Hitting rock bottom sometimes make them finally address it, but some just keep moving on to the next thing.