Your spouse’s messed up family history effected your marriage?

[Anonymous]

What sort of problems you faced due to your spouse’s broken or damaged family?

[Anonymous]

There's a huge genetic component to mental illness

[Anonymous]

Mostly it was his mother. She didn't drive and demanded a lot of attention not understanding her kids had their own families. Every mother's day had to be at the same restaurant to honor her. At the last one I happened to be pregnant and we hadn't told anyone yet. I made sure to wear a outfit so there would be no question. And I announced it to everyone at the restaurant which I guess stole her thunder. I never understood those types. I would rather respect my kids and their families boundaries. It seemed like her goal was always to get my DH away from us.

I didn't let it affect me too much. I did my own thing and we moved farther away which solved a lot of problems. That's a option OP.

[Anonymous]

Not necessarily mental illness but divorce, alcoholism, financial irresponsibility type issues effect children as well.

[Anonymous]

My husband's father is a Vietnam vet with PTSD and his mother is a narcissist. FIL was physically abusive and emotionally absent when DH was little. MIL was overly involved but volatile and also abusive (mostly verbal and emotional). They divorced when DH was about 15, and the divorce was nasty and drawn out for several years, in a small town where everyone knows everyone else.

It affected our marriage in logistical ways (they cannot be in the same space together) early on. DH and his mom have seemingly always had a complicated relationship, but they had a relationship-ending conflict last summer - without explaining a lot of unnecessary details, MIL demonstrated some of the same verbal and emotional abuse that DH experienced toward our kids and when confronted, she got really angry and stormed out and hasn't communicated with either of us since the summer despite multiple attempts to repair. FIL came to see us shortly after, and he ended up sharing a lot about the issues he had with MIL before, during, and after the divorce and apologizing to DH for his abuse and absence when DH was a child.

[Anonymous]

Sister in law is a shopaholic. Very materialistic. Self centered. Went to Tysons II with her a few years ago and she bought a scarf for $1000 at one of those overpriced stores. It was literally just a scarf.

Mother in law is very controlling and always tells others what's wrong with them. Father in law is too easy going. Entire family YELLS WHEN THEY ARE TALKING instead of just speaking in a normal voice.

[Anonymous]

a $1000 scarf isn’t a big deal for some people. IMO you are the judgmental one. Let her live.

[Anonymous]

"Cut off their nose to spite their face" seems to be a multi-generational theme. Lack of family connection (partly due to extended family spread across three continents) means complete inability to understand my efforts to maintain connections in my small family. Spouse cuts off friends and family with ease, also a multi-generational trend. There seems to be a pervasive rejection of vulnerability...idiotic "stiff upper lip" BS.

[Anonymous]

Be mindful when dating, don’t want to add someone else’s heavy baggage to your own, there is only so much one can carry without breaking their back.

[Anonymous]

The generational legacy of alcoholism, his own father’s addiction that was never named or acknowledged, and the general suppression of communication that comes from being Southern. I really loved him but he ended up making a horrible husband. Very sad.

[Anonymous]

Strange relationship with money due to a financial trauma that happened to their parents.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Unequivocally yes. I try not to be resentful, but I think they did a really crappy job as parents. Both of DH’s parents are alcoholics. DH went away to college and fell off a ledge into alcoholism. It look him 2 treatment centers and living in a sober living house to get his life together. He said college environment would never work if he wanted to stay sober, so he got a skilled trade license. That forever changed the course of his life.

Both parents simultaneously ignored him and beat him - belts, wooden spoons. The beatings made him think that something must really be wrong with him if his parents wanted to hurt him so badly. This lead to low self esteem, and more addiction for him - gambled until he had to declare bankruptcy.

FIL was an untreated sex addict that had repeated affairs on his mom and encouraged DH to have sex as a teen. DH developed a sex addiction as an adult that almost ruined his life - think multiple prostitutes a night, multiple long term affair partners throughout the country.

DH is now sober. He has been through so much therapy to help him heal from all the childhood trauma. I want to gag when he praises his mom for her sobriety and speaks fondly of his deceased father. He’ll say - I have forgiven, maybe you can, too.

[Anonymous]

Mental illness: genetic predisposition and overwhelming stress at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a huge genetic component to mental illness

This. Bipolar and autism level 1. Never had experience with this before but now it’s like I have a psych PhD and have memorized the DSM.

[Anonymous]

You're going to meet broken men raised by angry single moms who took out all their rage against their XH on their helpless sons.