College and University Discussion board has become toxic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like reading “real talk”. If I wanted to be told my kid with a 1500 and a 3.9 and lots of AP classes who is nice but nothing special is definitely getting into Harvard, I’d ask my parents, who think he’s getting into Harvard and Yale.

But because of this forum, I know my kid is a dime of dozen (well, one of 100,000), and will do great at UMD or Michigan State or wherever he ends up.

Same here. My DH thought our 4.2 1440 DD could get in anywhere. Being on here has helped me show him he's being unrealistic. It's also brings us down to earth when kids with higher stats have gotten rejected from some of the same places DD has.

I did quit the forum for a while in the Fall. I posted something that led to 18 pages of vitriol, 95% of which was people misreading what I wrote or making wrong assumptions, which seems to be the MO of most DCUM posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like reading “real talk”. If I wanted to be told my kid with a 1500 and a 3.9 and lots of AP classes who is nice but nothing special is definitely getting into Harvard, I’d ask my parents, who think he’s getting into Harvard and Yale.

But because of this forum, I know my kid is a dime of dozen (well, one of 100,000), and will do great at UMD or Michigan State or wherever he ends up.

Same here. My DH thought our 4.2 1440 DD could get in anywhere. Being on here has helped me show him he's being unrealistic. It's also brings us down to earth when kids with higher stats have gotten rejected from some of the same places DD has.

I did quit the forum for a while in the Fall. I posted something that led to 18 pages of vitriol, 95% of which was people misreading what I wrote or making wrong assumptions, which seems to be the MO of most DCUM posters.

+3. I don't need someone on the internet to confirm to me that I have a great kid. He has a bunch of great qualities and is going to be a great adult. He also is not getting into a T20. I learned a lot about helping my kid build a list from this forum that was based in the experiences of other parents from this region.

[Anonymous]

There are a few people who post as if they are the authority on how all colleges do things and lambast anyone who shares observations or things they've heard that contradict them.

When those people are on a roll, I just close the browser and take a break for a while.

[Anonymous]

This is not a place to come to when you are coping rejection.

[Anonymous]

Your ire is directed at Disney, who has created a multi-tier system. They aren't "cutting the line" if they bought passes.

You are missing the larger point. It is a type and a mindset.

It is the time for government to step in and regulate Disney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like reading “real talk”. If I wanted to be told my kid with a 1500 and a 3.9 and lots of AP classes who is nice but nothing special is definitely getting into Harvard, I’d ask my parents, who think he’s getting into Harvard and Yale.

But because of this forum, I know my kid is a dime of dozen (well, one of 100,000), and will do great at UMD or Michigan State or wherever he ends up.

Same here. My DH thought our 4.2 1440 DD could get in anywhere. Being on here has helped me show him he's being unrealistic. It's also brings us down to earth when kids with higher stats have gotten rejected from some of the same places DD has.

I did quit the forum for a while in the Fall. I posted something that led to 18 pages of vitriol, 95% of which was people misreading what I wrote or making wrong assumptions, which seems to be the MO of most DCUM posters.

This is the part that drives me off from time to time. People who either lack reading comprehension or purposefully misconstrue what people say and/or make assumptions about things that weren't posted at all so they can accuse the poster of some crime or place blame where none is warranted. I do think a lot of it has to do with wanting to pretend that the process isn't really random and they really do have control and their kid will "win" because they are smarter than the poster and will avoid the *obvious* pitfalls that the OP fell into.

I often think of the thread on here years ago about a mother who was hit by a truck while putting her child into her minivan in the car pool line, and there were pages and pages of posts alternately blaming the mother for her carelessness and the driver for his negligence (I don't know how the whole thing came out, but, at the time, there was no evidence that the driver was speeding, etc). Very very few posters on here seemed willing to even consider that the incident may have just been a terrible, random accident. The fact that random bad things happen to good, smart people is too scary to countenance.

[Anonymous]

I've been on DCUM since 2004, when it had an email listserv format option.

I stay because even with the eye-watering toxicity, DCUM will give you kernels of really, really useful and truthful information that you can't get anywhere else (unless you have 1,000 friends IRL and you talk to all of them, constantly). The College forum is a textbook case for this, along with a few others like Private Schools. DCPS Schools, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been on DCUM since 2004, when it had an email listserv format option.

I stay because even with the eye-watering toxicity, DCUM will give you kernels of really, really useful and truthful information that you can't get anywhere else (unless you have 1,000 friends IRL and you talk to all of them, constantly). The College forum is a textbook case for this, along with a few others like Private Schools. DCPS Schools, too.

Same — I remember the listserve emails well. Every time I think I should quit DCUM because people are so darn mean, I come across an extremely useful bit of information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been on DCUM since 2004, when it had an email listserv format option.

I stay because even with the eye-watering toxicity, DCUM will give you kernels of really, really useful and truthful information that you can't get anywhere else (unless you have 1,000 friends IRL and you talk to all of them, constantly). The College forum is a textbook case for this, along with a few others like Private Schools. DCPS Schools, too.

Me too, since that’s when my baby who just got into college was born.

[Anonymous]

I’m convinced it’s a small number of people repeatedly posting negative stuff. It sounds very similar. I even see them in the travel forum where people are attacking a poster for traveling with kids. It’s really bizarre. I think anonymous forums like this just draw some very unhappy people trying to make others unhappy. If we ignore them, they’re more likely to go away. I wish they’d be blocked, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m convinced it’s a small number of people repeatedly posting negative stuff. It sounds very similar. I even see them in the travel forum where people are attacking a poster for traveling with kids. It’s really bizarre. I think anonymous forums like this just draw some very unhappy people trying to make others unhappy. If we ignore them, they’re more likely to go away. I wish they’d be blocked, though.

I’ve identified a few posters here in my personal life—the Holton/Princeton rowing mom, the Oberlin/TJ/Chantilly mom, etc

[Anonymous]

Of course there will be toxic threads on an anonymous forum. however there are also fantastic threads. recently there was one on this section giving advice to junior parents and it was a goldmine of helpful info. wish i had had that last year.

[Anonymous]

I guess I’m used to general DCUM hostility, because as a parent of a junior I have somewhat recently started frequenting this forum and have found it enormously helpful. When people start sniping over some stupid issue I skim past those posts.

I have gained a lot of valuable insights here and am grateful to those posters. The others can go fly a kite on a tree filled quad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been on DCUM since 2004, when it had an email listserv format option.

I stay because even with the eye-watering toxicity, DCUM will give you kernels of really, really useful and truthful information that you can't get anywhere else (unless you have 1,000 friends IRL and you talk to all of them, constantly). The College forum is a textbook case for this, along with a few others like Private Schools. DCPS Schools, too.

Me too, since that’s when my baby who just got into college was born.

Me three!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m convinced it’s a small number of people repeatedly posting negative stuff. It sounds very similar. I even see them in the travel forum where people are attacking a poster for traveling with kids. It’s really bizarre. I think anonymous forums like this just draw some very unhappy people trying to make others unhappy. If we ignore them, they’re more likely to go away. I wish they’d be blocked, though.

The worst are the people who assume the OP has ulterior motives. You see this all the time in the relationships forum. Someone complains about their MIL or SIL and invariably it gets turned on the OP that she’s really the one at fault. It really could not be less supportive.