How do you make a 14-year-old brush their teeth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to stand over him and watch him do it. I would also say no treat food until he is brushing his teeth properly. Remember you are the adult, he may be angry but that doesn't mean you should back down.

NP here. 14 year olds don't depend on their parents for access to treat foods. That kind of advice is for five year-olds.

I just meant around the house. He is behaving like a 5 year old...

Are you suggesting OP lock treats in the car? Install locks on the cabinet and fridge? Where would these treats at home be where the kid can’t get them until after brushing? My middle schooler is much taller than me so I can’t exactly put them in the top cabinet.

I think that poster was suggesting just not buying candy and junk food. As in, no sugary foods. But why don't you suggest a solution rather than shooting down other people's suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to stand over him and watch him do it. I would also say no treat food until he is brushing his teeth properly. Remember you are the adult, he may be angry but that doesn't mean you should back down.

NP here. 14 year olds don't depend on their parents for access to treat foods. That kind of advice is for five year-olds.

I just meant around the house. He is behaving like a 5 year old...

Are you suggesting OP lock treats in the car? Install locks on the cabinet and fridge? Where would these treats at home be where the kid can’t get them until after brushing? My middle schooler is much taller than me so I can’t exactly put them in the top cabinet.

I think that poster was suggesting just not buying candy and junk food. As in, no sugary foods. But why don't you suggest a solution rather than shooting down other people's suggestions?

That's what I meant, thank you pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to stand over him and watch him do it. I would also say no treat food until he is brushing his teeth properly. Remember you are the adult, he may be angry but that doesn't mean you should back down.

NP here. 14 year olds don't depend on their parents for access to treat foods. That kind of advice is for five year-olds.

I just meant around the house. He is behaving like a 5 year old...

Are you suggesting OP lock treats in the car? Install locks on the cabinet and fridge? Where would these treats at home be where the kid can’t get them until after brushing? My middle schooler is much taller than me so I can’t exactly put them in the top cabinet.

I think that poster was suggesting just not buying candy and junk food. As in, no sugary foods. But why don't you suggest a solution rather than shooting down other people's suggestions?

I did. I am also the poster that reminds my kid people will remember him because he smelled. That approach isn’t for everyone.

Okay, I understand limit the food in the house but as others pointed out kids this age don’t eat most of the sugary stuff and sweets at home. I could take away the cash and my middle schooler could still get plenty at school or after school from friends. He’s out at 2, long before I’m home from work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has been an ongoing problem since puberty. Wakes up at six to make the (obscenely early schoolbus), messes around, then runs out the door saying "I don't have time!" Sometimes he goes so far as to run the electric toothbrush in the bathroom *without actually brushing* so we'll THINK he brushed his teeth. We've tried several different kinds of brush and toothpaste; none make a difference. Occasionally he'll use his fluoride wash instead of brushing. We've tried a waterpik; no dice.

The worst part is that he has braces, so he really really needs to be brushing. But short of standing over him in the bathroom twice a day, which makes him really angry and then he'll refuse to brush at all, what should we do? He doesn't have sensory issues. It's just some weird mental block. Heeeeeeelp.

Take him to the orthodontist, and ask for their opinion. Maybe it's not as bad as you think (my kid was often lax about morning or night brushing and the ortho always said he looked not great, but ok). If it's terrible, ask what will happen if he doesn't improve. I'm guessing at some point they will recommend removing the braces. At that point I would tell my kid they can either shape up, or miss their chance of having me pay for braces because if they come off, I'm not paying again. Or I would say WTF, I'm taking your phone every morning and evening and will hand it back to you after I watch you brush your teeth.

I mean, it's a task that is fully within his capabilities, OP. You've tried the gentle solutions. At some point you just have to dig in. My guess is that after one embarrassing meeting with the dental hygienist, he might shape up. Kids say and do things in front of their parents that they are too embarrassed to repeat in front of other adults. It's like they revert to their 3 year old selves with us, the same way we revert to our teenage selves with our parents.

[Anonymous]

Try natural consequences

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't have a teeth brushing issue, he has an organization and executive functioning issue. Agree that for some period of time you are going to have to supervise more closely, not just the teeth brushing but the morning routine. But I wouldn't stand over him while he brushes. I'd start sitting down with him in the evening before bed and saying "Ok, what's your list for what you have to do tomorrow before school?" and watch him write it out, including brushing his teeth. Then tell him to estimate how long he needs for each thing, and provide feedback if he's underestimating ("I think you should allocate at least 5 minutes to brushing teeth, hair, and just making sure you look okay in the mirror. That way you won't feel rushed on this part since it's something that gets missed a lot."). Then use the times to figure out when he has to get up. Build in a buffer and be explicit about this -- "Let's add another 10 minutes just to make sure you're not in a rush." This is a good habit in general. That's what this is about. Teaching good habits.

You take that list with the times and you pin it to the inside of his bedroom door. Make sure he gets up at the time you figured he needed to. Initially, you need to supervise. Stay nearby and as he does things, remind him to check his list. If he gets distracted by his phone or something else, interrupt: "Ok, phone time isn't on the list. What's next?" Stay on him.

Do this for a couple weeks and you will be able to ease off. Once he feels what it's like to not be rushing constantly, he will start doing it on his own.

Bonus: once he realizes the benefit of getting up early, knowing in advance what must get done, and doing it without distraction, he will probably wind up with an extra 5-10 minute many mornings to sit and do phone time before you leave. And he'll also learn that time is more relaxing when he's not worried about packing his bag, brushing his teeth, or listening to his parent nag him about it.

This is how kids learn.

NP. Your post is super patronizing and kind of annoying. If he can stand in the bathroom and run his toothbrush and not actually brush his teeth...he has the time to brush his teeth.

It’s a power thing though. He’s refusing to brush his teeth because he’s being told to brush his teeth. If you make it about him taking charge if getting himself ready, you aren’t telling him to brush his teeth anymore— he’s telling himself to do it.

[Anonymous]

Consequences and get one of the toothbrushes that monitors the brushing and sends you a report.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try natural consequences

Not when OP is on the hook for the dental bills.

[Anonymous]

Tell him he's nasty, because he is. No one will ever want to kiss him with trash mouth.

I know someone who used to be a dentist in the Navy. Men (it's always men) would go on 6 month deployments and not think to bring a toothbrush and toothpaste, so they would just go without. The number of people who don't brush regularly is appalling.

[Anonymous]

When kids act like 3 year olds, you treat them the same way. For me, the new normal would be that I supervise the teeth brushing. EVERYDAY. Everything else in this child ‘s life would STOP until this situation improved dramatically.

[Anonymous]

It is weird that his own bad breath isn't grossing him out when he wears his mask. Is something wrong with his sense of smell or his breathing?

[Anonymous]

DS was a bit younger, but I had the best luck putting a second water flosser and toothbrush off the kitchen, so he would do it in a public area after eating before heading upstairs. Otherwise, once he was out of sight and on his own he would get distracted and them lie about it. Pretty much anything is more fun than brushing yet again! We had a mudroom at the time, and so I removed the cabinet above the sink and put a mirror, and had an outlet installed for the waterpik. That was nice because I was usually busy in the kitchen and could hear what was going on, but I was not really "standing over him".

These days I do hand him a Xylitol mint as he walks out the door, just in case. (Epic brand).

[Anonymous]

Definitely call ahead at ortho office and have them lecture him. Pay ( if you have to) for frequent hygiene checks at orthodontist. A good orthodontist will remove braces if poor hygiene is causing too much gingivitis or decay. Google demineralization and braces and show him the photos- brown and white spots and holes. Tell him that bacteria are essentially crapping in his mouth- get disclosing tablets to show him where the plaque is. Tell him his breath stinks. I would personally brush his teeth and include a fluoride rinse after until he can prove he is capable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try natural consequences

Not when OP is on the hook for the dental bills.

Kid pays the dental bill. Christmas money? Great! Enjoy your filling!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't have a teeth brushing issue, he has an organization and executive functioning issue. Agree that for some period of time you are going to have to supervise more closely, not just the teeth brushing but the morning routine. But I wouldn't stand over him while he brushes. I'd start sitting down with him in the evening before bed and saying "Ok, what's your list for what you have to do tomorrow before school?" and watch him write it out, including brushing his teeth. Then tell him to estimate how long he needs for each thing, and provide feedback if he's underestimating ("I think you should allocate at least 5 minutes to brushing teeth, hair, and just making sure you look okay in the mirror. That way you won't feel rushed on this part since it's something that gets missed a lot."). Then use the times to figure out when he has to get up. Build in a buffer and be explicit about this -- "Let's add another 10 minutes just to make sure you're not in a rush." This is a good habit in general. That's what this is about. Teaching good habits.

You take that list with the times and you pin it to the inside of his bedroom door. Make sure he gets up at the time you figured he needed to. Initially, you need to supervise. Stay nearby and as he does things, remind him to check his list. If he gets distracted by his phone or something else, interrupt: "Ok, phone time isn't on the list. What's next?" Stay on him.

Do this for a couple weeks and you will be able to ease off. Once he feels what it's like to not be rushing constantly, he will start doing it on his own.

Bonus: once he realizes the benefit of getting up early, knowing in advance what must get done, and doing it without distraction, he will probably wind up with an extra 5-10 minute many mornings to sit and do phone time before you leave. And he'll also learn that time is more relaxing when he's not worried about packing his bag, brushing his teeth, or listening to his parent nag him about it.

This is how kids learn.

NP. Your post is super patronizing and kind of annoying. If he can stand in the bathroom and run his toothbrush and not actually brush his teeth...he has the time to brush his teeth.

It’s a power thing though. He’s refusing to brush his teeth because he’s being told to brush his teeth. If you make it about him taking charge if getting himself ready, you aren’t telling him to brush his teeth anymore— he’s telling himself to do it.

Do you have a teen? For real? My son would laugh in my face. I’m just brutally honest. Hey, you have tarter all over your teeth. I can literally see a piece of tomato stick in there. Gross. What do you think people are going to think/say about you. I’d warn my kid about getting cavities…and if they get one from gross negligence…they get to make the co-pay.