Is it ever okay to tease or make fun of something for their appearance?

[Anonymous]

No. Justify it or laugh it away all you want. There is nothing about making fun of someone’s appearance that is anything but unkind.

[Anonymous]

No Op
And I'd go further and say, watch out re: any sarcasm. That's a slippery slope. It's usually not a good look.

[Anonymous]

This is totally common and accepted in my circle of friends. But there are unspoken rules. Nothing that is traditionally sensitive (ugliness, fatness). One person gets made fun of for their long arms. My hair got incredibly long in pandemic and they call it my “Amish hair.” Teasing about big boobs reaching stripper proportions in pregnancy. Stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Justify it or laugh it away all you want. There is nothing about making fun of someone’s appearance that is anything but unkind.

It should never be done unprovoked but sometime it is justified in terms of rebutting bad behavior with humor.

Also as pp noted, it can be fine between friends in lighthearted way as long as not mean.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who used to joke about my appearance. It was really hurtful and I told her this, not in a dramatic way but just to say "it makes me feel bad when you talk about me like this, and I don't like feeling bad when I'm with my friends." She dug in really hard, claiming it was just a joke, that I misunderstood, etc. But it wasn't any of that. She was teasing me about my looks, it made me feel bad (I would say I'm an average about of vain, in that I do care about my looks but am not over-sensitive about them), she should have stopped. Her refusal to stop, and her refusal to acknowledge that my past hurt was justified, destroyed our friendship.

I think if you think it is okay under certain circumstances to make fun of someone for their appearance, you need to ask yourself what you would do if this person confronted you and asked you to stop. If you would, then I think probably you have a decent understanding of the limits of something like this. If you're response would be along the lines of "it's just a joke, get a sense of humor" I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you're a bully and you have some work to do on yourself.

[Anonymous]

i think the 30 minute rule makes sense. if someone is just ugly or has a big nose, you shouldn't make fun of them. if they have a ridiculous hair style, fair game.

something they can not easily change about themselves, why should they be made fun of for something like that. ridiculous choices, sure, go ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No Op
And I'd go further and say, watch out re: any sarcasm. That's a slippery slope. It's usually not a good look.

+1

[Anonymous]

Yes if it’s something they can control. For instance my family makes fun of each other’s morning bed head hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think even making fun of trump’s appearance is not okay because it can hurt others. I see people make fun of his weight or his hair, but when you call someone fat as an insult, that adds to toxic attitudes about fat people in general. Even someone who also hates trump coujj oh d hear that and be reminded that people think their body is bad or worthy of ridicule.

There are lots of valid reasons to make fun of trump. Focusing on his appearance feels lazy and cheap.

Related: I know a man who claims to be a progressive feminist. But when talking about how much he dislikes conservatives, and especially conservative women, he will focus on their appearance. Criticizing weight, their clothes, makeup, or features. Every time I hear it, I think about how he probably thinks these things often about all kinds of women, because the insults are very vicious. But he thinks he can get away with saying it out loud if the woman he targets is a Trump voter or a Fox News host or something. I find it very revealing.

If your first thought when you think if someone you dislike is: fat/ugly/poorly dressed, you might want to ask yourself why. Is “fascist/racist/morally bankrupt/selfish/opportunist/willfully ignorant/etc.” not good enough for you? Why? What does this say about what you value in others?

Yes to all of this!!!

[Anonymous]

Trump yes, everyone else no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trump yes, everyone else no.

So you let Donald Trump, whom you despise, set your moral compass for you? I'm not sure I'd brag on that.

[Anonymous]

Only among immediate family members where we know we love each other and there is no ill will - I'm fat and my kids touch my cheeks and call me puffy cheeks teasingly. I don't mind. I retort with saying they have squirrel teeth and they get annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe we need to evaluate why we think someone is unattractive. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Because we beholding them and they be ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think the 30 minute rule makes sense. if someone is just ugly or has a big nose, you shouldn't make fun of them. if they have a ridiculous hair style, fair game.

something they can not easily change about themselves, why should they be made fun of for something like that. ridiculous choices, sure, go ahead.

This sounds reasonable but actually is just as vicious as someone who makes fun of someone for having a big nose. Who are you to judge someone else's hairstyle of clothes? Really, what are your credentials here? Some of the people I've known who were quickest to criticize someone else's appearance were people with what I consider to be bad taste, and I often view it as a mark of someone's insecurity about their own appearance if they feel the need to criticize others.

I think 15-20 years ago most people felt the way you do, but it's out of step with the times. People have wised up to the idea that saying unkind things about people for no reason is actually kind of awful. It's one thing to criticize for something that actually impacts you, for their behavior. But making fun of someone's appearance just seems tacky and low class to me. I'd much rather hang out with someone with ridiculous hair than someone who feels like that's a good reason to make fun of someone.

[Anonymous]

No. The only time I would justify it is when the person in question has made fun of others appearance first (example: Trump).