Having two kids *is* harder!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could anyone doubt this? It's common sense.

Beware friends who tell you to have more kids because they had more and "it's really not a big deal." They are lying and they want you to have more kids so that they won't be the only ones. If you are considering having more kids and ask friends with more what it's like, they better start with "Well of course more kids means more expenses and more time pressure. But also..." They probably are happy with their choice but if they aren't willing to start by acknowledging that OF COURSE more kids is more work, they are sugarcoating and can't be trusted.

Also, people with multiple kids forget what it was like to only have one, or only had one for a short period (during which they were first time parents and may have felt overwhelmed anyway), so they often can't really compare. They think they've had both experiences but unless there was a big age gap, they probably haven't really. They only know more kids, not fewer.

Why would they lie? misery loves company?

NP and I think so yes! I feel like no one was very honest with me about having one child - everyone talked about how great it was - no one talked about how hard it was. Now I am wise to the scheme and am sticking to my one child.

[Anonymous]

I’m one of those people that disagrees - I have a 3.5 year old and a 6 week old now. It’s fine not harder but the same. My first rocked my world. Now I eat fast again coffee is cold again we entertain spider man games and make a million snacks added in is a newborn attached to my boob but we’re not talking going from leisurely restaurant meals and sleeping in to parenthood like the first child experience. I do worry 3.5 is too far apart we’ll see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could anyone doubt this? It's common sense.

Beware friends who tell you to have more kids because they had more and "it's really not a big deal." They are lying and they want you to have more kids so that they won't be the only ones. If you are considering having more kids and ask friends with more what it's like, they better start with "Well of course more kids means more expenses and more time pressure. But also..." They probably are happy with their choice but if they aren't willing to start by acknowledging that OF COURSE more kids is more work, they are sugarcoating and can't be trusted.

Also, people with multiple kids forget what it was like to only have one, or only had one for a short period (during which they were first time parents and may have felt overwhelmed anyway), so they often can't really compare. They think they've had both experiences but unless there was a big age gap, they probably haven't really. They only know more kids, not fewer.

Why would they lie? misery loves company?

NP and I think so yes! I feel like no one was very honest with me about having one child - everyone talked about how great it was - no one talked about how hard it was. Now I am wise to the scheme and am sticking to my one child.

I don't think people lie except maybe to themselves. Professionally, it was clearly the stupidest thing in the world to have a kid, but 99.9999999% of the time I just focus on the joy she brings me and tell everyone it was totally worth it. Totally have choice-justification bias.

[Anonymous]

It's at least 3 times the work of 1. But eventually they entertain each other, at least some of the time.

It's a slog. The first year was hard. Mine are 2 years apart. It didn't really get easier until the older was 4. But for you, I don't know. It will take a year for the older one to settle in that this is their life now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a 4 year age gap is really hard. A 2 year age gap is easier.

+1

what is OP suppose to do with this information?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a 4 year age gap is really hard. A 2 year age gap is easier.

+1

what is OP suppose to do with this information?

Nothing, but what is the point of posting on DCUM if not to get high on the smugness that your decisions are correct and any that differs is an idiot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a 4 year age gap is really hard. A 2 year age gap is easier.

+1

what is OP suppose to do with this information?

Or the person who said just have 1. Uhm ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine are almost two years apart. It was incredibly hard for the first year but so easy ever since. Once your past infancy, I think it is easier to have two. At least if they get along ….

Ha, says someone who has no first hand experience parenting one elementary aged kid. Trust me, it's not.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids 3.5 years apart. It was hard when the second came, absolutely! But I am happy with this age gap. My older one can sit down at a table and facetime with Grandma while I put the baby to bed. He can play independently for a while too. Can't say the same if he was only 2 or under.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a 4 year age gap is really hard. A 2 year age gap is easier.

Having experienced both, I disagree.

How can you have two kids and experience both? Puzzled.

- dp

I have three

Say more. How old are your kids?
I have 4, with 1 4 year separation and 2, 2-year separations. I find that usually the 2 year is easier but it depends on the kids' ages and personalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a 4 year age gap is really hard. A 2 year age gap is easier.

Nope. We had a 2 year gap and I remember beating up my little brother until he had a growth spurt in high school and grew to be 6'3. My boys have a 5 year gap and they get along so well. My brother's boys are 2 years apart and I'm amazed that no bones have been broken so far. I don't think it's because of the testosterone, because my SIL's twins used to bite each other and right now, as teenagers, the cattiness and the insults are reaching extreme levels. IMO, a larger age gap lessens the competition.

[Anonymous]

I love how people think their one - two year experiences explain how it all works. It's the same people who have 1-3 kids and think they are completely responsible for how their kids turned out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids 3.5 years apart. It was hard when the second came, absolutely! But I am happy with this age gap. My older one can sit down at a table and facetime with Grandma while I put the baby to bed. He can play independently for a while too. Can't say the same if he was only 2 or under.

This is us too. We have a 3.5 gap. And by the time the little one was 1 and oldest was 4.5 it was much easier. And now at 2.5 and 6 they are taking a bath together. Eat the same things, dress together etc. in our case the girls are best buds and the oldest is really helpful and the little one is a firecracker. I can spend time with the oldest when the little one naps and after bedtime every night we have a special hour one on one with a parent and her choice of books and play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could anyone doubt this? It's common sense.

Beware friends who tell you to have more kids because they had more and "it's really not a big deal." They are lying and they want you to have more kids so that they won't be the only ones. If you are considering having more kids and ask friends with more what it's like, they better start with "Well of course more kids means more expenses and more time pressure. But also..." They probably are happy with their choice but if they aren't willing to start by acknowledging that OF COURSE more kids is more work, they are sugarcoating and can't be trusted.

Also, people with multiple kids forget what it was like to only have one, or only had one for a short period (during which they were first time parents and may have felt overwhelmed anyway), so they often can't really compare. They think they've had both experiences but unless there was a big age gap, they probably haven't really. They only know more kids, not fewer.

Why would they lie? misery loves company?

This, and also they are trying to convince themselves they made the right choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are almost two years apart. It was incredibly hard for the first year but so easy ever since. Once your past infancy, I think it is easier to have two. At least if they get along ….

Ha, says someone who has no first hand experience parenting one elementary aged kid. Trust me, it's not.

I disagree. I have two in elementary school and a 3 year old. Apart from activities and homework, it is much easier than having infants/toddlers (and in my opinion much more fun).