Having two kids *is* harder!

[Anonymous]

2 is horrible for a couple years. Then it's good

[Anonymous]

My two are 3 years apart and things that helped me:

Older DC was in a full day Montessori preschool so I was able to focus on just the baby.

Older DC is also the kind of kid that was perfectly happy to play or read a book independently (younger dc is NOT).

Occasional mother’s helper or babysitter for the baby just so I could get some things done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could anyone doubt this? It's common sense.

Beware friends who tell you to have more kids because they had more and "it's really not a big deal." They are lying and they want you to have more kids so that they won't be the only ones. If you are considering having more kids and ask friends with more what it's like, they better start with "Well of course more kids means more expenses and more time pressure. But also..." They probably are happy with their choice but if they aren't willing to start by acknowledging that OF COURSE more kids is more work, they are sugarcoating and can't be trusted.

Also, people with multiple kids forget what it was like to only have one, or only had one for a short period (during which they were first time parents and may have felt overwhelmed anyway), so they often can't really compare. They think they've had both experiences but unless there was a big age gap, they probably haven't really. They only know more kids, not fewer.

This is absolutely correct. We have a very big age gap and everyone with the small (meaning under 4 years or so) age gap just does not know what it is like with one older child. Unless you get to age 4-5 with one child, you really can't compare whether it's "easier" to have one or two older kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm always confused by those who think that double the amount of children would somehow be unnoticeable or easier.

Of course it's harder, more expensive and time consuming.

[Anonymous]

You're right, OP. It's harder. And for people who told me, when I was pregnant with my 4th, oh well, if you've managed 3, what's 1 more? I'll tell you - it's 1 more! 4 is harder than 3 - more work!

Now that they're older 4 is easier than 2 (no one expects to have things EXACTLY fair and equal, they are better at sharing, more chill about things), but when they were little? oof.

[Anonymous]

^mine were all 2-2.5 years apart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a 4 year age gap is really hard. A 2 year age gap is easier.

+1

[Anonymous]

Mine are almost two years apart. It was incredibly hard for the first year but so easy ever since. Once your past infancy, I think it is easier to have two. At least if they get along ….

[Anonymous]

You think 2's hard. Try 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a 4 year age gap is really hard. A 2 year age gap is easier.

+1

4-years-older sibling here. I could see it. My mom did the bigger age gap because she didn't want two in diapers simultaneously, but she was constantly having to drive to two different schools, dragging my brother to the older kid stuff or me to the baby stuff, etc. And she prolonged her total time with kids <18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could anyone doubt this? It's common sense.

Beware friends who tell you to have more kids because they had more and "it's really not a big deal." They are lying and they want you to have more kids so that they won't be the only ones. If you are considering having more kids and ask friends with more what it's like, they better start with "Well of course more kids means more expenses and more time pressure. But also..." They probably are happy with their choice but if they aren't willing to start by acknowledging that OF COURSE more kids is more work, they are sugarcoating and can't be trusted.

Also, people with multiple kids forget what it was like to only have one, or only had one for a short period (during which they were first time parents and may have felt overwhelmed anyway), so they often can't really compare. They think they've had both experiences but unless there was a big age gap, they probably haven't really. They only know more kids, not fewer.

They’re not lying, they’re taking advantage of the older one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine are almost two years apart. It was incredibly hard for the first year but so easy ever since. Once your past infancy, I think it is easier to have two. At least if they get along ….

+1. First six months especially were some serious he’ll - juggling a not quite 2 year old and an infant… but now they’re preschoolers and entertain one another.

[Anonymous]

Of course two is harder than 1. Just that it’s not twice as hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, I have 3!

And I agree, it was easier having a 2 year age gap. The second and third are 3.5 years apart and it's worse in a lot of ways.

If people ask for my advice I tell them to have as many kids as they want in rapid succession then be done with it.

NO. When it comes time for drivers licenses, cars and college tuition that litter in rapid succession is going to get really expensive.

[Anonymous]

Just have one kid. It's so easy. You can travel. You can shoot the wad entertaining one and you will be done in 22 years.