If you have adult kids who live a distance away

[Anonymous]

I live on the other side of the country from my parents. My siblings all live within an hour of them. I have a better, more respectful relationship with my parents than my siblings do. They may be "closer" but there is more resentment and conflict for them. I feel that when we visit there is always someone who is upset about something, someone who refuses to come to a family dinner or event because of an unresolved issue. It used to be more stuff between my siblings, but over time it's just become focused on my parents, with lots conflict centering on health issues.

I think if you have a good relationship with your parents, you have a good relationship no matter where you live. Especially now with cell phones, FaceTime, more readily available travel, etc. And if you don't have a good relationship, no amount of proximity will fix that.

I also think some parents/kids are just never going to be really close. I wouldn't say my parents and I are very close. We never have been. But they are my parents and my kids grandparents and I care about them and want them in my life. We are very different people and we're never going to be best buddies. But that doesn't mean we have a bad relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live on the other side of the country from my parents. My siblings all live within an hour of them. I have a better, more respectful relationship with my parents than my siblings do. They may be "closer" but there is more resentment and conflict for them. I feel that when we visit there is always someone who is upset about something, someone who refuses to come to a family dinner or event because of an unresolved issue. It used to be more stuff between my siblings, but over time it's just become focused on my parents, with lots conflict centering on health issues.

I think if you have a good relationship with your parents, you have a good relationship no matter where you live. Especially now with cell phones, FaceTime, more readily available travel, etc. And if you don't have a good relationship, no amount of proximity will fix that.

I also think some parents/kids are just never going to be really close. I wouldn't say my parents and I are very close. We never have been. But they are my parents and my kids grandparents and I care about them and want them in my life. We are very different people and we're never going to be best buddies. But that doesn't mean we have a bad relationship.

But, it does seem as though you have a cursory relationship, not a close one- and what you call conflict or whatever between the family members who all live close to each other is called a relationship, unless it's constant and toxic (?). Seems like you just don't connect, which is, of course, your prerogative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live on the other side of the country from my parents. My siblings all live within an hour of them. I have a better, more respectful relationship with my parents than my siblings do. They may be "closer" but there is more resentment and conflict for them. I feel that when we visit there is always someone who is upset about something, someone who refuses to come to a family dinner or event because of an unresolved issue. It used to be more stuff between my siblings, but over time it's just become focused on my parents, with lots conflict centering on health issues.

I think if you have a good relationship with your parents, you have a good relationship no matter where you live. Especially now with cell phones, FaceTime, more readily available travel, etc. And if you don't have a good relationship, no amount of proximity will fix that.

I also think some parents/kids are just never going to be really close. I wouldn't say my parents and I are very close. We never have been. But they are my parents and my kids grandparents and I care about them and want them in my life. We are very different people and we're never going to be best buddies. But that doesn't mean we have a bad relationship.

Way to contradict yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live on the other side of the country from my parents. My siblings all live within an hour of them. I have a better, more respectful relationship with my parents than my siblings do. They may be "closer" but there is more resentment and conflict for them. I feel that when we visit there is always someone who is upset about something, someone who refuses to come to a family dinner or event because of an unresolved issue. It used to be more stuff between my siblings, but over time it's just become focused on my parents, with lots conflict centering on health issues.

I think if you have a good relationship with your parents, you have a good relationship no matter where you live. Especially now with cell phones, FaceTime, more readily available travel, etc. And if you don't have a good relationship, no amount of proximity will fix that.

I also think some parents/kids are just never going to be really close. I wouldn't say my parents and I are very close. We never have been. But they are my parents and my kids grandparents and I care about them and want them in my life. We are very different people and we're never going to be best buddies. But that doesn't mean we have a bad relationship.

Way to contradict yourself.

Agree. PP is unaware of what her relationship to her parents really is.

[Anonymous]

People who keep their children close and shame them from moving away are the only ones that think distance is the most important thing in a close relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who keep their children close and shame them from moving away are the only ones that think distance is the most important thing in a close relationship.

No one is shaming anyone. Not sure where you are going with this. The above poster fully admits she isn't close anyway with her parents while indicating that distance hasn't changed anything. She kind of argued her own point. Regardless, the
original question was about process not criticism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being connected has nothing to do with distance. Get this out of your head Op.

Disagree.

This! It definitely has a huge impact when there are children / grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being connected has nothing to do with distance. Get this out of your head Op.

Lol. I have ADHD and being connected has EVERYTHING to do with distance for me.

[Anonymous]

Well my parents moved away and it sucks basically. I moved close to home after college and they moved away because of cost of living. They could afford it here but my other sibling moved somewhere slower paced and cheaper. Now I’m left out all over again.

[Anonymous]

It's common for my family to buy homes in the same neighborhood of each other.

Only one sibling did this. He lives 2 houses down from my mother. My sister lives 8,000 miles from them, and I live 800 from the proposed neighborhood. I talk to my sister once a week, my parents only when obligated(1 or 2X a year).