If you pick up after your spouse

[Anonymous]

He stays in the basement now. So does his food and fridge.

[Anonymous]

Mostly because (1) it matters more to me and (2) there are other areas where he does more than his share

He works longer hours, does any repairs etc we don’t hire out,, does as much cooking as I do even though he works more, does almost all the kid ferrying that is at annoying hours (early Sat AM practices, late weeknight stuff), cleans/vacuums my disaster zone of an SUV without being asked (i care less about vehicles and often have our dog - heavy shedder), and brings me coffee in bed most days lol (I am NOT a morning person)

For the most part, this was ironed out early in the marriage..he just isn’t a neat person (and does not care to be) but he picks up the slack in areas I’m not great at or don’t care about. Occasionally I do get annoyed about some area or another but usually if I ask nicely (hey will you donate some stuff? Your side of the closet is overflowing) he will do it without complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mostly because (1) it matters more to me and (2) there are other areas where he does more than his share

He works longer hours, does any repairs etc we don’t hire out,, does as much cooking as I do even though he works more, does almost all the kid ferrying that is at annoying hours (early Sat AM practices, late weeknight stuff), cleans/vacuums my disaster zone of an SUV without being asked (i care less about vehicles and often have our dog - heavy shedder), and brings me coffee in bed most days lol (I am NOT a morning person)

For the most part, this was ironed out early in the marriage..he just isn’t a neat person (and does not care to be) but he picks up the slack in areas I’m not great at or don’t care about. Occasionally I do get annoyed about some area or another but usually if I ask nicely (hey will you donate some stuff? Your side of the closet is overflowing) he will do it without complaining.

Same here. We've been married 25+ years and worked this out early in the marriage. He also doesn't notice clutter/untidiness as much as I do. A partnership doesn't mean each person does each thing equally. It's about what an acceptable level of split. I'm happy to tidy up in exchange for not having to get up in the middle of the night to let the dog out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like an immaculate house and he likes a messy one. So I just clean up after him. He does A LOT for me that I'm unable to do, so it's not one sided. We're both working nonstop, all of the time. If he were lazy, I wouldn't have married him.

I think you have to ask- what is really bothering you? The mess, your husband's laziness, or the fact that you think he's walking all over you and doesn't care about you (ie leaving mess and expecting someone else to clean)?

All three.

So, I’m the messy wife poster. My husband definitely doesn’t think I’m lazy or that I’m walking alll over him. You guys have much bigger issues that who takes the dishes to the kitchen and picks up the socks.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone else have a husband (or wife) who actively gets angry when you pick up after them?

DH leaves his things laying everywhere (says he'll pick them up later but never does). When I finally get fed up and put stuff away he stomps around complaining that he can't find anything. As in, how dare I move his drill that's been sitting on the dining room table for a week. Or better yet, he loses things all on his own and accuses me of moving them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else have a husband (or wife) who actively gets angry when you pick up after them?

DH leaves his things laying everywhere (says he'll pick them up later but never does). When I finally get fed up and put stuff away he stomps around complaining that he can't find anything. As in, how dare I move his drill that's been sitting on the dining room table for a week. Or better yet, he loses things all on his own and accuses me of moving them.

oh yes. oh yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you clean up after your spouse all the time and it doesn’t bother you, can you share your mindset? Why doesn’t it bother you? Is there something your spouse offers in return that you feel makes it ok?

My DH does the lion’s share of childcare with our toddlers while we’re at home. I do most of the household chores and all the cooking. We realized early on that this system works better than me nagging him to tidy up. We will revisit when the kids are older and more independent.

[Anonymous]

I do 99% of the cooking, daily cleaning and organizing, and groceries and household shopping, 75% of the kids’ care, and he does small repairs or heavy lifting. We outsource lawn care, any major repairs or maintenance, and biweekly cleaning. I handle all the bills, budgeting, and investments. He makes mid 6 figures and it helps to know we can outsource anything we either don’t want to do or can’t do. Neither of us bean count and think of each other as a team. I like to cook and I like to live in a clean organized house so I do it as much for myself as for the rest of the family.

If my DH were entitled, selfish, or bossy, I would feel differently.