Overall tone of DCUM Forums - respect/common courtesy out of style?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been on this form since about 2005. I like it because people are generally intelligent (complete sentences, etc.), knowledgeable, and sometimes funny.

There's always one poster (or several) who responds immediately and jumps on OPs (especially around this time of year) with unnecessary rudeness and snark. They're taking their own misery out on DCUM to make themselves feel better. I just ignore the trolls.

Well sure, but then we all pile on that person for their rudeness, and shower the OP with reassurance and good advice, and balance is restored

[Anonymous]

This is my second pregnancy and this thread definitely wasn’t like this during my first. It was actually quite helpful. I have a feeling a lot of people are here from other forums who aren’t pregnant/have kids. To answer your question, no, most decent human beings seem to have left unfortunately. I’ll be one of them soon.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. I've been here a number of years and when I have a question I sometimes search old threads for an answer first, and I day people aren't any nastier than they were 10 years ago. What has changed is other posters except niceties.

[Anonymous]

I think the general tone is not fluffy “go mama” but most posters are trying to be helpful and are not downright rude. The problem is that just one or two bad posts can have a big impact on both the OP and the thread.

Historically this forum has been one of the gentler, more constructive forums and I’d be sad to see that go.

I’d encourage you to use the report button to flag posts for Jeff (the moderator/site co-owner) that you think are rude or not constructive. I know Jeff has written in the past about his frustration that sometimes the first response to a post sets a bad tone for the entire thread. He doesn’t have time to actively patrol the forums but he has said he’d be happy to look at anything that bothers you (worst case he doesn’t delete it but my experience is if it’s actively hostile in tone he usually deletes it).

[Anonymous]

It always helps to stay in your lane. No one in Expectant and Postpartum Moms needed that “it’s fine, relax, take a deep breath” thread from yesterday, as if it’s not OK to have questions, concerns, or anxieties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It always helps to stay in your lane. No one in Expectant and Postpartum Moms needed that “it’s fine, relax, take a deep breath” thread from yesterday, as if it’s not OK to have questions, concerns, or anxieties.

That thread got deleted? DARN! It was shaping up!

[Anonymous]

I have been on DCUM since 2007 or so, and I think the level of rudeness has skyrocketed in recent years. DC is for sure an intense place, and there have always been a handful of posters who are rude, but the overall level of vitriol is IMO much higher than it used to be - and the change took place over them and long before COVID. Not sure what the cause is. Increase in rude entitled behavior in society generally? Increase in anxiety levels that manifest as lashing out online? Habits formed on social media? Political climate? Genuinely not sure.

[Anonymous]

*time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New here - I usually use Reddit for general anonymous forums, Fishbowl and/or Blind for work related forums. Decided to venture over to DCUM to preview forums for new moms. Is the running culture here polite/friendly/open-minded or something else? Has the culture shifted recently due to COVID19 aggravation? Just wondering because people in anonymous forums are usually friendlier, more respectful. Just trying to understand what makes this forum different. Thanks.

It’s always been horrible since at least 2013 when I was first horrified. Not friendly in the least. This isn’t like those others, it’s 100% anonymous. Something like Reddit has usernames so you can get to know who writes what, etc. I think it’s that plus people here think they’re smarter than the average human and have a lot of ego about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New here - I usually use Reddit for general anonymous forums, Fishbowl and/or Blind for work related forums. Decided to venture over to DCUM to preview forums for new moms. Is the running culture here polite/friendly/open-minded or something else? Has the culture shifted recently due to COVID19 aggravation? Just wondering because people in anonymous forums are usually friendlier, more respectful. Just trying to understand what makes this forum different. Thanks.

It’s always been horrible since at least 2013 when I was first horrified. Not friendly in the least. This isn’t like those others, it’s 100% anonymous. Something like Reddit has usernames so you can get to know who writes what, etc. I think it’s that plus people here think they’re smarter than the average human and have a lot of ego about it

People here ARE smarter than average people. Some of them have no sense of humor though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you new here? This forum has been like this for a long time. Anonymity makes people brutally honest.

It isn’t honesty. It’s more a pathological game of snark one-upmanship, more a case of people behaving badly when others aren’t watching. This is not to be confused with candor or honesty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you new here? This forum has been like this for a long time. Anonymity makes people brutally honest.

It isn’t honesty. It’s more a pathological game of snark one-upmanship, more a case of people behaving badly when others aren’t watching. This is not to be confused with candor or honesty.

This is spot on. It is possible to be honest in a helpful way without being brutal. There are too many trolls who derail threads with their snark or outright nastiness.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people are remarkably decent, sometimes a wingnut gets a dogpile going and takes everything off track. It’s refreshing when the conversation stays in target. I’ve gotten beautiful advice and support at times. Dip in, dip out and try not to take in/respond to folks throwing emotional axes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been on DCUM since 2007 or so, and I think the level of rudeness has skyrocketed in recent years. DC is for sure an intense place, and there have always been a handful of posters who are rude, but the overall level of vitriol is IMO much higher than it used to be - and the change took place over them and long before COVID. Not sure what the cause is. Increase in rude entitled behavior in society generally? Increase in anxiety levels that manifest as lashing out online? Habits formed on social media? Political climate? Genuinely not sure.

I've been here since 2011 and agree completely. Apart from civility, the other thing I miss is the humor. While there's always been a bite to DCUM, there was also a fair amount of wit and cleverness. That's mostly gone these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New here - I usually use Reddit for general anonymous forums, Fishbowl and/or Blind for work related forums. Decided to venture over to DCUM to preview forums for new moms. Is the running culture here polite/friendly/open-minded or something else? Has the culture shifted recently due to COVID19 aggravation? Just wondering because people in anonymous forums are usually friendlier, more respectful. Just trying to understand what makes this forum different. Thanks.

It’s always been horrible since at least 2013 when I was first horrified. Not friendly in the least. This isn’t like those others, it’s 100% anonymous. Something like Reddit has usernames so you can get to know who writes what, etc. I think it’s that plus people here think they’re smarter than the average human and have a lot of ego about it

People here ARE smarter than average people. Some of them have no sense of humor though.

TBH that's why I'm here. I couldn't stand all the other expectant moms groups. The other groups were full of "bumpers", who were mostly unmarried teen moms. As a 30+ mom, I didn't fit in. I also love the intelligence in a lot of DCUM posts, plus I love that people here can use proper grammar.

I think a lot of the issue with the expectant moms forum is that older moms are jumping in. Sorry, but once your youngest hits 5yo you need to get out of here. You quickly forget the pains of pregnancy, what it feels like to be 42 weeks pregnant, and how difficult breastfeeding was.