My son just caught me drinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to the helpful PPs.

As far as rehab not working - maybe you've never been if you think it's an easy fix. I went to one of the better places on the East Coast, but it's very 12-step (aka AA) oriented, which has a 5-10% chance of success.

To the posted that asked why I have kids if I'm an alcoholic? The proper term is Alcohol Use Disorder. It's a condition, like cancer or diabetes. My son is in his teens and I developed it later, due to multiple causes including trauma. I'm working on it. Why did you have kids if you're going to be a judgmental prick?

I have people I can call and I can log into a SMART recovery meeting. Thanks for those of you who are kind. I wouldn't wish this on anyone - the guilt and shame is tremendous.

Admitting you have a problem is the 1st step. Calling it some made up name and comparing it to cancer is a joke. Do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you relapsed OP. Go to an AA meeting tomorrow and get support. You can do this with the tools of the program.

Did you kinda miss what OP had to say about AA success rates and that she would be doing an online SMART meeting? Not that an AA meeting would be necessarily bad for OP, but this varies. Some people who go the SMART route do so because they find AA extremely destructive for them, and the SMART tools (basically CBT concepts rather than spirituality) work far better for them.

AA is there when nothing else works. AA has helped millions of people around the world.

Generally not being in recovery is going to be much more destructive than an AA program and also more destructive to the family members.

[Anonymous]

OP, consider make an appointment with your Primary Care Physician. There are some prescription meds that can help short term.

[Anonymous]

I am the child of an alcoholic and I can tell that OP saying her kind of rehab is only going to make a difference 5-10% of the time and that she wasn’t in an AA meeting daily since leaving that she already made up her mind it wasn’t going to work and she won’t put in the effort. And yea I’m fine saying that even though OP is here looking for pity. That’s what alcoholics do. Try to get you to feel bad for them so you won’t be bad at them. I know the awful watchfulness your kid has to know you were drinking and to find it at the holidays. You say you wouldn’t wish this guilt on anyone well I wouldn’t wish what he has to deal with on anyone. You just got out and already decided you were done trying. Go back.

[Anonymous]

We ended up having an ok Christmas and today is a new day. I’m leaning on my supports and looking at the positive. Thanks and happy end of 2021 to you!

[Anonymous]

OP it’s good to hear you are familiar with SMART Recovery (I am an Online Meeting Helper for several Facilitators) and the difference between a lapse, a one-time occurrence verses a relapse which is a sustained event.

In SMART there is an analogy used to describe the process of continuing your recovery: say you are driving from NY to LA and your car breaks down in Dallas, TX. Do you fix your flat, turn around, go back to NY and start driving again to LA? Or do you fix your flat in TX and then keep on going to LA. So, keep going!

Don’t beat yourself up, just keep going.

[Anonymous]

Put him in Al-anon NOW. I was the kid who always found moms stash, she made me lie, etc. Its a f'ed up position to be in. I'm sorry I don't feel sorry for you, but I do feel sorry for him. He didn't ask for this. You messed up, do better.

Coddling an addict does not help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sucks. You do not suck. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe this is a push you needed to try again. Don’t give up OP.

I absolutely hate posts like this. There is nothing wrong with op taking some ownership of her own issues/weaknesses. It is not always someone or something else’s fault. I’d definitely say op sucks. Get better, try harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how only on DCUM is a mother completely ripped apart and told she’s a bad mom because she follows COVID guidelines and leaves her kids with dad for Christmas after they all tested positive. Meanwhile a parent who LITERALLY JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB is drinking again to the point the kids have discovered it and all anyone can say is “omg that must be so hard for you!”

And enough with the mumbo jumbo of “it’s a disorder and a disease like cancer!” No, it’s not. You made the choice. Don’t bring the stuff in your home, don’t buy it at the store.

Know what’s hard? Growing up in a family of alcoholics, which is what I did. Not understanding why mom gets angry and lashes out. Relationships getting torn apart. People going to jail and even dying. And yea, I carry the genes, too, and my drinking has gotten out of control. But once I was a parent I cut that sh!t out, I don’t touch the stuff, I don’t allow it in my home, I avoid drinkers like the plague. Because life is hard for everyone, you suck it up and do what’s right for your kid.

Yes, you sound like an amazing parent…who doesn’t understand addiction at all, and has major anger issues. Good luck to your kids.

She's right that it's ridiculous when you compare the two threads on DCUM. And your response is just nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how only on DCUM is a mother completely ripped apart and told she’s a bad mom because she follows COVID guidelines and leaves her kids with dad for Christmas after they all tested positive. Meanwhile a parent who LITERALLY JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB is drinking again to the point the kids have discovered it and all anyone can say is “omg that must be so hard for you!”

And enough with the mumbo jumbo of “it’s a disorder and a disease like cancer!” No, it’s not. You made the choice. Don’t bring the stuff in your home, don’t buy it at the store.

Know what’s hard? Growing up in a family of alcoholics, which is what I did. Not understanding why mom gets angry and lashes out. Relationships getting torn apart. People going to jail and even dying. And yea, I carry the genes, too, and my drinking has gotten out of control. But once I was a parent I cut that sh!t out, I don’t touch the stuff, I don’t allow it in my home, I avoid drinkers like the plague. Because life is hard for everyone, you suck it up and do what’s right for your kid.

Yes, you sound like an amazing parent…who doesn’t understand addiction at all, and has major anger issues. Good luck to your kids.

Because hiding in your room drinking and looking for pity from strangers online makes for a great parent 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just got out of rehab a week ago. I was hiding bottles in my room and my son and I were on Zoom with my parents and brother and he ran up to my room and found my bottles. I suck.

So çalling yourself nàmes doesn't help them or you. Get back into LONG-TERM REHAB AND COUNSELLING IMMEDIATELY. My cousin's father was an alcoholic and it ruined all three of his children's lives. Get family counseling and let them tell you how they feel. Try to tell them that alcoholism is a disease with no cure and that it is a momet by moment life. Get rid of all friends that you drank with and change your habits. Join a gym, start swimming, go on long walks or hikes with your kids but do nothing that you associate with drinking. I never drank but this is how I quit smoking cold turkey. I know it isn't the same but it was still an addiction. It is hard but you can do it but it is moment by moment for life. Good luck to you. Every day you go without a drink is a gift and if you slip, start over again. The day will come when you can say no and you won't slip and that day will turn into a year, ten years,twenty years and for life. Again, you can do it and will. I wish you sobriety and a wonderful life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to the helpful PPs.

As far as rehab not working - maybe you've never been if you think it's an easy fix. I went to one of the better places on the East Coast, but it's very 12-step (aka AA) oriented, which has a 5-10% chance of success.

To the posted that asked why I have kids if I'm an alcoholic? The proper term is Alcohol Use Disorder. It's a condition, like cancer or diabetes. My son is in his teens and I developed it later, due to multiple causes including trauma. I'm working on it. Why did you have kids if you're going to be a judgmental prick?

I have people I can call and I can log into a SMART recovery meeting. Thanks for those of you who are kind. I wouldn't wish this on anyone - the guilt and shame is tremendous.

Admitting you have a problem is the 1st step. Calling it some made up name and comparing it to cancer is a joke. Do better.

I'm not OP, but alcoholism IS a disease. And they never graduate from program. They just have to work their program, and relapse is unfortunately part of recovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We ended up having an ok Christmas and today is a new day. I’m leaning on my supports and looking at the positive. Thanks and happy end of 2021 to you!

Wishing you a good, sober day. 1 day at a time, 1 minute at a time. Don't come here. Enjoy the sunshine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the child of an alcoholic and I can tell that OP saying her kind of rehab is only going to make a difference 5-10% of the time and that she wasn’t in an AA meeting daily since leaving that she already made up her mind it wasn’t going to work and she won’t put in the effort. And yea I’m fine saying that even though OP is here looking for pity. That’s what alcoholics do. Try to get you to feel bad for them so you won’t be bad at them. I know the awful watchfulness your kid has to know you were drinking and to find it at the holidays. You say you wouldn’t wish this guilt on anyone well I wouldn’t wish what he has to deal with on anyone. You just got out and already decided you were done trying. Go back.

Bingo. It's not going to work because OP has a million excuses. AA doesn't work. Rehab doesn't work. OP is justifying what they did by saying the somehow SMART will magically work, when 6 months from now OP will be crying "SMART has a low success rate, too!"

The whole "I suck" comment is very telling. OP just wants pity and for people to make the guilt go away, rather than owning up and finding a solution that will actually work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sucks. You do not suck. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe this is a push you needed to try again. Don’t give up OP.

I absolutely hate posts like this. There is nothing wrong with op taking some ownership of her own issues/weaknesses. It is not always someone or something else’s fault. I’d definitely say op sucks. Get better, try harder.

OP definitely needs to take responsibility, but the shame of "I suck" makes that very, very challenging. Separating the problem (alcoholism that is devastating her family) from the person (OP who is deep down at heart a decent person) is critical for OP to change her behavior. OP absolutely needs to try harder, and it's a lot easier to do that from a perspective of "I am a valuable human" versus "I am a piece of cr#p," because what she has done is cr#ppy. Feeling shame for who you are just fuels the alcoholism. feeling guilt and embarrassment for what you have done because you believe you can do better fuels recovery.