My son just caught me drinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to the helpful PPs.

As far as rehab not working - maybe you've never been if you think it's an easy fix. I went to one of the better places on the East Coast, but it's very 12-step (aka AA) oriented, which has a 5-10% chance of success.

To the posted that asked why I have kids if I'm an alcoholic? The proper term is Alcohol Use Disorder. It's a condition, like cancer or diabetes. My son is in his teens and I developed it later, due to multiple causes including trauma. I'm working on it. Why did you have kids if you're going to be a judgmental prick?

I have people I can call and I can log into a SMART recovery meeting. Thanks for those of you who are kind. I wouldn't wish this on anyone - the guilt and shame is tremendous.

dp Not that poster but, when you post on a public forum you have to accept all types of responses. Especially since DCUM is well known for snark. You would do better to get support elsewhere.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sucks. You do not suck. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe this is a push you needed to try again. Don’t give up OP.

+1. OP

And don't wait until tomorrow. This very moment is a new start. Throw the bottles out and start doing better today.

+2. You messed up, but this doesn’t have to spiral into a relapse. Make a new start tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your son? BTW I totally agree about SMART vs AA sponsor. This is also painful for him (I was the spouse who would find the hidden bottles). You'll have to think about how to approach this with him, especially if he is old enough to know what rehab and hidden bottles mean and young enough to need an adult to talk through it with him.

He’s 14. I’ve drained the bottles and we’re going to make dinner. Tomorrow is a new day but today has been tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your son? BTW I totally agree about SMART vs AA sponsor. This is also painful for him (I was the spouse who would find the hidden bottles). You'll have to think about how to approach this with him, especially if he is old enough to know what rehab and hidden bottles mean and young enough to need an adult to talk through it with him.

He’s 14. I’ve drained the bottles and we’re going to make dinner. Tomorrow is a new day but today has been tough.

You are doing it already! Good Job OP.

Tonight is a new hour!

Enjoy your dinner together!

[Anonymous]

We’re rooting for you, OP. This is hard.

[Anonymous]

OP, is he in Ala Teen or something similar for support? I grew up with alcoholic parents and seeing them relapse was really scary for me. Both of you will benefit from consistent support that is independent of the family.

Glad you decided to start over. That is the key thing. Sending loads of good wishes your way.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. You can work from here; you can go forward from here. You can admit you made a mistake, and you can regroup.

As a child of an alcoholic, I want to share with you something that is true for me that might be helpful to know. There is nothing worse than a lie, or gaslighting. So if you are struggling or even if you get caught, the very best thing you can do is tell the truth, and face the truth.

I can’t tell you how many times my parents denied something even when the proof was right there. That led to me not being able to trust them. It also has led to me being exceedingly grateful for the times when they are able to tell the truth, and to face facts, even when it’s hard.

[Anonymous]

Most people fall off the wagon even days out of rehab.

Love yourself!

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you relapsed OP. Go to an AA meeting tomorrow and get support. You can do this with the tools of the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your son? BTW I totally agree about SMART vs AA sponsor. This is also painful for him (I was the spouse who would find the hidden bottles). You'll have to think about how to approach this with him, especially if he is old enough to know what rehab and hidden bottles mean and young enough to need an adult to talk through it with him.

He’s 14. I’ve drained the bottles and we’re going to make dinner. Tomorrow is a new day but today has been tough.

You are doing it already! Good Job OP.

Tonight is a new hour!

Enjoy your dinner together!

+1

[Anonymous]

Is your son in Alateen? Alanon really helped me with my Dad's drinking. I learned that as a daughter I did not cause, and could not control nor cure my Dad's drinking. I was only responsible for me and I learned my Dad was responsible for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you relapsed OP. Go to an AA meeting tomorrow and get support. You can do this with the tools of the program.

Did you kinda miss what OP had to say about AA success rates and that she would be doing an online SMART meeting? Not that an AA meeting would be necessarily bad for OP, but this varies. Some people who go the SMART route do so because they find AA extremely destructive for them, and the SMART tools (basically CBT concepts rather than spirituality) work far better for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to the helpful PPs.

As far as rehab not working - maybe you've never been if you think it's an easy fix. I went to one of the better places on the East Coast, but it's very 12-step (aka AA) oriented, which has a 5-10% chance of success.

To the posted that asked why I have kids if I'm an alcoholic? The proper term is Alcohol Use Disorder. It's a condition, like cancer or diabetes. My son is in his teens and I developed it later, due to multiple causes including trauma. I'm working on it. Why did you have kids if you're going to be a judgmental prick?

I have people I can call and I can log into a SMART recovery meeting. Thanks for those of you who are kind. I wouldn't wish this on anyone - the guilt and shame is tremendous.

So why didn't you do that instead of coming on DCUM? I may sound mean, but alcoholism is a thing in my family and I can recognize the punting, excuse-making a pity seeking a mile away. If you were serious about this, you would have called those supports, not to DCUM for a "woe is me party"

And if he isn't already get your kid in some kind of therapy. I hope your son knows he can tell another trusted adult in his life about your drinking and that he doesn't have to hide it for you.

[Anonymous]

I love how only on DCUM is a mother completely ripped apart and told she’s a bad mom because she follows COVID guidelines and leaves her kids with dad for Christmas after they all tested positive. Meanwhile a parent who LITERALLY JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB is drinking again to the point the kids have discovered it and all anyone can say is “omg that must be so hard for you!”

And enough with the mumbo jumbo of “it’s a disorder and a disease like cancer!” No, it’s not. You made the choice. Don’t bring the stuff in your home, don’t buy it at the store.

Know what’s hard? Growing up in a family of alcoholics, which is what I did. Not understanding why mom gets angry and lashes out. Relationships getting torn apart. People going to jail and even dying. And yea, I carry the genes, too, and my drinking has gotten out of control. But once I was a parent I cut that sh!t out, I don’t touch the stuff, I don’t allow it in my home, I avoid drinkers like the plague. Because life is hard for everyone, you suck it up and do what’s right for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how only on DCUM is a mother completely ripped apart and told she’s a bad mom because she follows COVID guidelines and leaves her kids with dad for Christmas after they all tested positive. Meanwhile a parent who LITERALLY JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB is drinking again to the point the kids have discovered it and all anyone can say is “omg that must be so hard for you!”

And enough with the mumbo jumbo of “it’s a disorder and a disease like cancer!” No, it’s not. You made the choice. Don’t bring the stuff in your home, don’t buy it at the store.

Know what’s hard? Growing up in a family of alcoholics, which is what I did. Not understanding why mom gets angry and lashes out. Relationships getting torn apart. People going to jail and even dying. And yea, I carry the genes, too, and my drinking has gotten out of control. But once I was a parent I cut that sh!t out, I don’t touch the stuff, I don’t allow it in my home, I avoid drinkers like the plague. Because life is hard for everyone, you suck it up and do what’s right for your kid.

Yes, you sound like an amazing parent…who doesn’t understand addiction at all, and has major anger issues. Good luck to your kids.