Are boarding schools more harmful than beneficial?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was similarly left to my own devices and never learned independent study habits until I had to in college, and they're still not very strong. I have ADHD that nobody picked up on so I had no support. If I had gone to a boarding school my life would have turned out for the better I'm sure, not that I would have wanted to at that age.

How exactly can someone with ADD or ADHD study in an environment full of kids (large boarding house, study hall, etc.). I would be much more productive at home in a quiet room with no TV, etc.

Many boarding schools have extra supports for students with LDs, supervised study hall after school every day, access to learning specialists in early evening. It definitely works well for some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many boarding schools have counsellors, staff, coaches and teachers that are there almost everyday to help students and support them. This does not reflect the real world where a young adult has to figure stuff out for themselves and be their own best counsellor.

Then there are the lavish facilities, trips and even laundry service. What, they even have people who do you laundry and neatly fold it up for you?

So here is my question why do mothers, yes it is usually the mothers, encourage their kids to attend these institutions?

I myself was a bit of a latchkey kid. I came home almost everyday to an empty home. However, it wasn't a problem. I wasn't lonely, especially as I got older. I developed study habits independently and did my homework because it needed to get done. I also had time to rest, relax and have a snack after a long day of school.

Oh, and by the way my mom was quite wealthy. Not that this matters, but I am certain I would get a few posts saying "I'm glad I wasn't poor like you".

Huh?

I went to boarding school and nobody held my hand at all! Yes there was laundry service, but lots of parents do their kids laundry.

I learned time management skills -- no one there to remind me to do homework, or stop watching TV, or hang out with my friends. I learned to live with people who were very different from me, including one year an AA girl from Florida, and another year a very wealthy daughter of a federal judge. I learned I had to eat at mealtimes, no in between snacks. I learned to find interesting things to do on the weekends since there was no mall, like what my friends did back home. I learned to solve problems vis-a-vis my peers b/c that is where most of the "support" comes in at boarding school -- from student leaders.

In fact, I would argue that boarding school teaches you independence the way the first year of college does. Now am I sending my kid? No. But I don't think you understand the culture of boarding school at all.

That is what I would have thought, we are considering for daughter if she wants to but she does not want to be so far from me. A big plus for me would be learn8ng more independence - but only if student can handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many boarding schools have counsellors, staff, coaches and teachers that are there almost everyday to help students and support them. This does not reflect the real world where a young adult has to figure stuff out for themselves and be their own best counsellor.

Then there are the lavish facilities, trips and even laundry service. What, they even have people who do you laundry and neatly fold it up for you?

So here is my question why do mothers, yes it is usually the mothers, encourage their kids to attend these institutions?

I myself was a bit of a latchkey kid. I came home almost everyday to an empty home. However, it wasn't a problem. I wasn't lonely, especially as I got older. I developed study habits independently and did my homework because it needed to get done. I also had time to rest, relax and have a snack after a long day of school.

Oh, and by the way my mom was quite wealthy. Not that this matters, but I am certain I would get a few posts saying "I'm glad I wasn't poor like you".

Huh?

I went to boarding school and nobody held my hand at all! Yes there was laundry service, but lots of parents do their kids laundry.

I learned time management skills -- no one there to remind me to do homework, or stop watching TV, or hang out with my friends. I learned to live with people who were very different from me, including one year an AA girl from Florida, and another year a very wealthy daughter of a federal judge. I learned I had to eat at mealtimes, no in between snacks. I learned to find interesting things to do on the weekends since there was no mall, like what my friends did back home. I learned to solve problems vis-a-vis my peers b/c that is where most of the "support" comes in at boarding school -- from student leaders.

In fact, I would argue that boarding school teaches you independence the way the first year of college does. Now am I sending my kid? No. But I don't think you understand the culture of boarding school at all.

Agreed. OP doesn't know the boarding school experience at all clearly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but I don't need my 14 year old to be independent, and I don't care if they go to HPY when they are older, that is not the goal for having kids. I want my kids at home with me. My DD is a Freshman this year and it was like my 18 years were up and he is gone, the time flew by. I am sure it works for some people, but I do not see the purpose of shipping my kids off and seeing them at holiday's. That is not why I became a parent. P.S. I never did a load of laundry until I went to college...not hard, I figured it all out!

Your post is 100% about your emotional needs and wants as a parent. I would encourage you to reflect on that, because setting boarding school aside that is a pretty sh$tty way to raise kids.

Maybe your kids aren’t right for BS. Cool. Most aren’t. For some kids (me included) it was life-changing. But either way I think it’s seriously screwed up to preemptively deprive your kid of something that may be right for them because of what you want and why you became a parent.

My own kids aren’t remotely the right fit for BS so I’m not planning to send them either. And I’m totally fine with that. But if that were the right fit for them, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Just like if they were chess prodigies or highly skilled athletes or had SNs that would really benefit from a particular school or other opportunity, we’d pursue that. The vast majority of kids I went to BS with were there because they really, really wanted to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many boarding schools have counsellors, staff, coaches and teachers that are there almost everyday to help students and support them. This does not reflect the real world where a young adult has to figure stuff out for themselves and be their own best counsellor.

Then there are the lavish facilities, trips and even laundry service. What, they even have people who do you laundry and neatly fold it up for you?

So here is my question why do mothers, yes it is usually the mothers, encourage their kids to attend these institutions?

I myself was a bit of a latchkey kid. I came home almost everyday to an empty home. However, it wasn't a problem. I wasn't lonely, especially as I got older. I developed study habits independently and did my homework because it needed to get done. I also had time to rest, relax and have a snack after a long day of school.

Oh, and by the way my mom was quite wealthy. Not that this matters, but I am certain I would get a few posts saying "I'm glad I wasn't poor like you".

Sounds just like living at home. I had someone who did the laundry and folded it up neatly for me. My mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many boarding schools have counsellors, staff, coaches and teachers that are there almost everyday to help students and support them. This does not reflect the real world where a young adult has to figure stuff out for themselves and be their own best counsellor.

Then there are the lavish facilities, trips and even laundry service. What, they even have people who do you laundry and neatly fold it up for you?

So here is my question why do mothers, yes it is usually the mothers, encourage their kids to attend these institutions?

I myself was a bit of a latchkey kid. I came home almost everyday to an empty home. However, it wasn't a problem. I wasn't lonely, especially as I got older. I developed study habits independently and did my homework because it needed to get done. I also had time to rest, relax and have a snack after a long day of school.

Oh, and by the way my mom was quite wealthy. Not that this matters, but I am certain I would get a few posts saying "I'm glad I wasn't poor like you".

In some cultures, it’s the norm. Rather rare in America unless you’re sending your kid to Phillips or something. We moved to the UK when DC was 13 and I remember the agent who was showing us around, asking about which school and is it a boarding school. In the UK families will send their kids as young as 8. I told her absolutely not. She asked why not. I said because I’m not done raising my child yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m assuming you don’t mean schools like Andover, Choate Rosemary Hall, Exeter, Lawrenceville, et al? Brilliant, wealthy kids go there to get into Harvard, Yale and Princeton.

My daughter's friend and her sister went to Exeter. Her parents were middle income that just pushed education. They did well in private school and were offered acceptance in 9th grade. The thing is that those boarding schools are not that expensive. Considering they cover all of their food, room and board on top of education, extracurriculars, and sports. It is MUCH cheaper than going to Sidwell, GT Day, and paying for transportation, their food, their extracurriculars, etc... Trust me

That said, this sweet girl went on to do A LOT of dugs at Exeter. I mean a lot. Shocking. She kinda turned it around her junior year and did better. Went to Wash U.

I guess it depends on the kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was similarly left to my own devices and never learned independent study habits until I had to in college, and they're still not very strong. I have ADHD that nobody picked up on so I had no support. If I had gone to a boarding school my life would have turned out for the better I'm sure, not that I would have wanted to at that age.

How exactly can someone with ADD or ADHD study in an environment full of kids (large boarding house, study hall, etc.). I would be much more productive at home in a quiet room with no TV, etc.

Not many distractions in a well-proctored study hall.

DP.

That sounds like a great place to sleep for someone with ADHD. Ask me how I know...

[Anonymous]

Parents still send their good kids to BS because they are too nerdy, geeky or wimpy. They want their child to be confident and stand tall.


Many BS kids act proper and charming in front of adults and then do shrooms when no one is looking…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents still send their good kids to BS because they are too nerdy, geeky or wimpy. They want their child to be confident and stand tall.


Many BS kids act proper and charming in front of adults and then do shrooms when no one is looking…

That is true. Biggest drink and drug problems ever are in boarding schools. And sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents still send their good kids to BS because they are too nerdy, geeky or wimpy. They want their child to be confident and stand tall.


Many BS kids act proper and charming in front of adults and then do shrooms when no one is looking…

That is true. Biggest drink and drug problems ever are in boarding schools. And sex.

Yet many parents are in denial about this. Including my own mom who attended an all-girls boarding school in the 60s

[Anonymous]

My rich relatives sent their kids to boarding school. Both came out fine from the experience and are lovely adults.

The alternative was living at home with a maid and attending a swank day school. So what is the difference?

This worked for them. I think it is time to accept more and judge less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was similarly left to my own devices and never learned independent study habits until I had to in college, and they're still not very strong. I have ADHD that nobody picked up on so I had no support. If I had gone to a boarding school my life would have turned out for the better I'm sure, not that I would have wanted to at that age.

How exactly can someone with ADD or ADHD study in an environment full of kids (large boarding house, study hall, etc.). I would be much more productive at home in a quiet room with no TV, etc.

In their dorm? In the library? Weird question.

[Anonymous]

We have friends sending their kid to what looks like a mediocre boarding school even though they work locally with one SAH parent, and there are so many private options around here. I don’t get it.
I get it when the parents have jobs abroad or travel frequently or when you live in an area without good private school options. A good friend went to boarding school because his local public was rough and there were basically two options—a very cliquish private (and not super academic) where he wasn’t fitting in, or a religious school where he also would not have fit in. Boarding school is fabulous for kids like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but I don't need my 14 year old to be independent, and I don't care if they go to HPY when they are older, that is not the goal for having kids. I want my kids at home with me. My DD is a Freshman this year and it was like my 18 years were up and he is gone, the time flew by. I am sure it works for some people, but I do not see the purpose of shipping my kids off and seeing them at holiday's. That is not why I became a parent. P.S. I never did a load of laundry until I went to college...not hard, I figured it all out!

I feel this way too, except for the laundry part. Mine have to do it at home or they get to wear dirty clothes. I stopped doing their laundry by 12. But I enjoy cheering them on at the weekly sports games and wouldn’t give that up.