Are boarding schools more harmful than beneficial?

[Anonymous]

Many boarding schools have counsellors, staff, coaches and teachers that are there almost everyday to help students and support them. This does not reflect the real world where a young adult has to figure stuff out for themselves and be their own best counsellor.

Then there are the lavish facilities, trips and even laundry service. What, they even have people who do you laundry and neatly fold it up for you?

So here is my question why do mothers, yes it is usually the mothers, encourage their kids to attend these institutions?

I myself was a bit of a latchkey kid. I came home almost everyday to an empty home. However, it wasn't a problem. I wasn't lonely, especially as I got older. I developed study habits independently and did my homework because it needed to get done. I also had time to rest, relax and have a snack after a long day of school.

Oh, and by the way my mom was quite wealthy. Not that this matters, but I am certain I would get a few posts saying "I'm glad I wasn't poor like you".

[Anonymous]

It depends on the individual child. I have good friends and relatives that attended boarding school that loved the experience and thrived and still are close to their school friends. On the other hand, i know people that were miserable.

[Anonymous]

As an aside, many of the peers come from well-off families, are good looking and quite good at sports. Also, many have behavioural problems (habitual liars, cheaters), addictions, and family issues. Do you want your kid to be roommates with someone like this?

[Anonymous]

Because all children and families are different. Just because you were successful being home alone, doesn’t mean others would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an aside, many of the peers come from well-off families, are good looking and quite good at sports. Also, many have behavioural problems (habitual liars, cheaters), addictions, and family issues. Do you want your kid to be roommates with someone like this?

What I am trying to say is that the student body does not reflect the real-world. Their friends, university classmates, coworkers, superiors, etc. will come from a more normal background.

[Anonymous]

Huh? Most schools have staff, teachers, and coaches. The dorm counselors are way less involved than parents, whom they are a pseudo-substitute for. They mainly exist to enforce curfew. Sure, some kids get close with them, but most don't in my experience. And back in my day, during the 1990's, laundry service was not part of the package. Some kids subscribed to it. For the rest, there were washers and dryers in the basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an aside, many of the peers come from well-off families, are good looking and quite good at sports. Also, many have behavioural problems (habitual liars, cheaters), addictions, and family issues. Do you want your kid to be roommates with someone like this?

What I am trying to say is that the student body does not reflect the real-world. Their friends, university classmates, coworkers, superiors, etc. will come from a more normal background.

It depends on the school but some of the prestigious ones are more diverse than the "base" schools that many of these kids would otherwise attend. Exeter has far more economic diversity (thanks to a large number of scholarships) and racial diversity than Langley High, Palo Alto High, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many boarding schools have counsellors, staff, coaches and teachers that are there almost everyday to help students and support them. This does not reflect the real world where a young adult has to figure stuff out for themselves and be their own best counsellor.

Then there are the lavish facilities, trips and even laundry service. What, they even have people who do you laundry and neatly fold it up for you?

So here is my question why do mothers, yes it is usually the mothers, encourage their kids to attend these institutions?

I myself was a bit of a latchkey kid. I came home almost everyday to an empty home. However, it wasn't a problem. I wasn't lonely, especially as I got older. I developed study habits independently and did my homework because it needed to get done. I also had time to rest, relax and have a snack after a long day of school.

Oh, and by the way my mom was quite wealthy. Not that this matters, but I am certain I would get a few posts saying "I'm glad I wasn't poor like you".

I don’t know many people who encourage their children to attend boarding school unless they are:
(A) struggling in some way (substance abuse/anxieties/ dysfunctional home life);
(B) learning differences such as ADHD not being supported well in regular school: or
(C) living in developing country/ remotes area for work and not happy with the local schools.

I don’t think it is that common in major urban areas such as DMV where there are many good school choices, both public and private and many forms of therapy available. But there are some private schools here that take boarders and day students (St Albans, Sandy Springs Friends, Madeira and Episcopal High School for example). I believe that often the reason is parents are working abroad or would have a very long commute.

This research out of Australia found comparable educational outcomes between boarding and day school students.
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.608949/full

[Anonymous]

My genius brother went to Andover as there were no schools in a 300 mile radius of where we grew up that could challenge him. He had a full scholarship and still not had lots of close friends from high school.

It was the right decision for him.

[Anonymous]

I’m assuming you don’t mean schools like Andover, Choate Rosemary Hall, Exeter, Lawrenceville, et al? Brilliant, wealthy kids go there to get into Harvard, Yale and Princeton.

[Anonymous]

A couple of bad friends and your kid will be doing drugs, lying and other irresponsible things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple of bad friends and your kid will be doing drugs, lying and other irresponsible things.

All hours away from you, the parent, for years and years.

Then he comes home on break and acts, mature, charming and respectful. Unless he's in his room...

[Anonymous]

I was similarly left to my own devices and never learned independent study habits until I had to in college, and they're still not very strong. I have ADHD that nobody picked up on so I had no support. If I had gone to a boarding school my life would have turned out for the better I'm sure, not that I would have wanted to at that age.

[Anonymous]

Boarding school saved my life as a smart but outgoing girl from a small hick town with lots of teen pregnancy and drugs. Kids go to boarding schools for lots of different reasons. None of my friends were behavior problems or addicts or learning disabled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was similarly left to my own devices and never learned independent study habits until I had to in college, and they're still not very strong. I have ADHD that nobody picked up on so I had no support. If I had gone to a boarding school my life would have turned out for the better I'm sure, not that I would have wanted to at that age.

How exactly can someone with ADD or ADHD study in an environment full of kids (large boarding house, study hall, etc.). I would be much more productive at home in a quiet room with no TV, etc.