Can anything be done about inequitable will?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make an appointment with Debby Cochran in Tysons. She will tell you. If you are the trustee, you will have some discretion. I know Bc my aunt is my trustee and she spends the money. What am I going to do, sue her?

I might sue my aunt in that scenario. How much is in the trust and how much is she skimming?

Skimming implies taking money for their own use but trustees do have the right to be paid, and really should be paid because it is a time consuming and thankless job if you are not a beneficiary of the trust. If a bank is trustee, I can guarantee you that they will be paid generously.

They have a right to be paid fairly. When the daughter turns 18, she will have to opportunity to go after the trustees if she thinks they abused their position or disregarded the terms of the trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My uncle passed away recently (mom’s brother) and we knew he was wealthy but did not know just how wealthy until the recent reading of his will. His wife died many years ago and they never had children. He was fond of my oldest daughter who is 8, but I would not say they had a super close relationship although that is irrelevant anyway. We only saw him once per year and he would show her card tricks which she loved.

Turns out that other than some charities he has earmarked for generous donations, he is leaving several million dollars to my older daughter. This is a bit awkward since he didn’t leave anything to my other child or my nephew. The money has been set up in a trust and there are some rules about what it can and can’t be used for.

My parents and brother are baffled and furious because of this strange inequity - again it’s not like my daughter had much of a relationship with him at all. I am worried about sibling resentment down the line when my younger one realizes the helping hand my older one got to pay for college and grad school, a down payment on a home and so much more. While we can certainly save up for our younger child to go to college and grad school, we can’t give her the kind of money my older one will have at her disposal. I am also not thrilled about my older one having quite that much money as I worry she will never work as hard (or even feel she needs a job post college) and just become a lazy trust fund kid… so I would be thrilled to give some to the other two kids but it doesn’t seem like that is a possibility.

Has this happened in any other families specifically with younger kids? It seems like the answer is no, but is there any way we can redistribute some of the money to the other kids so they get something too? My parents, brother and I are not trying to get any money for ourselves so that is not at all what this is about - it’s purely about the kids here.

Of course you have no desire to get money for yourself! We know you're only thinking of fairness. Thanks for my first belly laugh today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Similar kind of in my family. Each grandchild got the gift tax exclusion $15K annually, but the oldest who was 12 at grandparents death got 12 years and the youngest was only 4 and has so much less. Executor who had been POA during life made zero effort to rectify or consider the discrepancy even though grandparent wanted everything even.

Wait, are you one of my cousins? This happened with in my family. I am the youngest and have always felt this was unfair. There are ways to rectify this in a will - it’s called an equalization provision but my grandfather who was the eldest grandchild himself did not put one in unfortunately.

Op, you Can I have this reviewed by a good state attorney, but I doubt there’s anything you can do to equalize it. It’s not your money, it’s your daughter’s money. Be careful you don’t hire some estate attorney who says he can try to resolve it and all he does is waste your money and some sort of estate battle. As for being worried about your daughter having this money, read the terms of the trust. It’s possible that they are strict and she won’t have much access until she’s older. Who’s the trustee?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the terms of the trust? If you can use the money for things that will benefit both children together that would be ideal. Family vacation - renovation to the family house - family vehicle etc. This only really works while your daughter is a minor. But I would try to balance it out as best I could between my own children. I wouldn't want to treat my children differently but depending on if and when you daughter will gain full access to the trust money you need to educate her in how to manage the money. If its just a free for all when she turns 18 she is going to need some guidance or she will just blow through it. I'm not sure there is much you can do for your nephew.

No
The money was left to a specific person, you cannot just take a kids money and spend on as family vacation. WTF!!!!

Actually, if OP is the trustee, of course she can.

The trust belongs to the daughter snd can be used for her. I imagine there are limits on withdrawals, but a vacation wouldn’t even come close to touching the principle and directly benefits the daughter. She’s 8. She literally cannot go on vacation alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the terms of the trust? If you can use the money for things that will benefit both children together that would be ideal. Family vacation - renovation to the family house - family vehicle etc. This only really works while your daughter is a minor. But I would try to balance it out as best I could between my own children. I wouldn't want to treat my children differently but depending on if and when you daughter will gain full access to the trust money you need to educate her in how to manage the money. If its just a free for all when she turns 18 she is going to need some guidance or she will just blow through it. I'm not sure there is much you can do for your nephew.

No
The money was left to a specific person, you cannot just take a kids money and spend on as family vacation. WTF!!!!

Actually, if OP is the trustee, of course she can.

The trust belongs to the daughter snd can be used for her. I imagine there are limits on withdrawals, but a vacation wouldn’t even come close to touching the principle and directly benefits the daughter. She’s 8. She literally cannot go on vacation alone.

Op didn't say she's the trustee and I very much doubt she is. So no control.

[Anonymous]

I’m in camp “leave it alone.” Those were your uncle’s wishes and it’s your daughter’s money. For all you know, the other kids will marry trust fund kids, make their own fortune, or marry someone with high earning potential. And everyone could end up equal. Or perhaps your daughter could have some misfortune and need the money and she will know that you lobbied to divide it all up. Some of this sounds like you’re trying to solve a problem that may never exist.

By the way, I also don’t think you can legally break up the trust, but just throwing some things out there that I haven’t seen mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar kind of in my family. Each grandchild got the gift tax exclusion $15K annually, but the oldest who was 12 at grandparents death got 12 years and the youngest was only 4 and has so much less. Executor who had been POA during life made zero effort to rectify or consider the discrepancy even though grandparent wanted everything even.

Wait, are you one of my cousins? This happened with in my family. I am the youngest and have always felt this was unfair. There are ways to rectify this in a will - it’s called an equalization provision but my grandfather who was the eldest grandchild himself did not put one in unfortunately.

Op, you Can I have this reviewed by a good state attorney, but I doubt there’s anything you can do to equalize it. It’s not your money, it’s your daughter’s money. Be careful you don’t hire some estate attorney who says he can try to resolve it and all he does is waste your money and some sort of estate battle. As for being worried about your daughter having this money, read the terms of the trust. It’s possible that they are strict and she won’t have much access until she’s older. Who’s the trustee?

This isn't even remotely unfair. Gifts during the lifetime have nothing to do with bequests, unless there are specific provisions that address it.

[Anonymous]

Holy crap!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, let me clarify that having a trust doesn't make one lazy. I know plenty of lazy poor people. I have one, most of my friends have one and we're all employed full time in real jobs. I'm a data scientist, my BFF is a professor, my H works on sales, and two others work for Uber and AWS. Ultimately, these are your uncle's $ and this was his wish. I know life is not fair and there's more in life than money. Maybe your DD2 will marry the next Bezos, or start her own company and sell it, or cure cancer, or win the lottery.

Says the person who has and always has had the backing of money, as have many of her friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Clearly, he felt that they shared a special bond and wanted her to have the money. This is an enormous benefit to your family because it will cover all her expenses going forward. You will be able to put that money aside for your other child.

[Anonymous]

This could be several million by the time she in eligible to receive it. Life changing for sure. It is a tough situation, but I would not take it away from her, she might resent it.

[Anonymous]

The answer is pretty straightforward. You spend all your money on your other child and that child alone will inherit your entire estate. Daughter gets nothing because she has the trust.

It may not come out to the same amount but that's the best that can be done.

[Anonymous]

This happened in my SILs family when grandparents left it all to her. . SIL was the only one who visited and called them regularly, others just did it on holidays. They were all shocked when the will came out. It caused tremendous resentment and fights and even a threatened law suit. After a year, SIL couldn't take being isolated from her siblings so she decided to do things like pay for extended family vacations, help pay for college for nieces and nephews, give out forgivable loans for down payments etc. . Basically whenever anyone needed money, they came to her. Sadly she wasn't a great money manager and most of the money is now gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The answer is pretty straightforward. You spend all your money on your other child and that child alone will inherit your entire estate. Daughter gets nothing because she has the trust.

It may not come out to the same amount but that's the best that can be done.

+1 and as I noted upthread, both children will end up in great shape by any reasonable standard.

[Anonymous]

I would be disappointed in my kid if at age 18 she didn’t split the inheritance three ways and share with her sister and cousin.