Can anything be done about inequitable will?

[Anonymous]

My uncle passed away recently (mom’s brother) and we knew he was wealthy but did not know just how wealthy until the recent reading of his will. His wife died many years ago and they never had children. He was fond of my oldest daughter who is 8, but I would not say they had a super close relationship although that is irrelevant anyway. We only saw him once per year and he would show her card tricks which she loved.

Turns out that other than some charities he has earmarked for generous donations, he is leaving several million dollars to my older daughter. This is a bit awkward since he didn’t leave anything to my other child or my nephew. The money has been set up in a trust and there are some rules about what it can and can’t be used for.

My parents and brother are baffled and furious because of this strange inequity - again it’s not like my daughter had much of a relationship with him at all. I am worried about sibling resentment down the line when my younger one realizes the helping hand my older one got to pay for college and grad school, a down payment on a home and so much more. While we can certainly save up for our younger child to go to college and grad school, we can’t give her the kind of money my older one will have at her disposal. I am also not thrilled about my older one having quite that much money as I worry she will never work as hard (or even feel she needs a job post college) and just become a lazy trust fund kid… so I would be thrilled to give some to the other two kids but it doesn’t seem like that is a possibility.

Has this happened in any other families specifically with younger kids? It seems like the answer is no, but is there any way we can redistribute some of the money to the other kids so they get something too? My parents, brother and I are not trying to get any money for ourselves so that is not at all what this is about - it’s purely about the kids here.

[Anonymous]

The answer is quite possibly no, but this is something I'd take a little money and talk to a lawyer about, just to see.

[Anonymous]

Probably not since it's in a trust.

This sort of happened in my family. Grandparent died before all of the grandkids were born. The ones that were born received large trusts and the ones not born didn't get anything. I don't think grandparent meant it that way and planned on adding new grandchildren, but they died unexpectedly and young. It hasn't really been a big deal.

[Anonymous]

You save for school for one. No need to even bring it up. Meaning your kid won’t grow up like a trust fund kid if you don’t make her one.

My kids know we pay for college tuition but certainly do not know the specifics of how.

[Anonymous]

Did he create the trust between the birth of your older DD and the other kids? It doesn't bear on whether it can be challenged, but it may explain the inequity.

[Anonymous]

Several millions? wow. what are the rules on how the money can be used?
You can't change the terms of the will, but you can encourage your daughter to share the wealth when she is old enough to make that kind of decision.

[Anonymous]

What are the terms of the trust? If you can use the money for things that will benefit both children together that would be ideal. Family vacation - renovation to the family house - family vehicle etc. This only really works while your daughter is a minor. But I would try to balance it out as best I could between my own children. I wouldn't want to treat my children differently but depending on if and when you daughter will gain full access to the trust money you need to educate her in how to manage the money. If its just a free for all when she turns 18 she is going to need some guidance or she will just blow through it. I'm not sure there is much you can do for your nephew.

[Anonymous]

Only if its your money and your will. Otherwise, you need to just see this as a parenting challenge.

On a financial note, Within the rules of the trust you may find enough flexibility to use some of the trust money to offset family expenses and then contribute an equal amount to savings for the non favored child.

[Anonymous]

Damn. Assuming there's nothing legally that can be done I would start in with some serious spiritual education about the proper role of money in life, if you're not already doing that. Make sure your DD sees you giving money to charity, and using your money to do things like pay rent or bills for family members or close friends who are going through a rough spot. Basically you need to start aggressively modeling a healthy relationship with money, for both of your kids' sake.

[Anonymous]

Similar kind of in my family. Each grandchild got the gift tax exclusion $15K annually, but the oldest who was 12 at grandparents death got 12 years and the youngest was only 4 and has so much less. Executor who had been POA during life made zero effort to rectify or consider the discrepancy even though grandparent wanted everything even.

[Anonymous]

First, let me clarify that having a trust doesn't make one lazy. I know plenty of lazy poor people. I have one, most of my friends have one and we're all employed full time in real jobs. I'm a data scientist, my BFF is a professor, my H works on sales, and two others work for Uber and AWS. Ultimately, these are your uncle's $ and this was his wish. I know life is not fair and there's more in life than money. Maybe your DD2 will marry the next Bezos, or start her own company and sell it, or cure cancer, or win the lottery.

[Anonymous]

No, you can’t. Slim possibility that she can later, if she wants, perhaps, but also, no, not likely. Trusts are pretty firm legal creatures. “Inequity” from your perspective isn’t going to dictate a legal change. It’s a legal entity created for a specific purpose. Talk to a lawyer, sure, but don’t spend a significant chunk of change on it. You won’t be able to change it.

[Anonymous]

YOu may not be able to change the terms of the trust. However, depending on the language, your older DD could draw money out to pay for her sibling and nephew's college or house downpayments as she could for her own, if it specifies the money is to be used for education or housing but not hers specifically. In fact she may find the language to be pretty limiting for herself as well so that she'd only be able to pull money out for certain things anyway.

[Anonymous]

Well, don't tell her or the other kids about it until you absolutely have to (whatever age she legally gets it). That way it minimizes the time for knowledge of her windfall to influence her future planning. Like, if she doesn't find out until she is 18 and accepted to college, almost finished with high school that's something.

[Anonymous]

Wow, he definitely dynamited family relationships on the way out. You now have on rich daughter and other kids who are not. I'd transfer any 529s that you own with her as the beneficiary to the other kids, but there is really nothing you can do.