Worst emotional pain you have ever felt?

[Anonymous]

Getting the call that my dad went into cardiac arrest while in the hospital for pneumonia and was now on life support. I got several more terrible calls during that period and I mostly laid awake every night with my phone next to me crying and waiting for the next bad call. He eventually pulled through but is physically and mentally a different man. I think the extended ICU stay + rehab + everything that went along with it took years off my life.

[Anonymous]

Dealing with my mentally ill son who refuses help and is spiraling downward every day. He lives in my house and every day I worry this is the day he will take his own life. He blames me for things that are not my fault. I have spent hours, days, weeks, months and years trying to help him.....Along with over $120,000 in treatment. I am exhausted and drowning in personal pain watching someone I love so much hurt. I can live with him blaming me if it means he will live a pain-free life, but I know he won't. He will need to hit rock bottom to realize he needs to learn how to live in the world he is in, not the world he wants....

[Anonymous]

It was a weird and specific incident. Basically a former friend and mentor said some unspeakably cruel thing to me at a moment when I was already in a very low place mentally. I don’t think realized how close to the edge of something dangerous I was until this happened. It was t just about this incident— I was dealing with some childhood trauma resurfacing, and a hormone change that was causing depression, and then this person who’d been an important mentor figure to me talked to me in this extremely critical, harsh way, and it pushed me over the edge.

The subsequent year were the most emotionally tumultuous of my life. I started self harming and having regular thoughts about suicide. I woke up every morning feeling like I had no value to other adults. Literally the thing that saved me was that I had young children, and they gave me purpose, a reason to live, and a reminder that I had value to someone. It was also scary though, recognizing how much they needed me even when I was in that place.

Digging myself out of that is the most important thing I’ve ever done. Please be kind to people. Even if you don’t like someone or are angry with them. Remember that you don’t know where they might be. You don’t have to pile on or twist the knife. You don’t have to take out your issues on someone else. No one deserves to feel completely worthless. No one.

[Anonymous]

Blindsided by an affair. Or realizing my dad had sexually abused me as a child and my mom didn’t prevent it. Or being told I have having a miscarriage. Or being told that a specific, particular thing had gone inexplicably wrong with an IVF cycle (the trigger shot didn’t work, for folks who have done IVF); or watching my child have a mental health crisis. Or telling my mom that I was thinking about killing myself and having her say that she “couldn’t hear this from me right now.” Hard to choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband killed himself with me in the house. He had locked the bathroom door but I knew as soon as I heard the gunshot. I told myself I still had to open it just in case. It was either when I opened the door or when I was telling the 911 dispatcher that I didn’t know what to do.

I am so very sorry. I worked with people who had a spouse did by suicide and the sadness is profound. I hope you are ok.

[Anonymous]

Dealing with a depressed and suicidal husband and father and then finding out my daughter had bulimia.

Though I’m not sure it was emotional “pain” rather intense stress that ripped me up from the inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband killed himself with me in the house. He had locked the bathroom door but I knew as soon as I heard the gunshot. I told myself I still had to open it just in case. It was either when I opened the door or when I was telling the 911 dispatcher that I didn’t know what to do.

I am so sorry. My husband did the same. In our house. By far the worst day of my life and the ripples still remain. It is so sad and hard to believe. I am so sorry PP.

[Anonymous]

The range in this thread is so wide. When I broke up with my boyfriend to when husband died of suicide.

[Anonymous]

Probably when I had a serious cancer scare and was waiting on multiple results. My kids were in preschool and the thought of leaving them without a mother and also never getting a chance to see them grow up absolutely gutted me. There are more incidents but this one really sticks out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband killed himself with me in the house. He had locked the bathroom door but I knew as soon as I heard the gunshot. I told myself I still had to open it just in case. It was either when I opened the door or when I was telling the 911 dispatcher that I didn’t know what to do.

I am so sorry. My husband did the same. In our house. By far the worst day of my life and the ripples still remain. It is so sad and hard to believe. I am so sorry PP.

I am so sorry for you both. So traumatizing for everyone left behind.

[Anonymous]

Watching my husband die of cancer and looking at our sweet children's faces knowing they would grow up with out a dad and experience unspeakable heart break along with mine.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry everyone had to go through these heart wrenching events. Especially the mentions of suicide, it's horrible to lose a loved one this way.

[Anonymous]

Death of a child. But for me not finding out about the death, not the funeral, not the burial, but the first day back to work. Probably 7 months later. Just putting in my pantyhose and realizing my life, and the rest of the world, has to resume. I just know there would be a before and an after and the two worlds would never mesh. That feeling, was very peculiarly earth shattering. Just driving in my car, taking that same commute I always took, knowing that I was going to half to fake it for the rest of my life and pretend I’m in this before world still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dealing with my mentally ill son who refuses help and is spiraling downward every day. He lives in my house and every day I worry this is the day he will take his own life. He blames me for things that are not my fault. I have spent hours, days, weeks, months and years trying to help him.....Along with over $120,000 in treatment. I am exhausted and drowning in personal pain watching someone I love so much hurt. I can live with him blaming me if it means he will live a pain-free life, but I know he won't. He will need to hit rock bottom to realize he needs to learn how to live in the world he is in, not the world he wants....

I am the PP who feels like it’s a tie between my brothers death and my sons first suicide attempt. I know your pain. Tuesday is the four year anniversary of the first hospitalization. I can’t tell you how often my entire body screams with pain and my chest feels like it’s on fire. I know what it feels like to spend the mortgage money on treatment because you have to make a choice and you have to choose your child over your credit rating. I’m terrified of rock bottom - which I thought we hit so many times only to learn it can get worse- because on the way up, when energy returns and the realization of how bad it can be intersect is a very dangerous time.

I wish you peace and your son healing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband killed himself with me in the house. He had locked the bathroom door but I knew as soon as I heard the gunshot. I told myself I still had to open it just in case. It was either when I opened the door or when I was telling the 911 dispatcher that I didn’t know what to do.

I am so sorry. My husband did the same. In our house. By far the worst day of my life and the ripples still remain. It is so sad and hard to believe. I am so sorry PP.

I am so sorry.