How did you know it was time to "break up" with your best friend?

[Anonymous]

Not my “best” friend, but a close one. When she planned a big group girls weekend near where I had recently moved and didn’t include me. It was a group of mutual friends, many of whom didn’t realize I hadn’t been invited and started reaching out for travel tips since I was “local.” Most of them thought it was intentionally planned to be near me. I was really hurt and embarrassed and finally had the guts to ask her what was up and got a completely BS “maybe next time!” answer. Technically, I guess she dumped me, but I no longer respond to messages and have no interest in feigning friendship.

[Anonymous]

The end old story of the one-sided friendship. She would continuously pressure me into inviting her to my family events. The friendship felt more of a last call when it was convenient for her. The women never once would ask me how I was doing when sitting in my own home. Looking back on the situation she was a full blow narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Friendship faded out when her marriage fell apart. Husband and I agreed not get into the middle of the marital issues. We eventually decided the divorce battle, bad mouthing each other was not something we wanted in our lives. As another poster said, slow fade out was the only way to remove ourselves gracefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was a slow thing. I realized that all we were doing was talking about her issues. Her job, her kids, her partner. Do not get me wrong, I loved to listen. I felt like she did not return the favor. The problem is that she did have a more important and harder job, I did not had a kid, or partner issues. She actually asked me once to talk about my problems but then any time I did talk about them she complained that it was too much and she did not have space/time. She took took took and then my therapist said it was toxic. My therapist explained at as sunk costs. I kept throwing more attention at her hoping she would be a good friend eventually and I did not break it off but tried to be less emotionally involved. I felt sad because she did not many friends but I guess this is why.

Can anyone else relate?

I can relate! I would listen and commiserate, but when I tried to talk about my problems, she'd say, "I don't want to hear it!"

I discovered that I was drawn to friends who were charismatic, accomplished, self centered, and cruel. Once I realized this, things got easier.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I still get sad if I think about it. We went in middle school and broke up/faded in college.

She ended up going to an advanced placement school that I recommended her and she told me she wasn’t going. I had also gotten into that school but wanted to be twins so I didn’t go on the first day. That was the slow start of our friendship ending. She started hanging out with international friends who bad mouthed me. We were still super close, sleepovers. I was the only one with a car and would drive her most places. but then I broke up with my boyfriend and was sooo sad. I don’t know if the new friends i influenced her but she wasn’t there for me. Whenever I wanted to talk she was busy. We ended up taking a college course together and that was that. She less and less spoke to me.

I later heard from a mutual friend saying that I was too selfish. Which is ironic given the fact I was the one who drove her everywhere and told her about that school. If I was selfish so was she she as any teenager would be. I still get upset and really thought we’d be friends for a long time. I’d like to reach out, but don’t want to get slapped in the face after all these years. I’m 38 now so it’s been a long time.

[Anonymous]

What does a narcissist best friend look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was a slow thing. I realized that all we were doing was talking about her issues. Her job, her kids, her partner. Do not get me wrong, I loved to listen. I felt like she did not return the favor. The problem is that she did have a more important and harder job, I did not had a kid, or partner issues. She actually asked me once to talk about my problems but then any time I did talk about them she complained that it was too much and she did not have space/time. She took took took and then my therapist said it was toxic. My therapist explained at as sunk costs. I kept throwing more attention at her hoping she would be a good friend eventually and I did not break it off but tried to be less emotionally involved. I felt sad because she did not many friends but I guess this is why.

Can anyone else relate?

I can relate! I would listen and commiserate, but when I tried to talk about my problems, she'd say, "I don't want to hear it!"

I discovered that I was drawn to friends who were charismatic, accomplished, self centered, and cruel. Once I realized this, things got easier.

oh god me too although i havent changed anything yet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does a narcissist best friend look like?

One who has a miscarriage at six weeks, and then tells somebody who had a stillbirth that she expected more sympathy from them of all people, since the woman who had a stillbirth should understand what she was going through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can tell you that I wish I’d done it a decade earlier.

A DECADE? What was going on?

I let stuff go for a long time, that’s all. Let all of her lying slide. Told myself it was OK. It wasn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friendship faded out when her marriage fell apart. Husband and I agreed not get into the middle of the marital issues. We eventually decided the divorce battle, bad mouthing each other was not something we wanted in our lives. As another poster said, slow fade out was the only way to remove ourselves gracefully.

Were they both at fault in their divorce?

[Anonymous]

I am going through this right now. In my 40s and I will admit I have had some drama in my life: divorced young, later adolescent experiences, grad school, got remarried, had kids and struggled with discrimination in the work place (becauseof kids/race). I made a lot of hard choices to make sure my family and I are in a good place. My former best friend just always had it together in a way I didn't: met her now husband as a freshman in college, grad school, bought a house, got married, bought a bigger house. She is child free and loves her dogs. Her life is seemingly perfect but she has a mean a streak at times and I wonder how happy she is. I always ask her how she is doing and she just never answers. I finally just stopped. I recently figured out she blocked me from seeing her posts on FB. So I guess we are done.