What is with the procrastination and inertia?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son doesn't want to write anything that sounds "braggy" or "self promotional." Needless to say, he's not having an easy time of it.

Oh god. This is my son. He's a junior now. Am not looking forward to next year. He's already pushing back on even thinking about colleges yet since "it's two years away".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are a year away from being in college. What hovering do you expect you will be doing for them then?

A year is a long time in the maturity of a teen. It gives them a lot of time to grow up. In my experience girls are often better at this stuff than boys are at this age. I’ve been pretty hands off of school stuff since about fourth grade but I was surprised at how time-consuming and confusing this process is and have no qualms with supporting my kid by providing structure and timelines. He goes to a huge public that doesn’t have a lot of support and his peers are not applying to the same types of colleges.

[Anonymous]

I feel you, OP. I do think there is a lot of anxiety-induced procrastination going on.

And for those who are shocked with regard to how involved parents are, there are a lot of moving parts to these apps. I’m used to handling complex projects and it’s still a bit daunting, mainly because every school does things slightly differently and the instructions are often vague and/or contradictory.

I’ve mostly just helped my DC make a list of things to do and reminded him on occasion that he needs to talk to his counselor to make sure, e.g., that his rec letters are in and going to the right places. Luckily, he’s got a very good and responsive counselor, or I would be helping more. But this process seems way more complicated than it needs to be — all of these on line portals and forms that are supposed to make things easier actually seem to make it more complicated.

The good news is that your kid may be doing better than you think. I thought my kid was way behind on essays, so I just took a peek at one that has multiple extra written questions, and he has already done most of them, and the answers are thoughtful and well-written. My quiet, private kid actually opened up about some things that he is usually reluctant to talk about, and the process of writing these college essays has led to some good conversations about his high school career and how far he’s come. It’s painful now, but, all in all, I think it’s going to have been a good experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are a year away from being in college. What hovering do you expect you will be doing for them then?

A year is a long time in the maturity of a teen. It gives them a lot of time to grow up. In my experience girls are often better at this stuff than boys are at this age. I’ve been pretty hands off of school stuff since about fourth grade but I was surprised at how time-consuming and confusing this process is and have no qualms with supporting my kid by providing structure and timelines. He goes to a huge public that doesn’t have a lot of support and his peers are not applying to the same types of colleges.

Same. And DS is at his first-choice college and doing fine navigating everything on his own. But he needed my help to teach him how to get through this process and provide structure and deadlines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am rather shocked how involved some of you are with your kids application process.

I think these are the parents who are going to be posting about what you do when your kids has a 1.8 GPA.

Part of picking a suitable school is thinking about executive function ability. The problem with parents helping kids too much with applications is that the kids get in over their head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are a year away from being in college. What hovering do you expect you will be doing for them then?

None. This is the last giant parenting hurdle aside from driving away from that first college dorm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am rather shocked how involved some of you are with your kids application process.

I think these are the parents who are going to be posting about what you do when your kids has a 1.8 GPA.

Part of picking a suitable school is thinking about executive function ability. The problem with parents helping kids too much with applications is that the kids get in over their head.

That has not been true in our case. DD with executive function issues and dyslexia but high IQ applied to colleges last year, and I helped with managing due dates, checking that her applications had all required parts etc. I helped her because she already was taking four APs and two honors classes last year. She got a 4.0 last year in HS and a 4.0 so far this year in college, with reasonable accommodations.

[Anonymous]

its stress. My DD was like this last year. Got an early start on her Common App essay and had that done by the time school started. The supplementals and filling in the full common app was majorly procrastinated. Her response when it was all said it done was that she just shut down from being overwhelmed and stressed about it. she did get everything done, including applying ED well before the deadline but it did feel like pulling teeth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP. I do think there is a lot of anxiety-induced procrastination going on.

And for those who are shocked with regard to how involved parents are, there are a lot of moving parts to these apps. I’m used to handling complex projects and it’s still a bit daunting, mainly because every school does things slightly differently and the instructions are often vague and/or contradictory.

I completely agree! The process is ridiculously complex, and despite the common app, every school has its own separate application questions and most competitive schools have extra essays. A kid who applies to six colleges (a modest number, these days) can easily end up writing ten or fifteen different essays. And they have to keep track of the deadlines, figure out how to use Naviance, navigate the testing process, figure out an application strategy in the age of ED, and on and on. The college application process is the workload equivalent of an extra course (and an extremely demanding extra course).

I don't think I could have navigated this at seventeen. My DD is a bright kid but has ADHD, and I think would struggle to get all these applications across the finish line without Mom making spreadsheets and doing some gentle nagging.

A PP argued that kids who can't navigate this stuff should not be applying to competitive colleges because they wont do well there. I disagree. At HYP etc, the hardest part is getting in. Having trouble with the insane application system at 17 doesn't say much of anything about a kid's future capabilities. (I'm a college professor...).

[Anonymous]

OP, if it makes you feel any better, exactly this time last year I was one of those over-involved moms with a serious procrastinator who lay in tears on his bed over supplemental essays he hadn't even started. Submitted apps late on the night of deadlines. Not sure he turned in much homework senior year either - he was one those kids barely limping across the finish line. Didn't end up where I thought he would, in part because he chose a program I didn't expect, a demanding one (EE).

Well. Hard to believe graduation was only five months ago. Just this week he was happy to have done well on a midterm and complained about the umpteen hours of homework he had. He's managing fine, having a typical college experience, and I couldn't be more thrilled.

App deadlines can be a very stressful time and I can't say I'd want to relive it. But, this too shall pass. It'll be ok!