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Summer birthdays....do you redshirt them, or put them in the big leagues?
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Anonymous
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My son's birthday is at the end of April, and he will be starting at one of the much-discussed preK-12 schools. In recent days I happen to have met 2 families entering the same school and grade as my son; both happen to have boys with summer birthdays (one in June, one in July), and both are being redshirted. So they will be almost a full year older than my son starting preK. They are so much bigger, and are already finishing a year of preK at their respective preschools. In some ways, they don't really even seem like my son's peers.
While I know that my son will be fine, I am now getting the sense that he may be one of the youngest boys in the class, which amazes me, since his birthday is more than 5 months before the cutoff date. I don't presume to know what the best decision is for others' children, but is this perhaps getting a little out of hand when children born 3-4 months ahead of the cutoff are held back? |
Anonymous
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to the PP, I posted previously with kids who did not redshirt.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. While it can be a little annoying, our experience has been that by second or third grade, all of the kids have generally evened out but the ones who are older (ie who have redshirted) begin to wonder what is wrong with them, since they are paired with kids who can be significantly younger. For our kids, it has been a badge of honor that they are at par or excel over the kids who are older. |
Anonymous
Absolutely nothing to teach a 4/5-year old??? If I heard that, I'd definitely move on just to get away from those teachers. |
Anonymous
| With respect to the 22:39 poster above, I think he/she makes a good point. Now, imagine that your child is three months younger than her or she actually is, and is being put into classes with those same older kids -- that's what the situation is for people who choose not to red shirt at some of these schools. Also, this pp is upset about a difference of less than a year in age between her child and classmates. Even if there was no red shirting, each grade includes children who are up to a year apart in age. She just seems upset that her child (unexpectedly to her, it seems) ended up the youngest when she hadn't realize that would be the case. |
Anonymous
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21:39 here: I'm not upset that my child may be among the youngest boys. I am certain that he'll be fine, although yes, I do find it surprising that he will apparently be among the youngest in the grade. I hadn't given much thought to the red-shirting issue until meeting these parents.
I do think that there's a little gaming of the system: if the cutoff date is September 1, then many parents are going to hold back kids born in August. Some parents see that it's almost a given now that August birthday kids are held back, so they then hold back their July birthday kids. And now we have apparently moved on to holding back June kids. Are we really going to move into May and April birthdays next, getting close to half a year from the actual cut-off date? It just seems a little silly. |
Anonymous
| We have a June boy who will be 6 in K next year. That was the grade he was accepted for. It was K at the private school we love or 1st at our local public. We chose private because the private school has the type of educational environment we want for him. I was one of the youngest kids in my class. I did well academically but in middle school I felt that kids were starting to get into things (dating, drinking, etc.) that I wasn't ready for. I handled it constructively but some of my friends didn't. If my son ever asks why he is older, I will explain why and I do not think he will think there is something wrong with him. |
Anonymous
| They try to laugh it off in middle school and high school but there is the , "you failed preschool??" thing that goes on with boys. Even if they are held back in preschool they still know it and it is a problem for the smart ones. They just don't get the respect they deserve for their academics from their peers. |
Anonymous
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To the PP...that kind of teasing actually starts as early as K or first grade. I have seen many redshirted kids deflated because they are wondering why they are stuck with kids so much younger, why they can't participate on the same soccer, basketball or baseball teams as their classmates, etc.
I am not sure why parents game the system for the "gift of time", but if they don't have the confidence in their kid to hack it with children in their peer cohort to hold them back, then they can deal with the fallout they created. |
Anonymous
| 21:39 here again. Aren't some of these responses a little cruel? I don't think the red-shirting trend is great, but some of you seem to relish the idea of older kids being teased about being older. Come on, it's a decision made by parents. |
Anonymous
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The teasing issue seems irrelevant because kids are always going to be teased about something. Too old, too young, too tall, too short etc.
It comes down to your child's specific situation. I had put my DS with a May birthday in Kindergarten without holding him back. He was one of the youngest in the classroom. In addition, he learned to read later than his peers and school was also harder for him than his friends. The differences did not disappear by third grade. While his grades were good and he had good friends, it was always a lot harder for him. He needed constant help with his homework and did not always understand the teacher. When we switched him from public to private I had him repeat a year since the private school was far ahead of the public school. It was a great decision and he has really thrived this year. Now he is one of the oldest instead of one of the youngest. It seems to work better for him. Each child's situation is different and red shirting is not just to give kids a chance to dominate in sports and maybe academics. It just might be your child needs the extra time since schools have become academic at such an early age. |
Anonymous
I actually see this in my DS first grade class. There is redshirted boy who says, " I could be in second grade," to which everyone replies, "Then why aren't you?!" I actually feel for the kid because you can tell he doesn't have an answer that he's okay with. |
Anonymous
| My DS was red shirted and is in 4th grade and has never ever been teased about it. no one cares. granted, he doesn't say things like "I could be in 5th grade," because he doesn't care either. I don't know of any other family that says their red shirted child has been teased. I'm not saying it doesn't happen -- I'm sure it does -- but I don't think its a big deal. |
Anonymous
| To the pp, when was your child redshirted? Are there other boys in his class who were not redshirted? If so, any thoughts on whether it works our both ways or whether one seems a better approach? We are debating what to do now with our almost 5 year old summer boy. Hard to know at this age what's best for them in the future.... |
Anonymous
| Honestly, I think that they should do away with it all and leave the cut-off dates as they are. You should be required to go into the grade that you age into period. No one has to wonder if their kid is ready. No one has to wonder if they will be too advanced. No one has to decide what is exactly right given so little information about the future. No one is trying to give their kid a leg up. It just is the chance of a bday, end of story. Back to basics everyone, imo. There are older kids and younger kids, but at least everyone will fall within the same year and not more than that. |
Anonymous
This I don't get. A kid with a May birthday? How is May even remotely a late birthday? Things are getting ridiculous. If your child has visible learning issues at an early age then I can see holding them back - if not, send them to school. Anyone with a spring birthday shouldn't be allowed to be held back - it's not fair to all the other kids who will be in their class the next year! |