Is it a red flag if someone is in therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The red flag isn't therapy, to me as someone who has been to therapy and recommended it. IF I were your brother I'd be concerned she's not in a stable enough place for a relationship and be able to be a partner.


But another red flag is a busybody sister and BIL.

Seriously.

He wants to bring her to our house for the holidays. It isn’t like we are trying to hang out with them. I couldn’t care less who he has flings with. I care who will become family.

Good, God! You're going to be the SIL from hell!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Brother starting dating a new girl and within the first few weeks, she said that she needed to discuss her feelings with her therapist. She is on some meds and sees a therapist. She also seems to have a lot of issues and baggage. She is mid 30s. DH and I think these are all bad signs and think brother should move on.

Would you think someone on meds and seeing a therapist regularly would be a red flag?

I feel like it should be all fun and good times in the beginning.

Seeing a therapist and taking meds aren’t necessarily a problem, but the highlighted items are problems. She sounds abnormally dependent on a therapist to define her feelings. Not sure what the “issues and baggage” is, but agree that if someone leads with their issues and baggage at the beginning of dating, it’s only further downhill from there. Having kids requires focus, selflessness and maturity. I would want my partner to have those qualities to ensure the kids have the support they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh.

So your brother is in a new relationship and his girlfriend and needs to talk to her therapist and he divulged that to you? And you think it’s wise to get involved and write about it on an anonymous forum to seek strangers advice. Are you planning on getting further involved and passing on this advice to your brother, who presumably is in his 30’s?

And you think the red flag is for her?

She has a ticking biological clock.

He is looking for a wife, not trying to casually date. He wanted to bring her over for the holidays.

It’s October 21st. They are in a new relationship and this is about her joining for the holidays? Maybe she’s at the therapist saying this guy only want to date “wife” material and wants me to commit to Christmas with his family after a short period of time. Is this a red flag? Lol

Absolutely, both he and you are massive red flags. Dear god I hope she bails.

[Anonymous]

Definitely suspicious. Would he date a diabetic? Anyone who gets regular pap smears? Obviously not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh.

So your brother is in a new relationship and his girlfriend and needs to talk to her therapist and he divulged that to you? And you think it’s wise to get involved and write about it on an anonymous forum to seek strangers advice. Are you planning on getting further involved and passing on this advice to your brother, who presumably is in his 30’s?

And you think the red flag is for her?

She has a ticking biological clock.

He is looking for a wife, not trying to casually date. He wanted to bring her over for the holidays.

It’s October 21st. They are in a new relationship and this is about her joining for the holidays? Maybe she’s at the therapist saying this guy only want to date “wife” material and wants me to commit to Christmas with his family after a short period of time. Is this a red flag? Lol

Absolutely, both he and you are massive red flags. Dear god I hope she bails.

Thanksgiving is next month. Don’t know about you but everyone we know is making thanksgiving plans.

[Anonymous]

Yes - definite red flag.

Maybe when the person fully recovers it would be OK. But dating a mentally ill person is a terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes - definite red flag.

Maybe when the person fully recovers it would be OK. But dating a mentally ill person is a terrible idea.

You don't have to be mentally ill to be in therapy. You don't even have to have something to recover from.
Therapy is just talking to someone who gets paid to listen to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes - definite red flag.

Maybe when the person fully recovers it would be OK. But dating a mentally ill person is a terrible idea.

You don't have to be mentally ill to be in therapy. You don't even have to have something to recover from.
Therapy is just talking to someone who gets paid to listen to you.

Isn’t that what friends and family are for?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in therapy on and off for 20 years, beginning when my brother died when I was a teenager. Since then, I’ve lost both parents, a husband, gone through “normal” life challenges, etc. Having a therapist means I’m not constantly dumping that stuff on someone else who is dealing with their own issues. It gives me a complete outsider’s perspective on situations I’m dealing with.

I’d be more concerned if a person in their 30’s couldn’t recognize the need to be in therapy. I’d also be concerned if my boyfriend’s sister is the type of person to fret over someone else doing something positive for their well-being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes - definite red flag.

Maybe when the person fully recovers it would be OK. But dating a mentally ill person is a terrible idea.

You don't have to be mentally ill to be in therapy. You don't even have to have something to recover from.
Therapy is just talking to someone who gets paid to listen to you.

Isn’t that what friends and family are for?

Not everyone has friends and family they can talk to like that. Seriously?! I’m not in therapy and have no mental health issues I’m aware of really but I can completely understand why someone would go to therapy if they feel they need to talk to someone. We all have issues to talk through. Not all of us are blessed w good friends/family to talk to about our issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes - definite red flag.

Maybe when the person fully recovers it would be OK. But dating a mentally ill person is a terrible idea.

You don't have to be mentally ill to be in therapy. You don't even have to have something to recover from.
Therapy is just talking to someone who gets paid to listen to you.

Isn’t that what friends and family are for?

Most people don't want to overburden their friends and have one-sided relationships. But yes, a lot of men do use the women in their life as free therapists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes - definite red flag.

Maybe when the person fully recovers it would be OK. But dating a mentally ill person is a terrible idea.

You don't have to be mentally ill to be in therapy. You don't even have to have something to recover from.
Therapy is just talking to someone who gets paid to listen to you.

Isn’t that what friends and family are for?

Friends and family gossip

[Anonymous]

As a divorced mom of 45, I would probably not date someone who hasn't done therapy by now, especially if they are divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being in therapy is very common and normal. So is being on meds.
Lots of people suffer from anxiety and depression, particular in the UMC and in urban areas.

I personally think it's more of a red flag if an adult has never once been to therapy.

plus a gazillion. I’m much more weary of people that never had any therapy at all.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends - and I’m in therapy.