Is it a red flag if someone is in therapy?

[Anonymous]

Brother starting dating a new girl and within the first few weeks, she said that she needed to discuss her feelings with her therapist. She is on some meds and sees a therapist. She also seems to have a lot of issues and baggage. She is mid 30s. DH and I think these are all bad signs and think brother should move on.

Would you think someone on meds and seeing a therapist regularly would be a red flag?

I feel like it should be all fun and good times in the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Not necessarily. It's a red flag if she needed help, but didn't seek therapy

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course. Mental illness is a disease like any other. But making a life with a sick person is harder than making a life with a healthy person.

[Anonymous]

Depends. I’m not on meds and in therapy but I have trouble thinking of a friend who isn’t or hasn’t been at some point. It’s a lot more common now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. Mental illness is a disease like any other. But making a life with a sick person is harder than making a life with a healthy person.

Thing is so much of mental health doesn’t show up until later in a marriage because people mask it. OP’s brother’s GF isn’t, so maybe that is a positive. She is working on it before the marriage. Hard to know. Is she independent and functional?

[Anonymous]

Being in therapy is very common and normal. So is being on meds.
Lots of people suffer from anxiety and depression, particular in the UMC and in urban areas.

I personally think it's more of a red flag if an adult has never once been to therapy.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely a red flag. It's one thing to seek therapy to resolve a problem, another to not be able to function without being in therapy. And if someone needs so much therapy that she can't take some time off of dating to do it, then she probably is far too traumatized to be a good partner.

Plus, I would never date someone taking psychotropic meds. BTDT, will never do that again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. Mental illness is a disease like any other. But making a life with a sick person is harder than making a life with a healthy person.

Thing is so much of mental health doesn’t show up until later in a marriage because people mask it. OP’s brother’s GF isn’t, so maybe that is a positive. She is working on it before the marriage. Hard to know. Is she independent and functional?

You're seriously asking if she's "independent and functional"? I've been in therapy and on meds for thirty years. I also am a partner at my law firm, own two houses, am married with two kids, run marathons, have friends, etc.

Also, I should mention that "mental health" is not the same thing as "mental health problems" or "mental health issues".
It doesn't make sense to say "mental health doesn't show up until later".

You're very ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Brother starting dating a new girl and within the first few weeks, she said that she needed to discuss her feelings with her therapist. She is on some meds and sees a therapist. She also seems to have a lot of issues and baggage. She is mid 30s. DH and I think these are all bad signs and think brother should move on.

Would you think someone on meds and seeing a therapist regularly would be a red flag?

I feel like it should be all fun and good times in the beginning.

Not a red flag flag. It would be a problem if she didn't get help. The stigma in this country for depression is so bad, men on wall street use prostitutes to talk to after a bad day over a friend or counselor.

[Anonymous]

Men are such backward simpletons, it's unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

The red flag isn't therapy, to me as someone who has been to therapy and recommended it. IF I were your brother I'd be concerned she's not in a stable enough place for a relationship and be able to be a partner.


But another red flag is a busybody sister and BIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are such backward simpletons, it's unbelievable.

I don't understand these comments at all. What does therapy have to do with having time to date or having fun? In most cases, therapy means talking to a person for 50 minutes per week. That's it. I feel like men think being in therapy is like something out of One Few Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

[Anonymous]

Yes I think it’s a bad sign. The people I know in therapy have issues. Big ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. Mental illness is a disease like any other. But making a life with a sick person is harder than making a life with a healthy person.

Agree. At some point she’ll have to disclose all her diagnoses. Maybe it’s just anxiety, maybe it’s other disorders driving the anxiety.

I’d proceed with caution. Many mental disorders are no joke and are hereditary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely a red flag. It's one thing to seek therapy to resolve a problem, another to not be able to function without being in therapy. And if someone needs so much therapy that she can't take some time off of dating to do it, then she probably is far too traumatized to be a good partner.

Plus, I would never date someone taking psychotropic meds. BTDT, will never do that again!

All good points.

Big difference between going in for a tune up or after misunderstandings versus repairing trauma or managing other disorders.