Inflexibility with Mom's job as it relates to seeing her Grandkids

[Anonymous]

Yeah, why can’t you take a few days off work every now and then and take kids out of daycare? Your dilemma literally makes no sense - the solution is beyond simple.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I think people are being hard on you, OP. At the end of the day, it’s a bummer when grandparents have little interest in seeing their grandkids. Your mom’s work is her priority and my guess is that won’t change. So, figure out how you want to handle it *in a way that minimizes resentment* and go from there.

My in-laws have a hobby that keeps them very busy and which they have made abundantly clear is their top priority. It’s hurtful, but it’s also their loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mom works as a Director of a small non-profit. She's been there for six years, but has been involved with them for much longer. She was previously in a typical high powered corporate job before getting laid off, so this role is a nice change of pace. She generally likes the job, and it's pretty flexible, except for one issue: this organization puts on events every Sunday during the school year. My Mom is generally occupied from 10am-5/6pm or so each Sunday. From my understanding, her presence at each Sunday event isn't 100% necessary, and it would be possible for her to delegate some of those tasks to other staff members, but it's one of those things where "we've always done it this way, so might as well keep doing it."

To give some background, here's a list of my siblings, their locations relative to where my parents live, and the ages of their children:


Me and DH: 13 month old, seven hour drive
Sibling A and spouse: Twin 10 month olds, four hour drive
Sibling B and spouse: six month old, five hour drive
Sibling C and spouse: no kids, 10 hour drive/two hour flight


In the past, it's sort of been this unspoken arrangement that during the school year when my Mom has her Sunday's booked, we'd be the ones to visit our parents. It wasn't ideal, but we'd do it. However, now that three of us have young kids close in age, traveling is pretty difficult, especially since all the grandkids are in daycare. My Mom has said "oh, we can come to visit during the week!" but again, since all the grandkids are in daycare, it seems like there's little point to doing that.

As our kids get older, my siblings and I are worried that it's going to be basically impossible to see our parents on a weekend during the school year given my Mom's job, especially once the kids start getting older and having their own activities. I gently pressed my Mom about if she'd consider finding an alternative to being at her work events every Sunday (ex. taking one Sunday off and finding other staff members to cover), and her response was "oh no, I couldn't do that! I couldn't do that to the staff, and how would it look if I wasn't there every Sunday?"

I can't help but feel frustrated that she's putting the needs of her job over seeing her own Grandchildren? Am I out of line in thinking this way? Is there anything I can do?

I don't understand what you are saying here OP. There is no harm at all in pulling your kids out of daycare - it's not like pulling them out of school. Go see your mom during the week.

Do you get that OP’s kids are in daycare because she and her spouse (wait for it) ARE WORKING? So why should OP and/or her spouse take time off work, if grandma isn’t even willing to do that on a weekend?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mom works as a Director of a small non-profit. She's been there for six years, but has been involved with them for much longer. She was previously in a typical high powered corporate job before getting laid off, so this role is a nice change of pace. She generally likes the job, and it's pretty flexible, except for one issue: this organization puts on events every Sunday during the school year. My Mom is generally occupied from 10am-5/6pm or so each Sunday. From my understanding, her presence at each Sunday event isn't 100% necessary, and it would be possible for her to delegate some of those tasks to other staff members, but it's one of those things where "we've always done it this way, so might as well keep doing it."

To give some background, here's a list of my siblings, their locations relative to where my parents live, and the ages of their children:


Me and DH: 13 month old, seven hour drive
Sibling A and spouse: Twin 10 month olds, four hour drive
Sibling B and spouse: six month old, five hour drive
Sibling C and spouse: no kids, 10 hour drive/two hour flight


In the past, it's sort of been this unspoken arrangement that during the school year when my Mom has her Sunday's booked, we'd be the ones to visit our parents. It wasn't ideal, but we'd do it. However, now that three of us have young kids close in age, traveling is pretty difficult, especially since all the grandkids are in daycare. My Mom has said "oh, we can come to visit during the week!" but again, since all the grandkids are in daycare, it seems like there's little point to doing that.

As our kids get older, my siblings and I are worried that it's going to be basically impossible to see our parents on a weekend during the school year given my Mom's job, especially once the kids start getting older and having their own activities. I gently pressed my Mom about if she'd consider finding an alternative to being at her work events every Sunday (ex. taking one Sunday off and finding other staff members to cover), and her response was "oh no, I couldn't do that! I couldn't do that to the staff, and how would it look if I wasn't there every Sunday?"

I can't help but feel frustrated that she's putting the needs of her job over seeing her own Grandchildren? Am I out of line in thinking this way? Is there anything I can do?

I don't understand what you are saying here OP. There is no harm at all in pulling your kids out of daycare - it's not like pulling them out of school. Go see your mom during the week.

Do you get that OP’s kids are in daycare because she and her spouse (wait for it) ARE WORKING? So why should OP and/or her spouse take time off work, if grandma isn’t even willing to do that on a weekend?!

Two things.

1. They wouldn't even have to take off work if they would just let the grandma visit during the week.
2. The grandmother too is working, so at best it is "Equal" in terms of burden/obligation. Your "isn't even" willing and reference to the weekend have nothing to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mom works as a Director of a small non-profit. She's been there for six years, but has been involved with them for much longer. She was previously in a typical high powered corporate job before getting laid off, so this role is a nice change of pace. She generally likes the job, and it's pretty flexible, except for one issue: this organization puts on events every Sunday during the school year. My Mom is generally occupied from 10am-5/6pm or so each Sunday. From my understanding, her presence at each Sunday event isn't 100% necessary, and it would be possible for her to delegate some of those tasks to other staff members, but it's one of those things where "we've always done it this way, so might as well keep doing it."

To give some background, here's a list of my siblings, their locations relative to where my parents live, and the ages of their children:


Me and DH: 13 month old, seven hour drive
Sibling A and spouse: Twin 10 month olds, four hour drive
Sibling B and spouse: six month old, five hour drive
Sibling C and spouse: no kids, 10 hour drive/two hour flight


In the past, it's sort of been this unspoken arrangement that during the school year when my Mom has her Sunday's booked, we'd be the ones to visit our parents. It wasn't ideal, but we'd do it. However, now that three of us have young kids close in age, traveling is pretty difficult, especially since all the grandkids are in daycare. My Mom has said "oh, we can come to visit during the week!" but again, since all the grandkids are in daycare, it seems like there's little point to doing that.

As our kids get older, my siblings and I are worried that it's going to be basically impossible to see our parents on a weekend during the school year given my Mom's job, especially once the kids start getting older and having their own activities. I gently pressed my Mom about if she'd consider finding an alternative to being at her work events every Sunday (ex. taking one Sunday off and finding other staff members to cover), and her response was "oh no, I couldn't do that! I couldn't do that to the staff, and how would it look if I wasn't there every Sunday?"

I can't help but feel frustrated that she's putting the needs of her job over seeing her own Grandchildren? Am I out of line in thinking this way? Is there anything I can do?

I don't understand what you are saying here OP. There is no harm at all in pulling your kids out of daycare - it's not like pulling them out of school. Go see your mom during the week.

Do you get that OP’s kids are in daycare because she and her spouse (wait for it) ARE WORKING? So why should OP and/or her spouse take time off work, if grandma isn’t even willing to do that on a weekend?!

??? The grandma WORKS on the weekend. Why should she have to take off if it is OP making the big deal about the visit? This is OP's "problem" to fix, not the mother's.

[Anonymous]

OP you are super unreasonable. If your mom wants to drive 7 hours during the week to see your kids, terrific! She can pull them from daycare and take them to the zoo or whatever. I don’t see the problem. It’s not like they’re in high school.

[Anonymous]

You want her to give up her job because you all had pandemic babies and decided her time was best served driving 4-10 hours to see you every weekend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want her to give up her job because you all had pandemic babies and decided her time was best served driving 4-10 hours to see you every weekend?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Someone who prioritizes daycare over seeing Grandma can't possibly complain that Grandma prioritizes a career she's compassionate about.

I mean they could, but they should probably keep a thought that selfish in their head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone who prioritizes daycare over seeing Grandma can't possibly complain that Grandma prioritizes a career she's compassionate about.

I mean they could, but they should probably keep a thought that selfish in their head.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Mom works as a Director of a small non-profit. She's been there for six years, but has been involved with them for much longer. She was previously in a typical high powered corporate job before getting laid off, so this role is a nice change of pace. She generally likes the job, and it's pretty flexible, except for one issue: this organization puts on events every Sunday during the school year. My Mom is generally occupied from 10am-5/6pm or so each Sunday. From my understanding, her presence at each Sunday event isn't 100% necessary, and it would be possible for her to delegate some of those tasks to other staff members, but it's one of those things where "we've always done it this way, so might as well keep doing it."

To give some background, here's a list of my siblings, their locations relative to where my parents live, and the ages of their children:


Me and DH: 13 month old, seven hour drive
Sibling A and spouse: Twin 10 month olds, four hour drive
Sibling B and spouse: six month old, five hour drive
Sibling C and spouse: no kids, 10 hour drive/two hour flight


In the past, it's sort of been this unspoken arrangement that during the school year when my Mom has her Sunday's booked, we'd be the ones to visit our parents. It wasn't ideal, but we'd do it. However, now that three of us have young kids close in age, traveling is pretty difficult, especially since all the grandkids are in daycare. My Mom has said "oh, we can come to visit during the week!" but again, since all the grandkids are in daycare, it seems like there's little point to doing that.

As our kids get older, my siblings and I are worried that it's going to be basically impossible to see our parents on a weekend during the school year given my Mom's job, especially once the kids start getting older and having their own activities. I gently pressed my Mom about if she'd consider finding an alternative to being at her work events every Sunday (ex. taking one Sunday off and finding other staff members to cover), and her response was "oh no, I couldn't do that! I couldn't do that to the staff, and how would it look if I wasn't there every Sunday?"

I can't help but feel frustrated that she's putting the needs of her job over seeing her own Grandchildren? Am I out of line in thinking this way? Is there anything I can do?

Traveling not difficult with babies unless you have one that cries for two hours when they get in a car. If so, you go at night when they are asleep. BTDT. Plus, it is easy to pull kids out of daycare.

I get that three of your mother's children (who live away) had children basically at the same time and since she is still working, her time is already limited to come and visit. When I had children, we visited about 4x a year including holidays. We did a week long visit in the summer and either Thanksgiving or Christmas around the holidays (we alternated between families). Then we found a long weekend in the fall and in the spring- taking a day or two off to make it work. My parents were a 7 hours drive away. Sometimes DH did not come if the schedules did not work for him. You can choose to coordinate the visits with your siblings or not. When your parent's retire, they may or may not choose to visit more often.

How often do you visit your DHs family?

[Anonymous]

We live 7 hrs from my family and 3 hrs from DH’s family. We only see them in the summer and holidays or special events. It’s just too far to go for a random weekend. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

[Anonymous]

OP, you've made me feel better. I'm making it a priority to not work at 60 and I do the flying to see my children. No grandchildren yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mom works as a Director of a small non-profit. She's been there for six years, but has been involved with them for much longer. She was previously in a typical high powered corporate job before getting laid off, so this role is a nice change of pace. She generally likes the job, and it's pretty flexible, except for one issue: this organization puts on events every Sunday during the school year. My Mom is generally occupied from 10am-5/6pm or so each Sunday. From my understanding, her presence at each Sunday event isn't 100% necessary, and it would be possible for her to delegate some of those tasks to other staff members, but it's one of those things where "we've always done it this way, so might as well keep doing it."

To give some background, here's a list of my siblings, their locations relative to where my parents live, and the ages of their children:


Me and DH: 13 month old, seven hour drive
Sibling A and spouse: Twin 10 month olds, four hour drive
Sibling B and spouse: six month old, five hour drive
Sibling C and spouse: no kids, 10 hour drive/two hour flight


In the past, it's sort of been this unspoken arrangement that during the school year when my Mom has her Sunday's booked, we'd be the ones to visit our parents. It wasn't ideal, but we'd do it. However, now that three of us have young kids close in age, traveling is pretty difficult, especially since all the grandkids are in daycare. My Mom has said "oh, we can come to visit during the week!" but again, since all the grandkids are in daycare, it seems like there's little point to doing that.

As our kids get older, my siblings and I are worried that it's going to be basically impossible to see our parents on a weekend during the school year given my Mom's job, especially once the kids start getting older and having their own activities. I gently pressed my Mom about if she'd consider finding an alternative to being at her work events every Sunday (ex. taking one Sunday off and finding other staff members to cover), and her response was "oh no, I couldn't do that! I couldn't do that to the staff, and how would it look if I wasn't there every Sunday?"

I can't help but feel frustrated that she's putting the needs of her job over seeing her own Grandchildren? Am I out of line in thinking this way? Is there anything I can do?

I don't understand what you are saying here OP. There is no harm at all in pulling your kids out of daycare - it's not like pulling them out of school. Go see your mom during the week.

Do you get that OP’s kids are in daycare because she and her spouse (wait for it) ARE WORKING? So why should OP and/or her spouse take time off work, if grandma isn’t even willing to do that on a weekend?!

So, it sounds like Gma is willing to visit, but it would be on a weekend. Why can't kids stay home that day, and visit Gma or get picked up midday by Gma. Dinner with parents. Easy.

I don't understand why mom or dad taking off work is some terrible thing, but Gma taking off work is expected.

[Anonymous]

I don't see the point in worrying about how your mother is going to see the kids when they're older. If you mother is old enough to have multiple grandchildren, then I imagine she has retirement coming in the next few years, along with a more flexible schedule.