On a scale of 0-5, how involved are you in the app process?

[Anonymous]

This is an interesting topic, I'm not here yet with my kids but cannot fathom not being involved. My parents only provided the cc# as some mentioned. They had no clue what I wrote in my apps but I took them seriously. They didn't even tell me where to apply, I was aiming low until a teacher asked and suggested I aim higher. I am thankful they put that idea in my head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:0 being not even seeing anything they are doing and 5 being seeing it all, editing essays & filling in some forms/doing admin work.

I am a 4.5, honestly. But really he did all the good and hard work in HS - he just needs help organizing everything/presenting it.

0.5

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting topic, I'm not here yet with my kids but cannot fathom not being involved. My parents only provided the cc# as some mentioned. They had no clue what I wrote in my apps but I took them seriously. They didn't even tell me where to apply, I was aiming low until a teacher asked and suggested I aim higher. I am thankful they put that idea in my head.

So how involved do you think you'll be? My parents took me on tours and handed over the credit card, but everything else was my doing. It would have felt weird to ask them for help, although I guess I could have. But I was raised by parents who had high expectations about where we'd go to college, surrounded by other kids whose parents also had high expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6

NP. OP calls 5 "seeing it all," but there are definitely parents way above that. Doing it all. Or a lot of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First child, 1. Second child, 4.5. Really depends on the kid.

Same here

[Anonymous]

Continuing to laugh at the responses to this thread. Poster after poster insisting she was a zero. What are you doing, then, on a college admissions forum on DCUM, the most Type A website in the DMV?

By OP's definition I was at least a 4.5 for all four of my kids, each of whom were very different people. I had one who barely graduated high school, yet got a 780 verbal on the SAT. We were uber involved in finding a college that would accept her after she took a gap year.

I had two others who were smart and well-rounded and had good records and test scores but weren't the intellectual type and didn't obsess over colleges and would have been happy in any good school. We suggested a few places that wouldn't have considered themselves as safeties or alternatives to schools they had found themselves, looked over their applications and essays and offered suggestions, etc. And we had another kid who was very high achieving and headstrong who had concrete ideas for where she wanted to go and do. She floated those ideas by us and we gave our reactions -- including financial ones -- but in the end she did what she was going to do.

All four qualify as 4.5 or above by OP's definition. By OP's definition, a zero is when your kid says to you in the August after high school graduation "oh, by the way, I'm going to X college next week -- can you give me a ride?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting topic, I'm not here yet with my kids but cannot fathom not being involved. My parents only provided the cc# as some mentioned. They had no clue what I wrote in my apps but I took them seriously. They didn't even tell me where to apply, I was aiming low until a teacher asked and suggested I aim higher. I am thankful they put that idea in my head.

I'm definitely a lot more involved than my parents were. Partly that's just knowledge- I was first generation. My parents' main input was that my dad had a college that was his favorite place to recruit from and insisted I visited. I ended up loving it and went there. Otherwise, I don't think they even proof read anything for me and I was definitely a self starter who enjoyed doing the research to figure out where to apply (when there were a lot fewer resources!)

Now, I have two kids with ADHD so need more exec function support and I do research for work so I'm happy to bring those skills to bear in helping build their lists.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if these responses also depend on the level of real support given by counselors and staff at school. We basically have none. (4.5)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if these responses also depend on the level of real support given by counselors and staff at school. We basically have none. (4.5)

No. The responses depend on the level of self-delusion and denial by each poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First child, 1. Second child, 4.5. Really depends on the kid.

Same here

Opposite here - currently going through the application process with our oldest and we're probably at a 5. Kid 2 is only in MS and will probably need zero help or prodding along the way. Both wonderful kids with good hearts and solid grades - but just very different in terms of executive function and drive (and neurosis.) I often wish we could mix them together a bit and have a bit of balance between the super-chill easygoing kid who doesn't seem to care all that much and the super-anxious, overly motivated kid who's prone to caring too much about everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if these responses also depend on the level of real support given by counselors and staff at school. We basically have none. (4.5)

+1 It's easy to be a 0 or a 1 if you are paying a private counselor or for good counseling at a private school to do the "5" level involvement for you.

[Anonymous]

This is us. We hired someone who worked woth DD on applications, made the grid chart with deadlines, etc. DD showed us essays once they were done, and we took her on tours and paid the application fee. That's it.

DD #2 will be the same

If you have the $$, it makes perfect sense to throw $$ at this so you are not viewed as constantly nagging/applying pressure to DC for theapplications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting topic, I'm not here yet with my kids but cannot fathom not being involved. My parents only provided the cc# as some mentioned. They had no clue what I wrote in my apps but I took them seriously. They didn't even tell me where to apply, I was aiming low until a teacher asked and suggested I aim higher. I am thankful they put that idea in my head.

So how involved do you think you'll be? My parents took me on tours and handed over the credit card, but everything else was my doing. It would have felt weird to ask them for help, although I guess I could have. But I was raised by parents who had high expectations about where we'd go to college, surrounded by other kids whose parents also had high expectations.

This is the thing that people who say "0" may not be acknowledging--the whole life we've had with our kids does a lot of preparation for this. Our schools offer practice PSATs, give days off for them, they have been around educated adults and all their peers are going to be educated, their schools talk about the process, their teachers might work with them on their essays, they get tips from their friends on where to apply, tour etc. We don't have to be quite as involved because we've set them up in an environment that makes it relatively easy and natural. (I still am personally involved though--about a 2.5 I'd say--I suggested places to tour, I drove them there and accompanied, I discussed ED/EA strategies, I was a sounding board for essays and I helped them plan for and then TBH nag, nag, nag about deadlines). I think it's important to encourage your kids to ask for help. In my view, reasonable, sensible. and more likely to be successful adults are willing to ask for help/advice on novel tasks. Over the years I've supervised many more folks who erred by doing things independently without clarifying guidance than I have people who ask for too much help. The latter might be more annoying in the moment but usually chill out, but the former cause a lot more problems in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Probably a 4-5. They did their own essay with a tutor that I required and scheduled, but everything else I've been very involved in, from researching schools to getting the Common App filled in. Since school started this year, her counselor has reviewed applications and set deadlines so I've been able to pull back a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if these responses also depend on the level of real support given by counselors and staff at school. We basically have none. (4.5)

No. The responses depend on the level of self-delusion and denial by each poster.

Right we're all losers who don't see the light and know everything the way you do. So smart and self-assured and self-aware you are. Let us know when your Ted Talk is.