Would it be rude to ask for a covid test?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL is a widower in his 80s. He does not go out very often but is a firm anti-vaxxer. He has three young adult grandchildren living in his home who are also decidedly unvaxed. He is a homebody, they are not, and thus we have not visited their home since the pandemic started.

He has let us know that he will likely be alone on Christmas as the grandkids will be going on a cruise. I would like to invite him to have Christmas dinner and spend the holidays with us. Ordinarily, I would be okay with just wearing masks and social distancing for a short visit, but if he will be present during meals and for a longer duration, it would be nice if we could all go maskless.

Would it be out of line to ask him to get a covid test after the grandkids have Departed but before he comes to stay with us? He has never had a covid test before. I don't want to draw a hard line in the sand if he refuses, but my DH and I will be almost at the 6-month post-vax mark over the holidays and I really do not want to take a chance of getting sick.

How is the 80 plus year old anti-vaxxer getting to your house? Does he drive? How long is the drive? If he gets the test then goes to an airport, flies, he can get covid enroute and end up sick at your house. Living with 3 unvaccinated young adults will last how long before some one gets covid?

It's not rude to ask for testing and it's not rude to ask him to get vaccinated. If FIL GP was vaccinated he should till do the test especially living with those 3. Is he ok mentally? This whole situation stinks.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This is insane. You and your husband are fine to have his elderly parent alone on Christmas?

He is choosing to remain unvaxxed.

I would tell him that if he gets vaxxed and is willing to do a covid test, you would love to have him for Christmas. Otherwise, no.

Attempting to strong-arm him into getting vaccinated is wrong. Asking for the test is reasonable though not the most logical in this scenario.

Oh I’m totally fine with strong-arming someone to get vaccinated. But this isn’t even strong-arming. I only want to be around vaccinated people. If you aren’t vaccinated stay at home! Everyone is then making their own choices. And is accepting the consequences of those choices.

You are never going to be able to eliminate the presence of unvaccinated people. They will still be in grocery stores, restuarants, your kids' schools, your work place (unless you exclusively work from home), and many other places.

Yeah, cool. We are talking about inviting an unvaccinated person over to your home to eat a meal. So that’s a situation OP can totally control.

Of course she can. But "controlling" to the point of ostracizing an elderly parent on Christmas is pretty descpicable. OP, and those like her, should remember what behavior they are modeling for their own children.

Yeah, no. Don't invite anti-vax grandpa to Christmas. He has to live with the consequences of his choices and quite frankly, the anti-vax people deserve that they get. If that's getting COVID and dying when they could have gotten a safe, effective, and free vaccine any time in the last 6+ months, that's what they get. If that's being alone on Christmas because they refuse to participate in basic public safety decisions that are, again, safe, effective, and free, then that's what they get.

Honestly, I think it's admirable that OP is thinking about this at all. My husband's mother is also a strident anti-vaxxer and we are not seeing her either until the pandemic is over-over or she changes her mind. She understands that she's entirely in control of changing this dynamic and it's more important to her to cling her anti-vax propaganda than it is to see her son and granddaughters. If she called me today and said she was sad to be alone for the holidays, I would remind her that all she has to do is go get her vaccines (2 shot series, not J&J) and send me proof. Since she has lied to us in the past, "proof" needs to be a picture of her receiving the vaccine and a photo of the card with the date and dose # etc.

OP, don't listen to these PPs. You have the right to decide who comes in your house.

oh yeah. I remember you.

I'm not actually the poster you're thinking of, but I remember her too. That's where I got the idea. Wouldn't have been necessary if she hadn't lied about COVID stuff to get access to the kids in the past.

[Anonymous]

NOT as long as you plan on getting tested yourself.

[Anonymous]

No reason not to ask.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you say you should all get tested (including him) to be on the safe side? Even if you are vaccinated if you have a breakthrough case he could still get it from you especially as he is unvaccinated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you say you should all get tested (including him) to be on the safe side? Even if you are vaccinated if you have a breakthrough case he could still get it from you especially as he is unvaccinated.

This. There are more and more breakthrough cases. Everyone should get tested if you think he should. I’ve personally known a few with both Pfizer and Moderna who got Covid.

I don’t have anyone in my family test when we get together. Adults are vaccinated but kids under 12 are not and they go to school and play sports. But test if you are worried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its fine to ask but you may need to take him yourself.

Are you sure these unvaccinated grandkids are really going on a cruise? I thought you had to be vaccinated to go on most cruises.

+1

Cruise ships are requesting negative tests and some might be fully vaccinated cruises. I think it’s OK to ask him to test before he comes over but if you say he’s a homebody he probably doesn’t even have any exposures.

If he’s living with 3 unvaccinated people who are out and about he absolutely has exposures.

I would ask him to test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you say you should all get tested (including him) to be on the safe side? Even if you are vaccinated if you have a breakthrough case he could still get it from you especially as he is unvaccinated.

This. There are more and more breakthrough cases. Everyone should get tested if you think he should. I’ve personally known a few with both Pfizer and Moderna who got Covid.

I don’t have anyone in my family test when we get together. Adults are vaccinated but kids under 12 are not and they go to school and play sports. But test if you are worried.

We're thinking that we will have everyone test if we gather a couple families together for Thanksgiving since the kids will be unvaxed still. Just phrase it as the condition for everyone getting together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you say you should all get tested (including him) to be on the safe side? Even if you are vaccinated if you have a breakthrough case he could still get it from you especially as he is unvaccinated.

This. There are more and more breakthrough cases. Everyone should get tested if you think he should. I’ve personally known a few with both Pfizer and Moderna who got Covid.

I don’t have anyone in my family test when we get together. Adults are vaccinated but kids under 12 are not and they go to school and play sports. But test if you are worried.

We're thinking that we will have everyone test if we gather a couple families together for Thanksgiving since the kids will be unvaxed still. Just phrase it as the condition for everyone getting together.

But as I told my parents, I’m more worried about my unvaxxed kids giving it to them. They are around hundred of other unvaxxed people and eat together in a cafeteria every day. My parents are vaccinated but we know that is not 100%.