No sperm in the analysis

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, I’ve been there. My husband had that same diagnosis. We even went up to see the big guns in NYC at Weill-Cornell and had the exploratory surgery to see if they could retrieve even one sperm. There was nothing.

We were devastated. We ended up using a sperm donor and had a DD 11 years ago. She is the absolute light of my husband’s life. He has even said, “I am kind of glad I couldn’t have a biological child because I can’t imagine one any better than ours. I wouldn’t trade her for anything and wouldn’t go back and change things even if I could.” She has picked up aspects of his personality, and they are as close as any father/daughter pair.

I know you are grieving the children that you envisioned. This is not at all what you expected. It is hard to wrap your brain around it. It is hard to know what to say to your own husband. I wish I knew you IRL because I know how isolating it can feel. I wish you the very best as you decide your future path.

This is a truly kind, supportive, and best of all - hopeful response.

And to OP: hugs! There is hope.

Donor options are also better all the time, thankfully. There are “banks” with data on the donor to let you choose traits you would prefer your child to have.

Besides the traditional banks, you could decide together if natural insemination might be an option. It is generally the least expensive option. Plus, it allows you to meet the surrogate before hand and determine together if it would be a good fit.

[Anonymous]

This is not an insurmountable hurdle, OP. You can be a mom; just have to take some time, bond as a couple, and plan your next steps.

There is a support group for you right here on DCUM: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/forums/show/50/27.page

Your man likely needs support too now; this must have been a huge blow to him psychologically and to his perception of manhood (some men’s egos are so fragile). Not sure if the DCUM support group is right for him, but there must be men’s support groups out there for him to turn to.

[Anonymous]

Try TESE. Dr. shin at SGF or Dr. Dean at GW are great. Just letting you know there is still hope for biological kids. I've been there and after a long, long road it was possible for me. MF is tough. Your husband will need support and may not want to talk about it. It definitely effects my husband. You do not need to go to sperm donor or adoption if you do not want too, unless there is absolutely nothing found in TESE.

[Anonymous]

Prior to TESE (which is surgical), a fertility specialist might recommend your husband undergo hormone treatments to see if that might spur on sperm production.

If not, then TESE has a decent track record. Some of the extracted sample can be used fresh (same day); cryogenic freezing is also an option. Between taking samples, the testicles need about 6 months to heal, but it is possible to try multiple times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prior to TESE (which is surgical), a fertility specialist might recommend your husband undergo hormone treatments to see if that might spur on sperm production.

If not, then TESE has a decent track record. Some of the extracted sample can be used fresh (same day); cryogenic freezing is also an option. Between taking samples, the testicles need about 6 months to heal, but it is possible to try multiple times.

Even before that, request a repeat analysis. Lab mistakes occasionally happen.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate that you want your own biological children, but if that becomes impossible/too difficult to achieve, please consider adoption.

- an adoptee who feels very grateful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate that you want your own biological children, but if that becomes impossible/too difficult to achieve, please consider adoption.

- an adoptee who feels very grateful

Adoption is very, very difficult and expensive. Much more difficult and expensive than TSE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate that you want your own biological children, but if that becomes impossible/too difficult to achieve, please consider adoption.

- an adoptee who feels very grateful

Adoption is very, very difficult and expensive. Much more difficult and expensive than TSE.

Yeah, seems like TESE or TSE combined with same day IUI (intrauterine insemination) is a no-brainer in OPs case, long before starting the adoption process. Besides, it’s easy to repeat TESE and it has a good track record - especially with the specialist hospitals around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh this is not bad at all! Just requires some intervention.

I have a friend with cystic fibrosis (makes men sterile) and he has two biological children.

What in the F are you talking about? What an ignorant comment.

Despite intervention we have zero bio kids. And that could be the case for OP. It’s not all puppies and rainbows.

[Anonymous]

DP.

I think she was just trying to be supportive.

Yes - this is difficult and not the situation OP wanted to find herself in.

We all feel terrible for her. And also for her husband too.

But I think she posted immediately after the analysis was done. She’s probably taken steps since then.

Maybe TESE on her man could still be possible ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, I’ve been there. My husband had that same diagnosis. We even went up to see the big guns in NYC at Weill-Cornell and had the exploratory surgery to see if they could retrieve even one sperm. There was nothing.

We were devastated. We ended up using a sperm donor and had a DD 11 years ago. She is the absolute light of my husband’s life. He has even said, “I am kind of glad I couldn’t have a biological child because I can’t imagine one any better than ours. I wouldn’t trade her for anything and wouldn’t go back and change things even if I could.” She has picked up aspects of his personality, and they are as close as any father/daughter pair.

I know you are grieving the children that you envisioned. This is not at all what you expected. It is hard to wrap your brain around it. It is hard to know what to say to your own husband. I wish I knew you IRL because I know how isolating it can feel. I wish you the very best as you decide your future path.

This is a truly kind, supportive, and best of all - hopeful response.

And to OP: hugs! There is hope.

Donor options are also better all the time, thankfully. There are “banks” with data on the donor to let you choose traits you would prefer your child to have.

Besides the traditional banks, you could decide together if natural insemination might be an option. It is generally the least expensive option. Plus, it allows you to meet the surrogate before hand and determine together if it would be a good fit.

Probably don’t bring up “natural insemination” with a “donor” to your husband. This is a terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

TESE seems like the logical first step to see if he has any sperm that can be salvaged.

Have you explored the options locally ? Fortunately this area has a ton of experts to turn to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate that you want your own biological children, but if that becomes impossible/too difficult to achieve, please consider adoption.

- an adoptee who feels very grateful

Adoption is very, very difficult and expensive. Much more difficult and expensive than TSE.

Actually, involving the UPS delivery guy would be even less difficult and less expensive than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate that you want your own biological children, but if that becomes impossible/too difficult to achieve, please consider adoption.

- an adoptee who feels very grateful

Adoption is very, very difficult and expensive. Much more difficult and expensive than TSE.

Actually, involving the UPS delivery guy would be even less difficult and less expensive than that.

But getting a sperm sample from a bank delivered by UPS still means it would not be her man’s biological child, which would seem to be the ideal goal here.

OP - how is your husband holding up?

[Anonymous]

You have to be careful because these banks do not limit the amount of sperm given out, therefore your child could have hundreds of half siblings. The thing is how would they know, which is the problem.

The Post had an article about this a couple years back that was fascinating.