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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh, OP, I’ve been there. My husband had that same diagnosis. We even went up to see the big guns in NYC at Weill-Cornell and had the exploratory surgery to see if they could retrieve even one sperm. There was nothing.

We were devastated. We ended up using a sperm donor and had a DD 11 years ago. She is the absolute light of my husband’s life. He has even said, “I am kind of glad I couldn’t have a biological child because I can’t imagine one any better than ours. I wouldn’t trade her for anything and wouldn’t go back and change things even if I could.” She has picked up aspects of his personality, and they are as close as any father/daughter pair.

I know you are grieving the children that you envisioned. This is not at all what you expected. It is hard to wrap your brain around it. It is hard to know what to say to your own husband. I wish I knew you IRL because I know how isolating it can feel. I wish you the very best as you decide your future path.

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This is a truly kind, supportive, and best of all - hopeful response.

And to OP: hugs!  There is hope.

Donor options are also better all the time, thankfully.  There are “banks” with data on the donor to let you choose traits you would prefer your child to have.

Besides the traditional banks, you could decide together if natural insemination might be an option. It is generally the least expensive option. Plus, it allows you to meet the surrogate before hand and determine together if it would be a good fit.

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