DS not interested in befriending UMC/UC peers

[Anonymous]

I was a poor kid whose parents sent me to expensive neighborhood schools. I was smart and quiet. I’m fairly attractive and had a very rich boyfriend when I was a teenager. My brother, like your son, mingled with the lower class kids. My brother was not a good student.

I never fit in with the rich girls. We now have a seven figure income so I’m sure some people would consider us rich. I still don’t fit in with the rich women. I get along with most men just fine.

I have a feeling your son was not accepted, evidenced by middle school bullying. Why would he try to hang out and be friends with these people?

Your kid may have been better off being a nerd graduating at the top of his class in public school, going to a good university with other smart kids. I was not a rich kid but never felt bad about being poor in college. I again didn’t have many girlfriends but there was no shortage of guys who wanted to be friends with me or date me. I gained a lot of confidence in college and grad school.

[Anonymous]

My mom was a social striver like you. We lived in a 2br apt but she got a few dollars from her aunt and sent me to boarding school. I had nowhere near as much money, clothes, extra cash as my classmates. I had no car. My mom drove an old Oldsmobile. I had never vacationed anywhere. I was a total pariah. It sucked. I rebelled and made a shit ton of terrible decisions with “low class” people as a result.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps I'm an obtuse middle class person, but what's the problem? Misfits can be interesting people. Blue collar people are not objectionable. You sound like a trope from a 19th century novel, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are hardworking people and when my husband made some money, I just wanted my children to have better than we did. We sent him to private since middle school and did not have too much left over for international trips or others. I enrolled him in cotillion and made sure he had private gold lessons since he was a little kid.

My older daughter was sent to public school but is now married to a rich man from a wealthy family. She now lives in Bethesda and is friends with people I'd like my son to associate with. I don't know why he has such little self esteem.

This could be a hit tween movie like Princess Diaries.

[Anonymous]

Why does he have to befriend UC kids? He isn’t one. Maybe his misfit friends will be wildly successful one day.

You said he suffered from depression. You should focus on his mental well being, not how rich his friends are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you consider that your child is being rejected by these peers you fawn over (and their parents)?

Assuming this isn’t not a troll, I was poor kid at elite college and this. Unless you are a hot girl or a star jock, being poor is a scarlet letter at $$$ schools. Also, you don’t have shared experiences (how was Europe last summer, Aspen skiing, Broadway shows, I’m still not rich so I don’t know what they do nowadays but those were all foreign to me).

If the OP is serious, this was my experience too. Being the poorest rich kid makes you a misfit, even you aren't super good looking or sporty.

[Anonymous]

Leave him alone and find a hobby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trailer park? I think you mean a mobile home community.

OP meant "troller park". Poorly written troll thread i have to say...

[Anonymous]

You sound like such a social climber.

I grew up poor and now rich. I still don’t feel like I belong with these people.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was in the same situation as your son. The only options if you are a MC kid going to a wealthy school are to succeed academically and hang around with the other nerds and misfits who don't have enough money, or be super successful in sports. You set your kid up to have those two options only. Ask me how I know.

It would have been better for him to go to a school with more MC students. He can not complete or fit in, in such a rich environment. The deck was stacked from the beginning.

[Anonymous]

And, I decided to succeed academically and hang out with the nerds for essentially the rest of my life. My best friend from private high school, who did not succeed as much academically, decided she was a misfit for the rest of her life.

[Anonymous]

I had three full ride scholarships offered for high school boarding schools. One was a Catholic girls school, one was an elite East coast school, one was a Midwest school. I liked the feel of the catholic school, but it was tiny and wouldn't have been academically challenging. The East coast school had very few families on scholarships, and when I talked to the student who was giving the tour about scholarships and financial aid, she cut the tour short and was very brusque. The Midwest school had over half the students on at least partial scholarship, and when I talked to the students who took us on a tour about financial aid, they became even more friendly, and they took me around to a variety of kids who were doing their "scholarship hour," the hour that any kid on scholarship does to give back to the school, regardless of the amount they receive. Where one set of students looked down on others who couldn't pay full price, the other had enough that received some help that very few cared.

[Anonymous]

OP, not about this situation but in general: our kids are born their own people. Our job is to bring that horse to water, our role stops there. Some horses will drink it, but some won’t. We then live with the disappointment and try not to take it out on the horse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are hardworking people and when my husband made some money, I just wanted my children to have better than we did. We sent him to private since middle school and did not have too much left over for international trips or others. I enrolled him in cotillion and made sure he had private gold lessons since he was a little kid.

My older daughter was sent to public school but is now married to a rich man from a wealthy family. She now lives in Bethesda and is friends with people I'd like my son to associate with. I don't know why he has such little self esteem.

omg. Unless your kid only knows the cotillion type world, he would feel out of place since that's not what he is used to. You can't afford the lifestyle of the rich and famous but you expect your kid to fit right in with people who live that way?

I realize you wanted your kid to have more opportunities than you did (I grew up lower income now umc), but this is not the way to do it. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like such a social climber.

I grew up poor and now rich. I still don’t feel like I belong with these people.

Lol. Almost everyone is commenting on this thread saying they are now rich but don’t really care they are rich.